My Latest Medical Adventure

 

The Rolling Stones said, "What a drag it is getting old."

Tell me about it, Mick.

In August, I will turn 65 years old.  (This is the part of the essay where you are supposed to say, "Why, you don't look 65!")

When I was born, everybody smoked cigarettes. I think the doctor who delivered me was smoking a pack of Pall Mall. ( "Mrs. Manis, <cough> you got a boy.")

The President was named Eisenhower. In 1959, he was 69 years old, 12 years younger than our current President.

TV was relatively new back then, and its shows were in black and white.

On top of that, people here in the South voted mainly for Democrats and were really concerned about who drank from water fountains.

Fortunately, things have gotten better.

We found out that smoking is bad for your health, and smoking is now regulated, and per Cedric The Entertainer, you can't smoke on earth anymore.

We no longer care about drinking fountains. The South is no longer the bastion of the Democratic Party but is generally the bastion of whatever the Republican Party has become.

I come from a time when people had to dress up to attend church, and we sang hymns. Now, we put on our best Sunday-go-to-meeting cargo shorts and sing choruses that last approximately two hours.

What can you say about TV?  If you have cable, you can choose 8 billion channels and watch four of them. 

I don't know how many streaming channels there are, but you can watch a new show each week before you watch a 30-year-old episode of Seinfeld.

(I still laugh when George says, "Why didn't you tell her I was an architect? I've always wanted to pretend I was an architect.")

One of the more depressing things about getting older is that you start breaking down before the Lord calls you home.

Jim Morrison told us nobody gets out of here alive, but if you are feeling good, you sometimes think you might be the exception to the rule.

 
I have an iPhone, and Apple Health is on it. One time, it posted a very serious message stating that I had stumbled (which I don't remember), and people my age have been known to fall.  It wanted me to go my primary care physician and tell her I stumbled.

"Why are you here, Mr. Manis?"  "My phone told me to go to the doctor."

I told my iPhone to mind its own beeswax

A couple of years ago, my wife said I was snoring way too much and wanted me to get a sleep study.

Well, I got a sleep study, but this also involved having my wedding ring cut off because, (surprise, surprise) I have gained weight since 1986, and I could not get my wedding ring off. 

Then, it took almost five months to receive my prescribed CPAP machine for my Sleep Apnea (which is worse than Awake Apnea) because of supply chain issues.

I'm happy to say my CPAP works fine, and the doctor is overjoyed with the results.

That's better than my latest medical adventure.

A couple of years ago, I woke up and was getting out of bed and became really dizzy.  Like most mature   Evangelical Christian men, I thought, "What new fresh Hell is this?"  Then, a couple of days later, my dizziness went away.

Then, last year, before my yearly check-up, I became dizzy again. I figured it was the same thing but made one strategic error: I mentioned it to my wife.

My wife wanted me to tell my doctor about it.  To be compliant with my wife, I did as I was told, totally ignoring that page of the Husband's Handbook to "forget" about telling the doctor. 

Of course, you know what happened.

My primary care doctor referred me to a specialist who referred me for a stress test and an ultrasound.

My ultrasound went fine, but my stress test was put off because my blood pressure was high. I had to go back to the doctor a couple of weeks later. The blood pressure was still high, but they went ahead and did the stress test. 

I had to go back to the doctor several weeks later. His verdict was my heart was strong, but I needed to get the blood pressure down.

So, he said I needed to lose weight. What do I eat? I told him I eat Chick-fil-A every Friday as a treat. He said I may have to give up some things I like. 

I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't use recreational drugs. There's not a lot of things I can give up. It's not like I'm Keith Richards over here.

I will try to be better and shed some pounds. Of course, I want to see my grandson grow up and see (hopefully) that he will be a tall Manis. 

But Lord, please don't make me give up a number four with a Coke Zero, large fries, and Chick-fil-A sauce.

 

Nerds

 

I remember where I was when I first heard the word "Nerd".

I was sitting in a classroom in Wheeler High School and a group of goobers fellow scholars were talking about this show, "Happy Days".

I was never a big fan of "Happy Days". I found it to be stupid. I'm probably the only person on earth that's not a Ronny Howard fan.  But "Happy Days" was a big deal at Wheeler and everybody loved The Fonz.

The kids at Wheeler said the Fonz called Ritchie, Potsie, and the gang "nerds". 

I don't think the kids knew the definition of a nerd, but like the Supreme Court and pornography, they knew it when they saw it. For some reason, they were looking at me.

We've come a long way since 1975, but the internet has some interesting ideas about nerds. 

