Sunday, June 24, 2018

How To Win On Social Media Like A World Champ (2018 Edition)


Social media has its good points.

For example, I have reconnected with people I haven't seen in thirty some odd years. Then I remembered why I disconnected from them.

Ha, ha. Just a joke.

Actually, it has been great seeing old friends and pointing out that I still have all my hair.

However, there is a downside to social media. Namely: people. In between posts of what was for supper and feet at the beach are arguments.

Not everybody on social media argues. Some people fuss, while others fight.

I can't put my finger on it, but it seems things really began going hyper hooky-bolooky on Facebook and Twitter when Donald J. Trump became President of The United States.

The President is legendary on Twitter himself. Some of his Tweets are, well, yeah, bless his heart, as the ladies say here in the South.

The problem is The Loyal Opposition is no more. No, it has morphed into the Resistance of The Panties Are Always Twisted Into A Knot.  If Trump is for something, these folks are against it, because Trump equals Hitler. Can't you see that?

They have managed to do something I thought was impossible: look worse than Trump.

Everything is a full-scale Book of Revelation Apocalypse and everything is going to Hell in a handbasket if we only had a hand basket because Trump put Tariffs on Canadian made hand baskets.

Of course, the Trump people object to this.

This leads to many long Facebook posts and Tweets.  I have decided to help people out and present an update to my 2012 classic "How To Argue On Social Media  Like A World Champ".  However, this time, I am giving advice on how to WIN.

  1. The Most Important Rule:  Anyone who disagrees with you is stupid.

      2. Use as many swear words as possible.


  1. Debate topics that nobody has ever debated before. For example: do animals have constitutional rights?

  1. Grammar and spelling are not that important in Social Media. Except when you are in a debate. Then it is proper and fitting to point out all of the grammatical and spelling errors you can find. Find a way to work in the phrase: “Irregardless is not a word”, like you are Noah Webster.  You may not win friends, but you will win the argument.
  1. Remember: The proper term for anyone who disagrees with you is "Nazi". 

  1. My personal favorite: use as many question marks or exclamation points as possible with capital letters. Such as: “JOHN MCCAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT R U SAYING??????????????????????????????????” or “I GUESS TRUMP IS A STUPID NAZI RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????   I learned in my 14 years of taking English classes that one question mark or exclamation point was sufficient.  I guess that is obsolete.
  1. Never, Never, Never, Never, Never, Never concede a point. That means that you are a loser and that the other person is right and therefore, better than you.
  1. Never acknowledge that the person you are disagreeing with is an actual human being with feelings. This makes you weak.  
      9.  Memes are effective tools.  They don't have to make sense


  1.  One bonus: if you are in a Tweet war with a celebrity on Twitter, they may re-Tweet your brilliant salvo for all the Twitter world to see.
  1.  Research is not required.
  1.  Neither is maturity.
  1.  The good: if you get into a heated political discussion at work, punches might be thrown. On Facebook, the worse that can happen is that you get defriended.
   14.  Circular arguments are the best.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

The Lion In The Winter



"Like a lion in the winter,  I can hear the summer call" ~ Hoyt Axton


Our favorite President Bill, Bill Clinton, made news last week.

In an interview with Craig Melvin on The Today Show, President Bill got all in a huff and wagged his crooked index finger because Mr. Melvin had the nerve to bring up Monica Lewinsky.

Quick history lesson:  In the 90's, President Bill had an "inappropriate relationship" with Monica Lewinsky.  In the 90's, "inappropriate relationship" meant President Bill had sex with Monica Lewinsky. Of course, if you know anything about President Bill, you know this devolved into a long national conversation about the meaning of the word "is"  and if a particular sexual act counts as sex since if it wasn't intercourse.  It was a difficult time to raise a child, even with a village.

President Bill and writer James Patterson were on The Today Show promoting their new book called  The President is Missing.  It is a novel. (For what it is worth, President Bill and James Patterson will be at The Cobb Energy Center on June 13th to discuss their book.)

