Sunday, April 15, 2018

Eat More Chicken

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

We have a winner for probably the most insulting and also the stupidest article written in 2018.  In fact, it may win for the dumbest opinion piece of the decade and very well possibly could be the winner of this century.

It is "Chick-fil-A's Creepy Infiltration of  New York City" in this week's New Yorker magazine by Dan Piepenbring. Here it is for your reading enjoyment.

Where to begin? Let's start with these words underneath the picture of the Chick-fil-A on Fulton Street.  "Chick-fil-A’s corporate purpose begins with the words “to glorify God,” and that proselytism thrums below the surface of its new Fulton Street restaurant."

Yes, below the surface of the Chick-fil-A on Fulton Street, little Southern Baptists are scheming to take over The Big Apple one chicken biscuit at a time. Pretty soon, you won't be able to enter the restaurant without being subjected to children doing Bible Sword Drills. The horror!

Piepenbring says, "New York has taken to Chick-fil-A. One of the Manhattan locations estimates that it sells a sandwich every six seconds, and the company has announced plans to open as many as a dozen more storefronts in the city. And yet the brand’s arrival here feels like an infiltration, in no small part because of its pervasive Christian traditionalism. Its headquarters, in Atlanta, are adorned with Bible verses and a statue of Jesus washing a disciple’s feet. Its stores close on Sundays. Its C.E.O., Dan Cathy, has been accused of bigotry for using the company's charitable wing to fund anti-gay causes, including groups that oppose same-sex marriage."

Let me translate this for you.  "Pervasive Christian traditionalism" means Southern White Evangelicalism and that means fat white people, which are totally ick. "Groups that oppose same-sex marriage" means the people that haven't gotten with it and disregarded their religious beliefs or as I like to put it: the people that believe what Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama believed in those dark ages of 2008.

Piepenbring really dislikes the Chick-fil-A Cows, even though they are popular. He says, "If the restaurant is a megachurch (note: a part of his thesis is Chick-fil-A is one big megachurch), the Cows are its ultimate evangelists.

This Piepenbring statement sounds like it was written for The National Lampoon in the seventies.

"It’s worth asking why Americans fell in love with an ad in which one farm animal begs us to kill another in its place. Most restaurants take pains to distance themselves from the brutalities of the slaughterhouse; Chick-fil-A invites us to go along with the Cows’ Schadenfreude."

I don't know why Americans fell in love with the ad.  Maybe because they were funny? Americans like bovines that can't spell.

Additionally, it is not like the Cows are driving the chickens to the slaughterhouse. They are just trying to increase their odds of living.

I'm not sure if Mr. Piepenbring has ever been on a farm. I have. Every farm animal I've ever met would definitely beg to have another killed in its place.  They're just that way.

Mr. Piepenbring continues to sound the alarm bells: "Its arrival in the city augurs worse than a load of manure on the F train".  Maybe it is just me, but I think having a homeless population that bathes in the city's fountains and European sex slaves parading around Times Square with paint on their bare breasts augurs worse.  But then again, maybe I've been brainwashed by Chick-fil-A's frosted coffee.

Piepenbring says, "According to a report by the Center for an Urban Future, the number of chain restaurants in New York has doubled since 2008, crowding out diners and greasy spoons for whom the rent is too dear. Chick-fil-A, meanwhile, is set to become the third-largest fast-food chain in the nation, behind only McDonald’s and Starbucks. No matter how well such restaurants integrate into the “community,” they still venerate a deadening uniformity"

Why in the world would New Yorkers want a nice clean restaurant when they could have a diner or greasy spoon with a C grade slapped on the window?

Piepenbring actually acknowledges there could be another point of view regarding Chick-fil-A.