One blog from "School Supply Boxes" says this: "Nerds are the kids or teens who are well rounded in different subjects in school such as math, English, history, chemistry, drama, yearbook, etc." 

That's news to me.  I understood nerds to have thick glasses, zits, and poor social skills. Which pretty much described me.  I had zits, which usually popped up right about the time I was going to try charming a girl with my wonderful wit. It turns out high school girls like boys with cars or play football. If you had a car and played football at Wheeler you was '70s version of Brad Pitt.

I had thick glasses. Back then there was still some people who thought that glasses made somebody smart. It wasn't true in my case

I wasn't well-rounded at all. The only classes I was good in were history and civics.

Plus, I wasn't into science fiction all that much. I liked "Star Trek," but kept referring to Mr. Spock as Dr. Spock. That will get you kicked out of the Nerd club.

"Star Wars" came out a month before I graduated high school. I saw it and liked it, but I didn't memorize it.

Many of nerds at Wheeler liked The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.  For some reason, I always associated The Lord Of The Rings books with the kids that liked to smoke the wacky tobacky.

I saw a lot of "heads" and "freaks" carrying around the paperback The Lord Of The Rings, which looked like an Uriah Heep* album cover.

In my older years, I've realized The Lord Of The Rings has many profound spiritual truths, especially about short people with hairy feet.

I was in college when I heard some dorm neighbors playing "Dungeon And Dragons."   It was just too weird for me. I took note that none of the players had girlfriends. I can't imagine why.

Over the years, there has been some controversy regarding Geeks and Nerds, although I thought they were identical.

The internet says, "Geeks are eccentric people, often intellectuals, who are passionate about a specific area of interest. They may socialize a lot with people who share this interest. Nerds are intellectual people who tend to be socially clueless."

You got that?  Geeks are eccentric and can be intellectuals (but not necessarily), while Nerds are socially clueless intellectuals.

The primary difference is Nerds would rather be alone while Geeks spend their time with other Geeks, like those guys in my dorm.

Who says you can't learn anything by reading a blog?

The Netflix limited series "3 Body Problem" got me thinking about this subject.

In this series, the planet Earth is threaten with destruction in four hundred years (2424) by aliens that don't understand the difference between a lie and a parable.  The hope of future generations are a couple of hot  female physicists who forget to button their shirts.

There are male physicists in the show, but they mainly sit around, smoke dope, and die.

I wish I could tell you more about it, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Plus, I can't describe what I saw.

It was kind of like watching the German show "Dark." "Dark" was a science fiction show that featured time travel. I think. I'm not sure. My problem with science fiction shows is that they seem to be making it up as they are going along like they are playing an intergalactic game of Calvin Ball. 

You might be asking yourself if you are a nerd.  If you have to ask, it is best that you don't know.

*Uriah Heep was a progressive rock band from Great Britain that was sort of like Spinal Tap except they are not as funny.

Like It Or Lump It: "Masters Of The Air", "The Program", and "Homicide: New York"

 

 

Well, boys and girls, we have a special "Like It Or Lump It."

I will review not one or two but three shows off the streaming services. What a deal!

The first one is "Masters Of The Air," about flyboys during World War II—the Big One, as the dads around East Marietta would say.

It is produced by the Tom Hanks-Stephen Spielberg pairing that made "Band Of Brothers" and "The Pacific." 

Let me say from the outset that "Masters Of The Air" is almost as good as "Band Of Brothers."  Not quite.  Sometimes, you can't hear what the characters are saying because, you know, somebody is shooting at them, and three of their four engines are on fire.  

The show is fast-paced without seeming fast-paced if that makes any sense. Often when an episode ended, my wife and I would look at each other and say, "Is that it?"

This show feels like a movie, you know, the ones you would go to a theatre to see.  I can't say enough good things about it.

You can find "Masters of The Air" on Apple +, and it is worth the subscription cost and the hassle of getting Apple + on your TV set.  Verdict:  Like it!

The following two shows are "documentaries" on Netflix, which has carved out a little niche in documentaries.

You could call "The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping" a documentary.  A more accurate description would be Millennial Revenge Porn.

The filmmaker is Katherine Kubler whose mother died when she was three. Then, OMG, her dad marries the evil stepmother.  They didn't get along, and I'm sure there were a lot of eyerolls in the family.

As she grew, Kubler became more hostile to her dad and new mom and began acting out in typical teenage fashion: drugs, drinking, staying out all night with boys, talking like a Soprano, you know the drill

When Kubler was in high school, she was kicked out of a private Christian school because she was drinking a Mike's Hard Lemonade on campus.