Yeah, the book sounds like a bad idea, but I wish I was at the pitch meeting.

"You see, the President is a good old boy from some podunk Southern state that somehow gets an Ivy League education. He has a way with the ladies, despite his wife being some humorless Midwestern hag. Anyway, he has awesome sex with just about every woman in the world. Think combo Don Draper/Jethro Bodine.  I haven't come up with a superpower yet, except for the ability to talk endlessly for twenty hours. 

President Bill was expecting the typical interview of President Bill.  "You're so great, President Bill! Are you disappointed that you couldn't get your midnight basketball bill through Congress?"  Instead, he got a question about Monica Lewinsky.

In case you haven't heard, there's this thing going around called The #MeToo Movement which has caused a lot of powerful men to become suddenly unemployed. President Bill seems to have read about it only in passing.

Melvin asked President Bill if #MeToo has caused President Bill to think how differently he should have handled The Lewinsky Affair and if he feels any responsibility for the pain caused to Lewinsky, who has written she suffers from the type of PTSD that comes from a sexual relationship with The President of The United States.

President Bill:  "No, I felt terrible then, and I came to grips with it".  Way to go, Mr. President.

Melvin then asked if President Bill had apologized to Lewinsky.  The response was classic President Bill.

 "Yes, and nobody believes I got out of that for free. I left the White House $16 million in debt, but you typically have ignored gaping facts in describing this, and I bet you don’t even know them. This was litigated 20 years ago. Two-thirds of the American people sided with me. They were not insensitive to that. I had a sexual harassment policy when I was governor in the eighties. I had two women chiefs of staff when I was governor. Women were overrepresented in the attorney general’s office in the seventies, for their percentage in the bar. I have had nothing but women leaders in my office since I left. You are giving one side and omitting facts."

Only Bill Clinton could answer a question about apologizing to someone and add in the overrepresentation of women in the Arkansas Attorney General's Office in the seventies. The Washington Post could not find the exact percentage of women with law licenses in the seventies, but two decades after he was Attorney General it was twenty-two percent and it was probably way lower in 1974.

The Washington Post notes that Clinton didn't leave the White House $16 million in debt. The Post estimates that President Bill was probably "$4 or 5 million" in debt, however, The Clintons' joint 2001 tax return shows $16 million as their earned income.

When pressed about if he actually apologized to Lewinsky, President Bill said " (I've) apologized to everyone in the world.". Then Melvin asked President Bill if he owed Lewinsky a private apology, President Bill said he did not because he had already apologized to everyone in the world 20 years ago, dude.

Even though it was twenty years too late, it was good to see someone in the mainstream press willing to take on President Bill and his wagging crooked finger. The press sees him now as a lion in the winter. Once proud and powerful, now he's just vain and weak.

Well, this didn't go over to well and in rides our country's leading satirist, Stephen Colbert, to ask President Bill if he wanted a "do-over". Of course, everybody has been giving President Bill a mulligan ever since he gave that awful nomination speech for Michael Dukakis 30 years ago. That's his problem. He always got the second, third, fourth, or twentieth chance.

He told Colbert, "that was a very painful thing that happened 20 years ago, and I apologized to my family, to Monica Lewinsky and her family, and to the American people.”  Yes, it was just a thing that happened.  One day, he is the President of the United States and the next thing you know him and Monica are doing the West Memphis Mambo in the Oval Office.

President Bill obviously doesn't understand  The Me Too Movement is about standing up to men's exploitive and abusive behavior, no matter how powerful they are or how many women they employed in the Arkansas Attorney General's office in 1975.

That is what the President is missing.





Sunday, June 3, 2018

Words


 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  - James 3:3-6

I really don't want to but I guess I'm going to have to comment about Roseanne Barr and Samantha Bee.

I'm hesitant because frankly, both stories are distasteful to the nth degree.