"Defenders of Chick-fil-A point out that the company donates thousands of pounds of food to New York Common Pantry, and that its expansion creates jobs. The more fatalistic will add that hypocrisy is baked, or fried, into every consumer experience—that unbridled corporate power makes it impossible to bring your wallet in line with your morals. Still, there’s something especially distasteful about Chick-fil-A, which has sought to portray itself as better than other fast food: cleaner, gentler, and more ethical, with its poultry slightly healthier than the mystery meat of burgers. Its politics, its d├ęcor, and its commercial-evangelical messaging are inflected with this suburban piety"

Here's a news flash: every fast food place tries to portray itself as better than other fast food. You would never hear McDonald's say, "Yeah, we know it is crap, but it is quick crap"

But, I will give it to Mr. Piepenbring.  I never realized the decor of Chick-fil-A was inflected with suburban piety.  Those Chick-fil-A people are sneaky and we are lucky to have Mr. Piepenbring alert us about them.

He finishes the article with a flourish.  "A representative of the Richards Group once told Adweek, “People root for the low-status character, and the Cows are low status. They’re the underdog.” That may have been true in 1995 when Chick-fil-A was a lowly mall brand struggling to find its footing against the burger juggernauts. Today, the Cows’ “guerrilla insurgency” is more of a carpet bombing. New Yorkers are under no obligation to repeat what they say. Enough, we can tell them. NO MOR.

True, New Yorkers are under no obligation to "repeat what they say".  I have no idea what Mr. Piepenbring is referring to here. He didn't tell us-he was too busy pointing out the schadenfreude of the Cows.  Nobody is making New Yorkers go to Chick-fil-A.  I've been to New York several times and I can assure you there are plenty of places to eat that are not inflected with suburban piety.

Mr. Piepenbring, come on over to the dark side. We have chicken minis.

Thursday, April 5, 2018


I think I know when everything started to get weird:  the fall of 1976 at Wheeler High School.

A little background first.

At that point in time in the 70's, adults didn't particularly care what teenagers thought about, er, anything. They thought by the mere fact they had lived longer than teenagers had, they simply knew more about life. Incredible concept, isn't it?

Adults said what was on their minds and if you didn't like it, tough.

There was a member of the faculty of Wheeler,  Coach Diffley ( a social studies teacher, surprise, surprise) who definitely had "no filter" if you catch my drift.

Whatever he thought, he said. At least it seemed that way. I would hate to know what he thought and didn't say.

Of course, this made him one of the most popular teachers in the history of Wheeler.

I never had Coach Diffley for any classes. However, one time, he was an emergency substitute for my history teacher,  the fabulous Kitty Love of the grand state of Mississippi.  "Coach Dif-lay, Ah've gotta an aful tuthache. Yawl, Coach Dif-lay gonna be here. Don't be aful. They're aful, Coach, just aful". (Translation: "Coach Diffley, I had a terrible toothache and must go to the dentist. Students, Coach Diffley will teach the class today. Behave and Carpe Diem")

Since Kitty Love had to leave so quickly, there was nothing for Coach Diffley to do except hold court and tell us some stories.

One story sticks out. I will tell it verbatim, as God is my witness, with the proper footnotes highlighted.

He said, "When I was in college, I met this girl. She was from Japan. In fact, she had survived the bombing of Hiroshima when she was an infant." [Wow, we didn't know anybody survived the bombing of Hiroshima. The fact that our own Coach Diffley had met a survivor was impressive.]

He continued, "She was a fine, fine girl". [I'm sure she was, Coach]. "However, [Uh-oh, here it comes] the lingering radiation did weird things to her body.  In fact, her boobies were on her back instead of her front". [Really?!]

He finished, "Yeah, she wasn't much to look at but boy was she fun to slow dance with".  With that, he started to pretend he was slow dancing with a woman whose breasts were on her back.

I remember about 40 kids in convulsions laughing at Coach Diffley and his dancing partner. Nobody got upset or offended. I'm sure every student told their parents the same thing I told mine when asked if anything happened at school: nothing.

If that happened today, it would be on the evening news. It would also be a Twitter storm like you wouldn't believe.

"This educator finds humor in the malconformation of this young heroic survivor of imperalistic radiation then proceeds to grope and fondle her. How can this be funny? #hertoo #metoo #theytoo #wetoo #breastsonawomansbackisnotfunny

No, for some reason, we understood, without subtitles, Coach Diffley was joking. There is no girl, if there was, she wasn't from Japan and her parts were in the right places.