Dad was a man of some means, so he had her "kidnapped" and taken to a private boarding school that was supposed to straighten out little entitled brats like Kubler

Unfortunately, the school was staffed by people who didn't know what they were doing, and in business simply to make money. It is obvious the cure was worse than the disease.

The school abused its students and conned parents out of a truckload of money.

The problem with "The Program" is that it is a way too personal documentary.  There are some serious talking heads here and there, but mainly, it is Kubler and her little buddies are sitting around talking about how everything sucked at the school.

She has valid complaints. However, she spends a lot of time trying to shame and confront former school employees. The series ends with her singing "One Way Or Another"* to one of the school owners (undercover, of course) at a karaoke bar.

Verdict: Lump it (Yes, I know Rotten Tomatoes gives it a pretty high rating, your mileage may vary)

Last but not least is "Homicide: New York" by Dick Wolfe, who has produced all of the various "Law And Order" that have been on TV since the Eisenhower administration.

"Homicide: New York" is very well done. You would be amazed about all of the killings in New York.  It presents five cases, each one very brutal.

The police solve all the cases, of course, but some take longer because of this little thing our justice system calls "proof." 

It is funny because I have never seen an episode of Law And Order, but this documentary makes me want to watch a couple of episodes.

Verdict: Like it! 

*The old Blondie song:  "One way, or another, I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
One way, or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya"

Biden Vs Trump 2: Electric Boogaloo.

 

How did we get so lucky?

Out of the 200 million or so people in the United States, we can choose between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, AGAIN, to be President because the first time was so much fun.

This is the first rematch election since Eisenhower and Stevenson in 1956.

Dwight "Ike" Eisenhower defeated Adali "Yes that's my name" Stevenson by a landslide in 1952. 

The Democrats didn't want to nominate Stevenson, and  Stevenson didn't want to be the nominee.  However, Harry Truman talked both into it, and   Eisenhower won in a landslide, even though his running mate was Richard Nixon, whom we would all get to know better.

When 1956 came around, Stevenson decided he really wanted to be President and ran against Eisenhower again. 

Stevenson's running mate was Estes Kefauver (pronounced: "Key-Faw-Fer"), so you can imagine what a charismatic duo those two were (see below). The only person I know (besides Old Man Manis who was a Yellow Dog Democrat) that voted for Stevenson-Kefauver was Ritchie Cunningham*. But he did it to impress Pinky Tuscadero.

 

 

Trump has the opportunity to be the first president elected to non-consecutive terms since "Big Sexy" Grover Cleveland in 1892.

Cleveland won in 1884, lost to Benjamin "Ben-Ben" Harrison in 1888, and then defeated Harrison in 1892.

Trump and Cleveland are similar in several ways.

One, both are from New York.  Two, both are workaholics.  Three, both are rather husky.

That's about it.  You can't go back to history and say that it is repeating itself because Cleveland was popular for his time. One of my grandfathers was named for him—good old Grandfather Big Sexy.

Trump thinks he is popular, but you don't see anybody naming their newborn sons after him.  

As I have noted before, Biden's biggest problem is his age.  He is 81 years old. He looks, walks, talks, and acts like an 81-year-old man.

His recent State Of The Union address was pronounced a success because he walked to the podium and seemed to know where he was at.

To the relief of his smarty-pants crew at The White House, he didn't veer off the prepared remarks to tell the country that nickels used to have bumble bees on them, and when you needed change for a quarter, you told the man at the cash register that you wanted five bees.

The thesis of his State of The Union address was, "if you think it is bad now, just wait till fat boy gets back in."  He offered no solutions or ideas except not to listen to Republicans. 

Trump responded to Biden in real time using filters on Instagram showing the President and Vice President with googly eyes which of course, raised the level of political debate in this country.

What can you do if you don't like either candidate?  Well, there's always a third party.

 Robert F. Kennedy, Jr is running on the platform that his last name is neither Trump nor Biden.

Kennedy is not as charismatic as his father or uncle.  He is not into vaccines, and he thinks Big Pharma is running the country.  But his wife is cute.

My suggestion is to pray. A lot.

 

*Before you say it, I know Ritchie Cunningham was not old enough or real enough to vote in 1956.

Old Man

 

In terms of "spiritual gifts," I think I have discovered mine.

I can hold open a door.

My wife and I are volunteers in the "How Yew Doing" team at church.

Over the past twenty years, there have been security issues at the various churches in the country.

One way to help secure a church is to control who can (or cannot) enter the building. 