As you know by now, Barr composed an ugly tweet about Valerie Jarrett, one of former President's Obama's closest advisors. It was racist.

There was immediate blowback and Barr's rebooted "Roseanne" was canceled without any form of appeal.

Some people on my side of the river argued that Disney (owners of ABC) violated Barr's freedom of speech rights.  Well, no.

Barr has the right to say what she wants and Disney has the right to decide if they want to be associated with it or not. They decided Barr's tweet would damage their brand. Her musings on Valerie Jarrett just wasn't worth it.

Conservatives were so happy with this version of "Roseanne". It showed Trump voters as actual carbon-based life forms and not merely deplorables laying around in a basket.

But, as Admiral Ackbar famously said in "Star Wars": "It's a trap". The Right was relying on a celebrity famous for her out and out weirdness to carry the banner that conservatives are people, too, doggone it, and you'll like us once you get to know us.

We were so desperate in need of validation from the entertainment elite, we forgot about Barr being a 9/11 truther, running for president in 2012 with Cindy Sheehan, and her tweets like this one about people who eat Chick-Fil-A:   “Anyone who eats Shit Fil-A deserves to get the cancer that is sure to come from eating antibiotic filled tortured chickens 4Christ”.   Yup, that's a person I want presenting my case to the general public.

Of course, you had those who said Barr accurately portrays Trump voters. These are the same people who argue you can't judge a group by its fringe members.  But when you have a Republican President, hey, all of that is thrown out the window.

After that, Samantha Bee, a talentless and humorless comedian who has a show on TBS titled Full Frontal called Ivanka Trump, a really bad name.  She was allowed to keep her job after she apologized. (Barr apologized too and then blamed Ambien).

The Right is furious because they see this as a double standard.  Press Secretary Sarah Sanders said TBS should fire Bee.

Jen Chaney of Vulture said,  "The White House’s demand that TBS cancel Full Frontal is an effort to create false equivalencies that foster mistrust of a media they characterize as left-leaning lie mongers. It’s divisive, it’s dangerous, and it’s absolutely par for the Trump-administration course."

Yes, the Trump Administration is creating false equivalencies to foster mistrust of the media's late night comedians.

Chaney points out, "Her use of the C-word to describe Ivanka Trump stemmed from her criticism of the First Daughter–slash–senior presidential advisor tweeting a photograph of herself and one of her children in the midst of a news cycle focused on immigrant children being separated from their parents."  Sigh.

Somebody tweeted a picture of little illegal kids inside of cells that looked like dog kennels. Oh, the horrors of Trump's Dystopian America.  People must be cussed at! Now!  When it was learned the picture which taken in 2014, during the administration of Saint Barack The First, Twitter went all Emily Litella:  never mind.

My favorite defense of  Bee by Chaney was "Last year, she used the same word to describe Woodrow Wilson during her 'Not The White House Correspondents' Dinner' and nobody cared."   Next time I get in trouble for calling somebody a name, I am going to say: "Hey, I used the same word to describe Woodrow Wilson and nobody cared".

Bee is way too strident in her comedy for me even to halfway pay attention to her. James Lileks discusses this type of comedy:


"It goes back to George Carlin. You can find antecedents galore, of course, but Carlin had that famous routine that summed up the new thinking: the seven words you couldn’t say. But they’re just words! Isn’t that ridiculous? (See also Bruce, Lenny.) Just aspirations shaped by a muscle in your mouth, and they have such power they can’t be used? 

 Isn’t that ridiculous? Carlin wasn’t the first to try to say the naughty words, but he gave humor to his generation’s belief that authenticity counts in speech, and can be defined by its lack of shackles and adherence to old courtesies. What mattered was truth, man, and the truth didn’t set you free, it made you angry, and the angrier you were the more people were obliged to listen and nod along. Anger gave you authenticity, and swearing was a signifier of anger."

