Social media has its good points.
For example, I have reconnected with people I haven't seen in thirty some odd years. Then I remembered why I disconnected from them.
Ha, ha. Just a joke.
Actually, it has been great seeing old friends and pointing out that I still have all my hair.
However, there is a downside to social media. Namely: people. In between posts of what was for supper and feet at the beach are arguments.
Not everybody on social media argues. Some people fuss, while others fight.
I can't put my finger on it, but it seems things really began going hyper hooky-bolooky on Facebook and Twitter when Donald J. Trump became President of The United States.
The President is legendary on Twitter himself. Some of his Tweets are, well, yeah, bless his heart, as the ladies say here in the South.
The problem is The Loyal Opposition is no more. No, it has morphed into the Resistance of The Panties Are Always Twisted Into A Knot. If Trump is for something, these folks are against it, because Trump equals Hitler. Can't you see that?
They have managed to do something I thought was impossible: look worse than Trump.
Everything is a full-scale Book of Revelation Apocalypse and everything is going to Hell in a handbasket if we only had a hand basket because Trump put Tariffs on Canadian made hand baskets.
Of course, the Trump people object to this.
This leads to many long Facebook posts and Tweets. I have decided to help people out and present an update to my 2012 classic "How To Argue On Social Media Like A World Champ". However, this time, I am giving advice on how to WIN.
- The Most Important Rule: Anyone who disagrees with you is stupid.
2. Use as many swear words as possible.
- Debate topics that nobody has ever debated before. For example: do animals have constitutional rights?
- Grammar and spelling are not that important in Social Media. Except when you are in a debate. Then it is proper and fitting to point out all of the grammatical and spelling errors you can find. Find a way to work in the phrase: “Irregardless is not a word”, like you are Noah Webster. You may not win friends, but you will win the argument.
- Remember: The proper term for anyone who disagrees with you is "Nazi".
- My personal favorite: use as many question marks or exclamation points as possible with capital letters. Such as: “JOHN MCCAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT R U SAYING??????????????????????????????????” or “I GUESS TRUMP IS A STUPID NAZI RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????” I learned in my 14 years of taking English classes that one question mark or exclamation point was sufficient. I guess that is obsolete.
- Never, Never, Never, Never, Never, Never concede a point. That means that you are a loser and that the other person is right and therefore, better than you.
- Never acknowledge that the person you are disagreeing with is an actual human being with feelings. This makes you weak.
- One bonus: if you are in a Tweet war with a celebrity on Twitter, they may re-Tweet your brilliant salvo for all the Twitter world to see.
- Research is not required.
- Neither is maturity.
- The good: if you get into a heated political discussion at work, punches might be thrown. On Facebook, the worse that can happen is that you get defriended.