My job is to hold the door open, let people in, and say, "How Yew Doing" in my best Southern accent. One of these days when I'm feeling braver, I might say, "How's your momma and them."

I'm pretty good at it.  I've only locked myself out once.

I open a lot of doors for the older adults coming to church. It is sweet to see these folks coming to church. Some of the men even wear suits and ties while their wives wear dresses. I guess they haven't gotten the memo. But it is swell to see people try to dress up in their Sunday best when I am in my blue jeans with the expando waist.

Then I remember these people aren't that much older than me.

I am sixty-four years old and approaching the door to retirement. I'm sure you'll read more about that later in the year.

But I see myself as an active middle-aged man.

Okay, I'm an active middle-aged man who doesn't like to be out past 10:00 at night.

But I am leaning into my aging, unlike a couple of politicians I can think of off the top of my head.

I still like the music of my youth, even though most of the stars from back then are either A) Dead or B) still touring but sitting down on the stage in a folding chair.

I still watch TV, but I get irritated at shows (mainly on streaming services) that have every character scream the F-word at the top of their lungs every 14 seconds. 

I remember the first time the Original Old Man Manis, my dad, dropped the F-bomb in front of me.  I remember wondering how he knew that word.

My dad was in the Navy during World War II.  I was not a bright child.

I'm not resistant to change. I'm just passive-aggressive about it. 

If the change is good, I'll embrace it. But a lot of change is about just doing something different for the sake of doing something different.

One thing I do not like is that it takes an act of Congress to get an American on the phone at an American company.

I know companies are in business to make money, and one way to make money is to control costs. The way to control costs is to send "offshore" the customer service department. The customer service department will always tell you that they "doubled checked" something because some hooty-doody big wig read in a magazine that Americans will not argue if something has been doubled checked. 

I salute those reps who can speak English; some of them can't.

The interview for these positions.

Boss:  "Can you speak English?"

Applicant: "Uh, double-check."

Boss:  "Close enough."

I was on the phone with a large multinational corporation the other day for some personal stuff, and I could not understand what the customer service agent was saying for the life of me.

Since I am a Southern Baptist male, I'm sure it was my fault.  I hung up and called back.  The next rep was almost as bad, but he transferred me to the beautiful sound you can hear when you contact a customer service department: an American. 

I'm telling you this to let you know I will become more grouchier in the next few years. Plus, I will inform you the "old days" were better. I may be shaking my fist at a cloud or two.

And I will tell you to get my lawn if you are on it before 10:00 PM. 

 

Like It Or Lump It: "Reacher" Season Two

  

Welcome to our feature "Like It Or Lump It" which reviews shows that appear the various streaming services.

When I was a teenager, there was a movie called "Billy Jack."   Billy Jack was a guy who would stroll into town and kick Republicans. They needed kicking because they were not nice to the hippie school teacher or the kids that went to the hippie high school.  I think. It has been over fifty years since I've seen "Billy Jack."

The point is that "Billy Jack" was a popular movie, and people liked seeing Billy Jack kick people who needed kicking.

"Reacher"on Amazon Plus is like "Billy Jack" except Reacher punches people regardless of political affiliation. 

Jack Reacher is a former Army MP who travels the countryside looking for people who need punching and delivers the punching. 

He's not a "hit man" (ha!). Nobody asks him to come to town and whoop up on people.  He strolls into town and notices that a bunch of people need the FIST OF JUSTICE, which he happily supplies.

Reacher is a massive man with six-pack abs and muscles on top of muscles.  He's basically a walking refrigerator.

The first season of "Reacher" finds him in Margrave, Georgia, which don't bother looking for on a map because it doesn't exist. For a place that is fictional, it was really corrupt. Spoiler alert! Reacher cleans out the town while becoming best pals with Oscar, the chief of detectives. 

Reacher even finds love in the arms of a blonde policewoman named Roscoe, which is a hoot because if this were an authentic Georgia policewoman, her name would have been Darlene.

Other facts about Reacher:  He likes jazz and was in Margrave to begin with to find out what happened to Margrave's famous jazz musician, Blind Lemon Jello. Shows like "Reacher" and "Bosch" use the love of jazz music to show how "deep" the character is. But let's be honest: how many people do you know listen to jazz?

Reacher travels light and buys his clothes at Goodwill-type shops OFF THE RACK.  How he can do this, I don't know. 

Season Two of "Reacher" begins with a man thrown out of a helicopter. The man was in Reacher's particular MP unit in the Army. There are several flashbacks where we see Major Reacher and his unit punching various Army personnel in severe need of punching.