Lileks goes on to say, "1. Everyone slips up at some time. 2. The slip-ups are often revelatory of the person’s true character".   Barr's slip up revealed her true character: she's a total loon.

Bee didn't have a slip-up. This was from a scripted show that finds its authenticity in anger that Donald Trump is President and therefore, swearing is all right, even noble because you are swearing at the right people.

I would have fired her. Then again, I wouldn't have hired her. The same goes for Roseanne.













Monday, May 28, 2018

Oleaginous



Oleaginous: adjective,  ole·ag·i·nous, ō-lē-ˈa-jə-nəs

A few weeks ago, George Will sent Washington to the internet in search of meaning.  Specifically, the meaning of a word.

I've been reading George Will for years and he is a great writer. He's been known to throw out a "big word" or two in his career as a syndicated columnist.

Dr. Will wrote a column about how awful Vice President Mike Pence is and said this:

"Donald Trump, with his feral cunning, knew. The oleaginous Mike Pence, with his talent for toadyism and appetite for obsequiousness, could, Trump knew, become America’s most repulsive public figure."

 "Oleaginous" became the most searched for word that week on Dictionary.com

When I read the column, I must admit I did not know the meaning of the word.  I assumed it was not a compliment.

And it wasn't unless you think "oily or greasy" is a compliment.

Now,  I would not describe Vice President Mike as oily or greasy.  He may be a little bland, particularly when compared to some of the other oleaginous members of the administration like Steve Bannon and Anthony Scaramucci. Talk about oleaginous.

 It also has another meaning: "exaggeratedly and distastefully complimentary".

Ok, I can see that, although I don't see it as a big deal as George does. Since at least Vice President John Nance  Garner, who famously said the Vice Presidency wasn't worth room temperature urine, Vice Presidents have been some of the greatest apple polishers and fanny smoochers in the history of apple polishing and fanny smooching.

Vice President Mike can lay it on kind of thick and if there's a President who enjoys that type of stuff it is President Orange. This gets under George Will's skin and he wrote about it. Will once called Dad Bush a "lap dog", so he has a history of dogging out Republican Vice Presidents.  (Sorry, I couldn't resist it.)

In any event, I think we owe George thanks for bringing this word back in our vernacular.  The Clearasil commercials practically write themselves.

"When you have oleaginous skin and you have a big date coming up, don't forget to drop by Walgreens and pick up some Clearasil".

I can use it in future humor memoirs.

"I wasn't popular in school. I was short and wore glasses. My hair was oleaginous." 

On Facebook, I asked one of my high school English teachers, Roger Hines, if he knew what oleaginous meant.

Mr. Hines is one of the smartest people I've ever met, so I figure he would know it.  He introduced me to the phrase "trousered apes" (which is from C.S. Lewis) and I think about it when I see Florida Georgia Line on television.

Mr. Hines said he hadn't heard of it, but another smart fellow, Jim McCartney, commented I should have known it because I took Latin in high school. That's the problem with Facebook, too many people know I took Latin in high school.

Jim (or as I know him: Jimmy) said I should have been able to figure out the meaning of the word from its Latin roots and it would make Mrs. Jenks proud.

Mrs. Jenks was my second year Latin teacher and I was probably her least intelligent student that year if not her career. I know I made her proud when I turned in my second year Latin Book, When Romulus Met Remus, in pristine condition. It was like I had never opened it.

But just think how my life would be different if  I had opened that book. I would have known exactly what George Will meant.  I could also sprinkle Latin words and terms in my blog posts and people would know that I am: A) Smart or B) Someone who stayed awake in Latin class.

Either way, I couldn't be oleaginous.  I have a prescription for that

 









Sunday, May 13, 2018

Click 2018



Guess what gang?  We've having a gubernatorial primary in Georgia!   Can't you feel the excitement! Wake up!