That happened in the spring of 1976. In the fall of 1976, there was a new school year and more importantly, a new football season. Even though we were a tony suburb of Atlanta, football was still the king. Therefore, we had a pep rally in the gym every Friday to "fire" up the boys on to victory.

Coach Diffley was the faculty sponsor of the riff-raft class of 1979. (Editorial disclosure: My wife was a member of this class).

Each class had to sit in a particular section of the gym. Seniors here. Juniors there. Sophomores over there. Freshman next to them.

The cheerleaders decided to have a "cheer-off" to see which class could cheer the loudest. The Class of 1980 vs The Class of 1979. The Class of 1978 vs The Class of 1977. The winners won candy tossed by our comely cheerleaders.

The Class of 1980 went first. Being freshman and new to the school, they wanted to make a good impression and they raised the roof.  The Class of 1979 was next. They were pitiful, really pathetic. They didn't stand up and holler for Wheeler.

After this rather dismal display of school spirit, Coach Diffley sprints out on to the gym floor, in front of God, Man, and administration, flipping off the Class of 1979 with an obscene gesture. [Footnote: Some historians disagree as to the type of gesture he  used, but the important ones  (me and Chris Moody) have concluded it was the one done with the arm and not the finger. However, all historians agree the Class of 1979 needed flipping off.]

Again, I don't remember anybody getting the vapors from seeing an educator running around flipping off an entire class.  I know nobody was surprised it was Coach Diffley

However, later in the day, there was an announcement from the principal.  He wanted to convey Coach Diffley's apology for his actions at the Pep Rally.  The principal said Coach Diffley didn't mean to "offend anyone" which is a hoot because the whole purpose of flipping somebody off is to offend them.

If that happened today, Coach Diffley would have been made to walk the front hall with people throwing mud at him yelling "Shame". But, it was just another day at school back then. I'm sorry that it has gone away and been replaced with people who are offended by everything and nothing at the same time.


Sunday, March 25, 2018

Loving The Donald, Hating The Sin

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go?"  (John 6:68)

At least you can't say The Trump Administration hasn't been interesting.

The latest story in Trump World is about Trump's relationship with a "porn" star, a Miss Stephanie Gregory Clifford of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, also known as Stormy Daniels.

To be honest, I have never heard of Ms  Daniels (honest!) until the news reports of her relationship with the President and that she had signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement with Trump.  In true Trump fashion, the President claims "nothing happened" (that's what she said). It is kind of odd that Trump would require a Non-Disclosure Agreement for a relationship in which "nothing happened".

Ms. Daniels has some, er, interesting "films"in her past.  According to IMDb she has been in "The Witches of Breastwick", "What's A Girl Gotta Do?", and "Operation Desert Stormy". Some of the other titles are not very polite, if you catch my drift.

The big question now is why haven't Evangelical Christians abandoned Trump in lieu of these allegations of The President and The Porn Star, which will probably be a movie in a few months.

One of the few whipping posts now in politics are Evangelical Christians, who voted almost 80% for Trump in 2016.

Let's be clear. When the mainstream news media uses the term "Evangelical Christians", they mean it to refer to snake handlers and men who still use Vitalis hair tonic. They are all Southern, white, mouth-breathing knuckle draggers that don't read "books" and order a "medium coffee" at Starbucks.

Actually, Evangelical Christians are all over the country and in a lot of denonimations. There are even, gasp, Evangelical Episcopalians. They have college degrees and they have a wide range of opinions besides what place serves the best fried chicken after church.

Since we are all tribal now and since this is my tribe, I think I can say that a lot of Evangelicals are appalled (and have been appalled) at Trump's behavior in life and in office. We shake our heads at some of his comments and wish, for all that is good and holy, that somebody would take away his blessed phone so he wouldn't make so many embarassing Twitter comments. 

People are noting the hypocrisy of Evangelicals supporting Trump so much when they turned  on Bill Clinton, and Bill Clinton knew it was "Second Corinthians" instead of "Two Corinthians".

Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky was an affair between a superior and a subordinate.  The Trump/Daniels affair was a consensual sexual relationship between two gross individuals. Besides, Trump wasn't President then, he was just another jerk with a TV show.

It doesn't make the affair right or excusable. It is just makes it irrelevant.

Look, everybody, even squirrelly little Robert Jeffress pastor of The First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas, knows, Trump is a major leauge sinner, bigly.  It is all part of the Trump experience, like the granite marble tops in the bathrooms of his hotels.

During oral arugments of Obergefell vs Hodges, Donald B. Verrill, Jr, The Solicitor General said that churches and religious affliated universities would lose their tax-exempt status of they opposed same-sex marriage.  Hillary Clinton declared "religious beliefs have to be changed". Guess whose religious beliefs would have to change?

With a choice between Clinton and Trump, Evangelicals held their nose and voted for Trump. Marc Theissen of The Washington Post says, "No one upholds Trump as moral exemplar. He is not the most religious president we have ever had, but he may be the most pro-religion president. Christian conservatives are judging Trump not by his faith, but by his works. And when it comes to life and liberty, his works are good."

I don't see a split between Evangelicals and Donald Trump. Unless, of course, he signs an Executive Order outlawing Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-A.   He would have some problems then.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

I Know One

Poor widdle Hillary.

Former Senator Secretary of State Should Have Been President Hillary Clinton has taken her "What Happen" show on the road. All the way to India no less, because the people of India need to hear why she lost the Presidency to that thing. 

And she proved that in 2016 both candidates were emotionally stunted people.

She said the following and I have added helpful notes in parentheses to aid in understanding.

"If you look at the map of the United States, there is all that red in the middle (ick), places where Trump won(double ick). What that map doesn’t show you is that I won the places that own two thirds of America’s Gross Domestic product (the places that don't suck). I won the places that are optimistic, diverse, dynamic, moving forward (In other words, the cool people). And his whole campaign, Make America Great Again, was looking backwards. You don’t like black people getting rights, you don’t like women getting jobs, you don’t want to see that Indian American succeeding more than you are (And what do you know, there's a lot of Indian people here tonight-maybe I can convince them that Bubba don't like anybody except Meemaw, Deddey, and Nick Saban), whatever that problem is, I am going to solve it.". (As if, that's what we were supposed to do)

Just as President Trumpy is giving everybody a look at an, er, unique Presidency, Clinton is giving everybody a look at a grumpy sore loser.

I went back and tried to find any losing candidate in the last 100 years that has acted as sour as Clinton. I can't find it. Romney, McCain, Kerry, Gore, Dole,DadBush, Dukakis, Mondale, Carter, Ford, McGovern, Humphrey, Goldwater, Nixon, Stevenson, Dewey, Willkie,Landon, Hoover, Smith, Davis, Cox, and Hughes all carried themselves with grace and didn't seek to disparage the voters like Clinton has.

But the stinger was this, and this is amazing, even for a Clinton.

"We do not do well with white men and we don’t do well with married, white women. And part of that is an identification with the Republican Party, and a sort of ongoing pressure to vote the way that your husband, your boss, your son, whoever, believes you should."

Allow me to comment. I have been a white man all of my life. Yes, really.  I have been married to a white woman for almost 32 years.  The idea I could "pressure"my wife to vote someway she didn't want to vote is laughable.

There's a prevailing template from the Left that if you are not a part of this academic/trial lawyer/entertainment complex, you are a knuckle dragging mouth breather that wants to put various minorites in chains. However, you first must subjucate your wife so you can breed other knuckle dragging mouth breathers.  How else can you explain The Handmaid's Tale that has been made twice in the past 28 years (the first as a movie and the second as a Netflix series)?

But I have been wondering where are all of these supposed Stepford Wives anyway? I don't see them. Everybody I know isn't some subservient damsel that is waiting for some man to tell them what to do or what to think.  In fact, I don't know a soul who would put up with a lyin' cheatin' husband. Wait, I know one: Hillary.

Anyway, my white woman wife was talking to me the other day about the 2016 election. She said she didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because, and I quote, "I didn't like her".

