The weddings I've been going to lately are the weddings of my son's friends. It seems like just yesterday, these little twerps were fighting over snacks after a rec league baseball game and now they are standing in front of man and God pledging to love and honor their mate.
They seem so young. I mean, I was still a lonesome loser at these kids' age and being beat by the queen of hearts every time. Yet, I hung in there and 28 years later I'm an old married man.
Therefore, I think I am uniquely qualified to give advice on having a happy wife
By the way, some feel that the phrase "Happy Wife - Happy Life" is a little offensive, as if wives are these spoiled little princesses that have to their way all of the time or they are going to become a brat (or another B-word) that will make life miserable for their husband. Wives do not have to have their way all of the time--just most of the time. (I kid! I kid!)
Time magazine reports that it is actually the other way around. A study of 953 heterosexual ( just to be clear) couples by the University of Chicago says that having a husband with a positive attitude plays a major role in a successful marriage. In others words, Happy Husband-Happy Life. No word if having total ownership of the remote control was a factor.
So here's how to have a Happy Wife.
Listen to her. It is no big secret that woman express their emotions through a method known as speech, whereas we men express our emotions through grunts and breaking wind. One of the greatest moments of our marriage was when Lori questioned if I was really listening to her and I repeated, verbatim, what she had just said. I should be inducted into The Man Hall of Fame for that alone.
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| This is how you should listen to your wife |
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| Do Not Do This |
Know She is Smarter Than You. I cannot tell you how many men I've known that have tried to have, as some people call it, a little "something-something" on the side. Wives can smell this a mile away. I've known guys that have put their underwear on backwards, left receipts in their back pockets, and even taken their girlfriends to Six Flags. It won't work. Women are smarter than you.
Women Have Opinion On Things You Don't Care About. Women do not have opinions on Lebron James. They do not have an opinion on who should bat lead off for any baseball team. However, they do have opinions on plates, something men know nothing about. Defer to your wife on this matter. When we got married, I went "picking out China patterns" with my wife. I had not heard of this practice. I thought about marriage like most young men (Tarzan + Jane = Bedroom). So there I was, standing in the China department looking at plates. If you have seen one plate, you've seen them all. I remember offering this opinion: "I don't want anything pink". Same way with decor. Most guys would decorate their room like I did in college: with posters of Farrah Fawcett. Your wife will object to you hanging a picture of Farrah Fawcett in your bedroom. She will even object to Lynda Carter.
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| A Wife Will Have An Opinion On This Plate |
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| I Added This Picture To See If You Were Paying Attention |
Your Wife Knows What You Are Thinking Before You Do. Once we were in Kroger and this blessed attractive woman near us was standing at a display of .....you guessed it, melons. Now before I could even turn on my Breast Radar, my wife said, "Well, now". I was stuck. I could either lie and say, "No, I didn't see her" which she wouldn't believe or fess up and say something like, "Er, no I was looking at the melons", which was technically true. My point is that your wife has powers that are beyond your comprehension because you are stupid.
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| You would be amazed to know how difficult it is to find a picture of a melon on Google. |
Never Question Your Wife's Taste. Look who she married.
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