The commecials for the various candidates have already started to hit the airways. Here is a transcript of me channeling surfing:

"I'm Conservative Casey Cagle and I worked hard to bring Conservative Casey Cagle Values to Georgia which include hard work at a job that provides vision benefits that lets you get glasses so you kind of look smart."


________________Click_____________________


"Hunter Hill doesn't need glasses. His vision is perfect. Hunter Hill does four thousand crunches at 6:00 in the morning after his twelve mile run. Casey Cagle can't even do one pull up."



________________Click_____________________


"Mah name es Stacy Evans and ah laved in 240 different houses, most offem trailers in trailer perks. Effin it wurnt fer y'all buyun scratch-offs, Ah nefer woodef goneofa to skool."



________________Click_____________________


"Gee, Mr. Kemp, all I did was hold her hand" <BANG! BANG!>    (Voice Over) "Brian Kemp. Loves his daughters. Loves The Second Admendment. Hates boys."

________________Click_____________________


"Don't you think it is time for a Woman of Color to be the governor of Georgia?  Well, what do you know?  I'm Stacey Abrams and I happen to be a Woman of Color and I happen to be running for Governor. 


________________Click_____________________


"My name is Clay Tippins. I used to be a Navy Seal. I don't have to brag about my workout regime like Hunter Hill. I bet a gynocologist is his primary care physician. Did I tell you I was a Navy Seal?"


________________Click_____________________


(Voice Over) "Conservative Casey Cagle. Well, you know. I mean, yeah, why not?"


________________Click_____________________


"No, Mr. Kemp, I didn't touch your daughter. NOT THE BAZOOKA!" <BOOM! BOOM!> (Voice Over)  "Brian Kemp. Really loves his daughters. Loves bazookas. Capche?"


________________Click_____________________


"Mah momma useda tak them lil paks of catups frum Mackey Dees to make usins some mater soup".



________________Click_____________________


"Former Navy Seal Clay Tippins here. Did you know Conservative Casey Cagle gave strip joints a tax break?  Is that the type of jobs he wants to bring to Georgia? Stripper jobs?  What a perv.



________________Click_____________________


"You got to admit it would look good for Georgia to elect someone of color and a woman to boot as governor.  It is a win-win for both of us".



________________Click_____________________


"Conservative Casey Cagle:  He's put in his time."



________________Click_____________________


"Okay, enough with the hillbilly crap. The other Stacey has actually worked with Republicans! How can she? Resist! Resist!"



________________Click_____________________

<voice over>  "Hunter Hill. Sure he's bald, so what?!  Grass don't grow on a busy street, fella.

________________Click_____________________


"Mr. Kemp!  Not the TANK!" (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!)  <voice over> "Brian Kemp. Pro-keeping boys filthy paws off his daughters' silky drawers.  Pro-tank.  Anti-boy."
























Sunday, April 22, 2018

Come To Me, Leon



 My mother did not understand anything about rock and roll music.

One time, she announced she was going to Treasure Island (a local department store, sort of like Target) and my brother asked if she could pick up the new record album by the new group "Led Zepplin".  Mom went to Treasure Island and asked the kid that worked the record department if they had the new record by "Led Zipper".

But where she was most confused was by the lyrics.  She didn't even attempt to translate "Louie, Louie".  Here are some of the song lyrics she got totally wrong, with the correct lyrics highlighted.


"Yellow, yellow, yellow wheels".  "Helen, Helen, hell on wheels"- Paul McCartney "Helen Wheels".

"Oh, man, Dee".  "Oh, Mandy" -Barry Manilow "Mandy"

"I much rather be, Reverend Blue Jeans"- "I much rather be forever in blue jeans"-Neil Diamond "Forever In Blue Jeans".

You get the picture. This went on for years.


One time, in the mid-80's, she asked me if I had heard this song "Come To Me, Leon".  I said I hadn't and asked her if it was something she heard on Ludlow Porch.  "No", she said, "They play it on the regular radio all the time. It doesn't make any sense".