Hillary Clinton had been a major force on the national scene for 24 years by the time the 2016 election arrived. Richard Nixon was already an ex-President by time his twenty-fourth year hit on the national stage.

People were just tired of her and Bill and Chelsea and Huma. Nothing more and nothing less. The same thing happend to Jeb Bush in the Republican primaries.

True, you kind of knew what you were getting with Clinton. Pandering. Lying. You know, the 90's redux. But at least we'd have the same Secretary of State for a week.

But, it just wasn't meant to be and this wallowing in the past is sort of ironic given theme song of her husband's campaign in 1992:  "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow".

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Ban The Backpack!

Of course, what happened at the high school in Parkland, Florida was horrific.

It was a systemic failure in culture (fatherless boys, violent movies and video games), common sense (an 18-year-old can waltz in and buy a powerful weapon), Federal law enforcement  ("So, you want to make us aware of this kid. Let me get a pen. Wait a second, this one doesn't work. Bob, you got a pen that works?") and  local law enforcement ("I'm not going in there...You go in there...").

The aftermath has been one gigantic cluster mess.

A few of the surviving students have hooked up with The Democratic Party and decided to blame Marco Rubio (mainly because there is an R after his name) and The National Rifle Association (NRA)  They have been successful in vilifying The NRA that around 15 companies have cut ties or distanced themselves from the group.  One company, Delta Airlines, dropped the NRA discount for their members. A grand total of 13 people used the discount last year.

So, the answer to gun violence is taking away airline discounts.  Great job, kids!

There is an answer and it is not blowing in the wind.

Make the schools harder to get into.

The students should be only able to enter the school from one direction and go through a metal detector, much like an airport. Every day.

The students will be issued a key card, like what their parents have to get into their office. If a kid "loses" their card, they will be detained by security and they will have to call their parents. They will not be able to enter the school and will not be given an excused absence until they obtain their replacement card.

Backpacks will be banned and the students will be issued a locker to store their books.  If you have raised a high schooler within the past twenty years, you know they have used backpacks to carry every single stupid book around. Trust me, these things weigh a ton and half the time the boy students never look in the backpack once the book is placed in there.

There will be armed personnel on campus. It doesn't have to be teachers. However, if a teacher can use a gun and is  NOT A TOTAL NUT JOB, then he can be part of the force.  However, there are some logistical things that would have to be worked out. I don't think it is a good idea for Coach Joe Bagofdonuts to be packing heat during a Geography class.

These things can be done and quickly. There are problems with some other answers.

One, you are not going to "get rid of guns". It simply isn't going to happen.  If you want to get rid of guns, repeal The Second Amendment. Good luck with trying to repeal an amendment that is so high on the amendment chain.

Here was an example of a meme that was flying around.

True, as far it goes. The problem is the next step: taking away other people's sticks so we have a stick-free society because sticks are used to hit people.

Two, background checks, while necessary are iffy at best.  The church shooter in Texas "passed" a background check due to a bureaucratic error.  Additionally, there is this little thing called HIPPIA which protects an individual's (mental) health information and cannot be shared without the patient's written consent.

Three, and this has almost a zero chance, but we do need more responsibility from the news media. One thing to keep in mind about events like this: most of the early reports are wrong

 Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold killed 13 kids on April 20, 1999, which began this era of school shootings. They were portrayed as "outcasts" (which has been debunked) and members of a school clique called "The Trenchcoat Mafia" (which they were not). They were also "bullied" as if being bullied in high school is a good explanation for why someone would kill thirteen people.

Jared Lee Loughner shot Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and early reports said he was influenced by Sarah Palin. It wasn't close to the truth. James Holmes killed 12 people in an Aurora, Colorado movie theatre. Brian Ross of ABC announced there was a James Holmes in the area and he was a member of the TEA PARTY.  Wrong guy.

The other thing to remember is people will use the events to push a political agenda.

