I have tendonitis in my left wrist and I have one thing to say about tendonitis: it hurts like a son of a gun (to quote the late, great Joey Bishop).
While I have been dealing with this minor medical issue, it reminded me of another minor medical issue, the type of medical issue that falls into the category of really embarrassing, so I am going to use euphemisms to describe my condition.
For several years I had been dealing with the same medical condition as Hall of Famer George Brett. I had been going to the doctor for my annual check up and my doctor would say, "Your medical condition that is similar to what Hall Famer George Brett has is really getting in my way" but then he would, "but (no pun intended) it is no big deal".
|George upset about his "problem"|
Then one year he said, "I want it out of there". I guess it became a big deal so I went to my Colon-Rectal specialist. He's a great guy especially considering he's a butt-doctor. My only problem with the practice is that you have to park in the rear. That and sometimes his staff gets a little behind in their paper work.
But seriously, he is a great doctor. Both his Dad and brother are in this practice. I would hate to have Thanksgiving Dinner at their house. Can't you hear the rest of the family say "No more talking shop, The Non Colon-Rectal Specialists are trying to eat".
I always wondered what magazines they read. Celebrity Heinys, American Rears, No Butts About It
When I got to the doctor's office I had to fill out some forms. A lot of the questions dealt with elimination, if you can believe it.
One question asked how many times a day. I put down how many and took the form to the counter. The front desk nurse took it and read it. She exclaimed, "Really, this many times a day?! That is awesome!". Evidently we found at what I am really good at. I told my wife that I was a Super Pooper.
I go into the examination room thinking my "problem" would be dealt with at the office. This is when I learned an important lesson.
If your doctor ever says, "Whoa" as part of your examination, you are going to have a couple of unpleasant days.
He explained that there was no way he could, er, solve my situation in the office and I would require surgery.
I had never had any surgery that required me to be in the hospital. That bothered me. Plus it bothered me that I couldn't even go to a faith healer if I wanted to-no way would a faith healer try to lay hands on that.
The big day came and I was pretty calm. Except when they began rolling me to surgery. There is a stop where they let the spouses kiss each other and I realized that this could be the last time I kissed my wife. I'm not sure why I thought this, but I started getting nervous.
I'm rolled into the surgical suite and a nurse says, "After we put you out, we're going to pick you up and put you on your stomach. This nurse must have weighed 90 pounds. There was no way, she could do that.
The next thing I knew, a nurse told me, "Mr. Manis, you're going have to wake up." I told her that they haven't started yet. She said, "We've been finished about thirty minutes".
My wife and son take me home. I'm in a fog. I lay down on the couch and my wife goes to the drug store to fill my prescription for PAIN MEDICATION.
I'm not sure what PAIN MEDICATION I was prescribed. The only thing I can say is that I felt like I was in the song "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" when I took my PAIN MEDICATION. I pictured myself in a boat on a river. There were tangerine trees and marmalade skies and my cat had kaleidoscope eyes.
|This is what my cat looked like.|
I remember my friend, Tall Billy, calling to check on me. I'm pretty sure I told him I just got home from Illinois. Dinosaurs, Victrolas, Buck Owens, tambourines and elephants playing in the band were mentioned too.
After a couple of days, I snapped out of my drug haze. My, um, rear, did not hurt. However, my throat was killing me-due to the anesthesia tube that was put down my throat for the surgery.
I am happy to say that this surgery was seven years ago and I have not had a problem since. I would like to thank my doctor for doing such a great job. And George Brett.