Mom was always saying songs didn't make sense. One time, she asked me if I had heard this "stupid song" about this cake that was left out in the rain and the singer was caterwauling that he'll never have the recipe again.

I said, "That's McArthur's Park" and I went into a whole liberal art education explanation (just to let her know we got our money's worth) about the  symbolism.of the song. The cake represents the relationship but it was left out in the rain (whatever caused the couple's problems) and the relationship has now been dissovled. Oh no.

Mom said, "It is still stupid"

Back to "Come To Me, Leon".  I asked Mom to sing a few bars.

She sang "Come, Come, Come, Come to me, Leon. You come and go. You come and go".

Even though it was sung off-key, I picked up the song she was talking about:  "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club.

"What's a Karma Chameleon?", she asked.  I told her that basically it was a two faced person then she asked why didn't they say that in the first place.  I didn't have the nerve to tell her about Boy George.

"And another thing, why do they say, You're my lover not my Bible?"

"Mom, it is You're my lover not my rival".

"Oh.  That's stupid".

I am happy to say I've inherited some of the inability to catch the correct lyrics to songs. I thought Johnny Rivers was singing "Secret Asian Man"  instead of "Secret Agent Man".

I couldn't make out what Elton John was saying in "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting" "We had enough of your add-do-tation, we had it with your guitar playin'" is what I thought he said.  He said, however,  "Oh, don't give us none of your aggravation, we had it with your discipline."

I'm sure I was in my forties before I understood "Rocket Man".  I knew it gave out great parenting tips: Mars isn't a good place to raise children because it is cold as Hell.  But I didn't know it was "Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone." and don't tell me you did.

I've been looking at a lot of John Prine videos lately. Prine has released a new album and he's finally getting some well deserved acclaim.

In one video, he talks about liking Fats Domino and a song called "Margie".  He said he thought Fats sang in the song "Don't you forget about your mumbly beads".  He relates his suprise when he read in Hit Parader magazine the words were "Don't you forget your promise to me."

Here's the song.  I'm not so sure he doesn't say "mumbly beads" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAM74H_4y8U&list=RDMMEAM74H_4y8U

I guess if a professional Americana country legend can misunderstand a lyric, I can cut Mom some slack.



Sunday, April 15, 2018

Eat More Chicken


Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

We have a winner for probably the most insulting and also the stupidest article written in 2018.  In fact, it may win for the dumbest opinion piece of the decade and very well possibly could be the winner of this century.

It is "Chick-fil-A's Creepy Infiltration of  New York City" in this week's New Yorker magazine by Dan Piepenbring. Here it is for your reading enjoyment. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-gastronomy/chick-fil-as-creepy-infiltration-of-new-york-city/amp

Where to begin? Let's start with these words underneath the picture of the Chick-fil-A on Fulton Street.  "Chick-fil-A’s corporate purpose begins with the words “to glorify God,” and that proselytism thrums below the surface of its new Fulton Street restaurant."

Yes, below the surface of the Chick-fil-A on Fulton Street, little Southern Baptists are scheming to take over The Big Apple one chicken biscuit at a time. Pretty soon, you won't be able to enter the restaurant without being subjected to children doing Bible Sword Drills. The horror!

Piepenbring says, "New York has taken to Chick-fil-A. One of the Manhattan locations estimates that it sells a sandwich every six seconds, and the company has announced plans to open as many as a dozen more storefronts in the city. And yet the brand’s arrival here feels like an infiltration, in no small part because of its pervasive Christian traditionalism. Its headquarters, in Atlanta, are adorned with Bible verses and a statue of Jesus washing a disciple’s feet. Its stores close on Sundays. Its C.E.O., Dan Cathy, has been accused of bigotry for using the company's charitable wing to fund anti-gay causes, including groups that oppose same-sex marriage."