History tells us that a young man who had just immigrated back from Russia and was an avowed Communist shot the President of The United States thirteen months after The Cuban Missile Crisis.  On YouTube, you can watch the news reports from the time and you will hear a lot about "hate" and civil rights. Which, as history tells us, had nothing to do with The Kennedy Assassination.

CNN has made stars out of the protesting students. "Hey Kids, let's have a protest!"  Two weeks after the massacre Buzzfeed (that's right-Buzzfeed) reported "Rep. Debbie Wassermann Schultz aiding in the lobbying in Tallahassee, a teacher’s union organizing the buses that got the kids there, Michael Bloomberg’s groups and the Women’s March working on the upcoming March For Our Lives, doing social media promotion and (potentially) march logistics, and training for student activists provided by federally funded Planned Parenthood." (David Hines, The Federalist)

Additionally, the President of the American Federation of Teachers told Buzzfeed they were behind the national school walkout which our fourth estate assured us was the idea of one plucky teenager.


It is just common sense. Make schools a difficult target. That way kids don't die.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

My Presidents and Their Tweets

Since our current President is REALLY into Twitter--here are  some tweets from the 44 (really 43) before President Trump

George Washington:  "Martha said I was rockin' the wooden teeth! Yeah, come on!"

John Adams: "You sux, @bigthomjefferson76".

Thomas Jefferson: "15 million for Louisiana? Really?!"

James Madison:  "My wife makes the best cupcakes!"

James Monroe:  "Hmmm, I'm pretty sure the other four don't have a doctrine named after him. Just saying."

John Quincy Adams:  "I wish I had a better initial besides Q.  Something like W would be awesome".

Andrew Jackson:  "I kilt fiddy men"

Martin Van Buren:  "I have the coolest sideburns of all of them- including @ChesterAlanArthur."

William Henry Harrison:  "I've got a great idea:  why don't I give a very long speech on a cold and wet day?  It's not like I'm going to get sick or anything."

John Tyler:  "I still have grandchildren alive in 2018. For reals".

James Polk:  "Call me President Mullet".

Zachary Taylor:  "Wait. Does anyone know the difference between the symptoms of cholera and aresenic poisoning?  Just asking."

Millard Fillmore: "Oh yeah?!  How many of you have ever been President of The United States?"

Franklin Pierce:  "Could I have been a worse President?"

James Buchanan:  "Welp, I've done nothing to prevent The Civil War. I guess this isn't the right time to announce I'm gay".

Abraham Lincoln: "Wow, I feel great now that The Civil War has ended. I think me and my gal pal will take in a play!" 

Andrew Johnson: "I've got this great idea: Let's get impeached!"

Ulysses S. Grant:  "Guess where I am buried."

Rutherford B. Hayes: "I am the Duck Dynasty President!"

James Garfield: "Hey, let's go down to the train station and see if there are some disappointed office seekers."

Chester Alan Arthur:  "I pronounce 'Alan' as "Alon", because I'm a dandy with great sideburns!"

Grover Clevland:  "It is easy to get young chicks when you are The President".

Benjamin Harrison:  "I stayed alive for all of my administration unlike a certain grandfather of mine."

Grover Cleveland:  "Back again. Did you miss me?  What do you mean no?"

William McKinley:  "Yeah, I'll go to Buffalo. What's the worst that could happen?"

Theodore Roosevelt:  "Let you in on a little secret-I don't even know what 'bully' means."

William Howard Taft:  "I'm just big boned! Stop fat shaming me!"

Woodrow Wilson:  "I have this real progressive idea: racism!"

Warren G. Harding:  "I did things in The Oval Office that Bill Clinton could only dream of."

Calvin Coolidge:  "I was just as exciting as I looked".

Herbert Hoover:  "I am going to punch the next person who says I invented the vaccum cleaner because I sucked".

Franklin Delno Roosevelt:  "I'm going to roll into The Oval Office and stay for a long time. Roll! Did you get it? Man, I am great."

Harry S. Truman:  "You'd act like a crazy man too if your middle name was S."

Dwight Eisenhower:  "Sorry about Nixon.  He had a great resume."

John Kennedy:  "Sure, put the top down. What could it hurt?