It turns out that this man was part of a company that wanted to sell weapons to various countries that want to kill people.  The head of security for this company used to be a Terminator, which I thought would have raised a red flag during the hiring process.

There's a New York City cop who is the last honest cop in New York. He's a tough guy, but his heart is in the right place.

Reacher has two female co-stars who both can kick butt and take a stab wound in the arm.  Reacher has love moments with one of them, in which Reacher takes HIS shirt off.  You should skip this part because it will trigger your inferiority complex.

I liked Season Two of "Reacher" better than Season One.   Some of that is my bias against shows set in the South when it is pretty apparent nobody involved in the show has ever been in the South except to change planes in Atlanta.

Season Two had some comic moments, which helped it out. You have to level out some of the intense drama and punching with some jokes and quips.

My criticism is in the last episode, Reacher hops on a helicopter that is taking off by grabbing and holding on to its landing gear.   I don't care how crunches you can do I don't think that is possible.

Language: Many bad words but not quite at "Sopranos" level.

Violence: A lot of punching, kicking, shooting, and explosions.

Sex: Implied. Jack and the hot girl from the unit have a thing going on.

Plot:  Easy to follow, but doesn't make a lot of sense.

Unbelievable Parts:  The helicopter scene, Jack's ability to quickly set up LLCs for his sidekicks, and his ability to buy off the rack.

You never see:  Jack working out.  I guess he got his muscles from the muscle store.

Verdict: Like it!

2024: Sophie's Election

 

"Sophie's choice refers to an extremely difficult decision a person has to make. It describes a situation where no outcome is preferable over the other".

 

 
I watched President Biden's press conference last week.

It came on at 8:00 in the evening.  I don't know when reruns of "Matlock" are on, but I bet it is before 8:00.

He held it to respond to Special Counsel Robert Hur's decision not to recommend President Biden to be indicted for mishandling classified documents.

Hur's report described The President as a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory."  Supposedly, The President did not remember the years he was Vice President or the year his son died.

To prove Hur was full of malarkey, the President said, “As you know, the president of Mexico, Sisi, did not want to open the gate to allow humanitarian material to get in,” Biden said in response to a question about Israel’s war against Hamas. “I talked to him. I convinced him to open the gate.” 

The Sisi in this sentence is the President of Egypt, not Mexico, but you must hand it to Biden. He got Mexico to open the gate.

All in all, it was an awful moment for Biden.  He yelled at a reporter from CNN for having the nerve to repeat polling data showing voters are concerned about Biden's age.  He said, “That is your judgment, that is not the judgment [for] the press.”  

Just for the record, on Thursday night, the NBC news poll showed 76% are concerned about Biden's age. On Sunday, that became 85%.  That's not a judgment by the press.

It got so bad that CNN even fact-checked The President.  They fact-checked a Democrat.  Let that sink in.

The next day on my Facebook post, I said the press conference was a train wreck in a dumpster fire during a poop storm.  I was being nice.

I posted several weeks ago about how Biden's age problem reminded me of an episode of "Newhart" where a man brings "the world's smallest horse" to show the audience of "Vermont Today."

Newhart asks the man, "How do you know that's the world's smallest horse?"  The man answered, "Look at him."

I don't know how you could have watched Biden's press conference and not see an infirmed elderly man.  Look at him.

Biden has two things going for him.  One, Vice President Harris doesn't seem ready for prime time.  If she were, there would be Democratic leaders meeting with the President like the Republicans did with Nixon in '74. Two,  Biden's 2024 opponent will be Donald Trump.

Trump is four years younger than Biden, but he seems more energetic because he acts like a baboon.

If Biden is unfit for office due to age, Trump is unsuitable due to temperament.  Trump thinks the country is his privately held firm that he can order around to his liking. It's not.  He has to use persuasion, which to Trump means making up a nickname.

So America has a choice. On one hand, you have somebody you would take the keys of the car away from if he was your dad. On the other, we have a man you wouldn't want your mother, daughter, or ex-wife to date.

Biden needs a boat load of Prevagen.  "Now where did I put those nuclear codes?"

Trump needs an exorcism.  What he said about John McCain years ago was inexcusable. He brought McCain up a few weeks ago, noting McCain could not raise his hands over his head.  McCain couldn't do that because the North Vietnamese were torturing him while Trump was in Manhattan trying to avoid the Clap.

This past week, Trump said about Nikki Haley's husband: “Where’s her husband? Oh, 'he’s away, he’s away.’ What happened to her husband? What happened to her husband? Where is he? He’s gone."

Haley's husband is a South Carolina National Guard member and has been deployed to Africa.

What are we going to do?