Let me translate this for you.  "Pervasive Christian traditionalism" means Southern White Evangelicalism and that means fat white people, which are totally ick. "Groups that oppose same-sex marriage" means the people that haven't gotten with it and disregarded their religious beliefs or as I like to put it: the people that believe what Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama believed in those dark ages of 2008.

Piepenbring really dislikes the Chick-fil-A Cows, even though they are popular. He says, "If the restaurant is a megachurch (note: a part of his thesis is Chick-fil-A is one big megachurch), the Cows are its ultimate evangelists.

This Piepenbring statement sounds like it was written for The National Lampoon in the seventies.

"It’s worth asking why Americans fell in love with an ad in which one farm animal begs us to kill another in its place. Most restaurants take pains to distance themselves from the brutalities of the slaughterhouse; Chick-fil-A invites us to go along with the Cows’ Schadenfreude."

I don't know why Americans fell in love with the ad.  Maybe because they were funny? Americans like bovines that can't spell.

Additionally, it is not like the Cows are driving the chickens to the slaughterhouse. They are just trying to increase their odds of living.

I'm not sure if Mr. Piepenbring has ever been on a farm. I have. Every farm animal I've ever met would definitely beg to have another killed in its place.  They're just that way.

Mr. Piepenbring continues to sound the alarm bells: "Its arrival in the city augurs worse than a load of manure on the F train".  Maybe it is just me, but I think having a homeless population that bathes in the city's fountains and European sex slaves parading around Times Square with paint on their bare breasts augurs worse.  But then again, maybe I've been brainwashed by Chick-fil-A's frosted coffee.

Piepenbring says, "According to a report by the Center for an Urban Future, the number of chain restaurants in New York has doubled since 2008, crowding out diners and greasy spoons for whom the rent is too dear. Chick-fil-A, meanwhile, is set to become the third-largest fast-food chain in the nation, behind only McDonald’s and Starbucks. No matter how well such restaurants integrate into the “community,” they still venerate a deadening uniformity"

Why in the world would New Yorkers want a nice clean restaurant when they could have a diner or greasy spoon with a C grade slapped on the window?

Piepenbring actually acknowledges there could be another point of view regarding Chick-fil-A.

"Defenders of Chick-fil-A point out that the company donates thousands of pounds of food to New York Common Pantry, and that its expansion creates jobs. The more fatalistic will add that hypocrisy is baked, or fried, into every consumer experience—that unbridled corporate power makes it impossible to bring your wallet in line with your morals. Still, there’s something especially distasteful about Chick-fil-A, which has sought to portray itself as better than other fast food: cleaner, gentler, and more ethical, with its poultry slightly healthier than the mystery meat of burgers. Its politics, its décor, and its commercial-evangelical messaging are inflected with this suburban piety"


Here's a news flash: every fast food place tries to portray itself as better than other fast food. You would never hear McDonald's say, "Yeah, we know it is crap, but it is quick crap"

But, I will give it to Mr. Piepenbring.  I never realized the decor of Chick-fil-A was inflected with suburban piety.  Those Chick-fil-A people are sneaky and we are lucky to have Mr. Piepenbring alert us about them.

He finishes the article with a flourish.  "A representative of the Richards Group once told Adweek, “People root for the low-status character, and the Cows are low status. They’re the underdog.” That may have been true in 1995 when Chick-fil-A was a lowly mall brand struggling to find its footing against the burger juggernauts. Today, the Cows’ “guerrilla insurgency” is more of a carpet bombing. New Yorkers are under no obligation to repeat what they say. Enough, we can tell them. NO MOR.

True, New Yorkers are under no obligation to "repeat what they say".  I have no idea what Mr. Piepenbring is referring to here. He didn't tell us-he was too busy pointing out the schadenfreude of the Cows.  Nobody is making New Yorkers go to Chick-fil-A.  I've been to New York several times and I can assure you there are plenty of places to eat that are not inflected with suburban piety.

Mr. Piepenbring, come on over to the dark side. We have chicken minis.