Lyndon Johnson:  "An undeclared ground war against guerilla forces in a far off Asia country?  Count me in!"

Richard Nixon:   "<expletive deleted>  I should have  burned those <expletive deleted> tapes. Ah <expletive>"

Gerald Ford: "Chevy Chase is a very funny suburb." 

Jimmy Carter:  "I'm going to declare a Moral Equivalence of War on The Energy Crisis and I urge your support by tweeting this: #MEOW."

Ronald Reagan:  "Sell arms to Iran for hostages? Why not?"

George H. W. Bush:  "I hate being the least popular Bush".

Bill Clinton:  "#Monica was worth every article of impeachment!"

George W. Bush: "Hold my beer, Dad".

Barack Obama:  "If you liked your doctor, you can keep your doctor. Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a straight face on that one, tbh."

Sunday, February 11, 2018

The Obligatory Super Bowl Post 2018 Edition

Last week,  The 2017 NFL season mercifully came to a close when the Philadephia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots. If that doesn't prove there is a God in heaven, I don't know what will.

I know it is easy to complain about the domination of the Patriots. Since my son was in FIFTH GRADE, they have been going to The Super Bowl. By the way, my son graduated college in 2013.

The head coach of The Patriots, Bill Belichick, would be celebrated as THE GREATEST COACH OF ANYTHING FOR ALL TIME except for the fact he has the personality of prune juice and looks/dresses like he just came off of a three-week bender.

The quarterback of the Patriots is Tom Brady, the most handsome man in the world. 

Back when I was a kid, the "handsome" quarterback was Joe Namath.

When I came along, they wanted quarterbacks to look like the District Manager in Charge of Something Important.  Handsome, but not sexy. Not flashy. Serious. Like Bart Starr.

"I would like to talk to you about an exciting Whole Life policy we have"

Bart Starr was the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers back in the sixties. He looked like he would sell you some insurance.  I saw him one time at Town Center Mall in Kennesaw, Georiga. I kept pointing at him saying "Bart Starr. Bart Starr".  My wife reminded me Starr knew his name.

But Joe came along and he was "Broadway Joe"- all flash and a smile.

"I happen to notice you are a tight end".

Tom Brady makes Joe Namath look like a basset hound.

First of all, Brady has won five Super Bowls, which by definition means he is five times better than the rest of us schlubs, and I don't care how many cures for cancer you have discovered.

Secondly, he is married to a Super Model, Gisele Bundchen.  I'm not quite sure what separates Super Model from a Regular Model, except you would probably never see a Super Model in a Sears catalog. I will say, from a strictly scientific viewpoint, Gisele Bundchen is smoking hot.

Finally, Tom had an actress girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan, who happened to learn she was pregnant with Tom's baby after they had broken up and he began his relationship with his Super Model wife.

The website Heavy says, "Being married to and having two children with Bundchen while trying to maintain a relationship with Moynahan and their son Jack certainly sounds complicated, but they seem to have it all figured out."   Only a quarterback that has won five Super Bowls could have figured out something like this. I know I couldn't.

The Patriots were the favorites to win the game. The Eagles had a good season, but their second string quarterback,  Nick Foles, was starting.

It was one of those games, like last year's Super Bowl, you just kept expecting Tom Terrific to lead the Patriots to a comeback victory.  But it didn't happen.  It made you want to become a Calvinist because it seemed so predestined and seem to confirm that the Lord isn't thrilled with the Atlanta Falcons for some reason.

It has been a rough year for The NFL.

The combination of CTE, the kneeling non-sense, and the flat-out oversaturation of the product ("Welcome to Wednesday Morning Football with the Cleveland Browns at home against The New York Jets") along with the dominance of  New England has left some watching the sport out of obligation, sort of like the way some people go to church only at Christmas and Easter.

Until Philadelphia's victory in The Super Bowl, the season's lone highlight was the Viking quarterback Case Keenum's pass to Stefon Diggs on the last play of their playoff game versus the Saints. That play reminded people what they liked about football. Anything can happen at any time and when it does you want to be there.

Maybe, one day, it will be that way again.