It is coming to your city, if you want a little zing in your zang-zang. It is time for the start of our favorite professional sport: College Football
If you don’t count the death of Joe Paterno and the practical death Penn State football, the discovery that the least charismatic coach in the SEC was a horn dog, the announcement that big time College Football will finally have a playoff and that UGA/LSU/TENNEESSEE kicked STAR players off of their teams for various felonies/misdemeanors (all of which involved Wacky Tobacky) nothing much happened in the off season.
Now this nation, which is going through a Presidential election, turns its lonely eyes to this one particular game that kicks off the season which kicks off hours of watching TV commercials about solving the vast problem of male impotency by sitting in twin tubs in your back yard.
Of course, this game is the Kutztown vs. St Anselm.
Kutztown is a public university in Kutztown, Pennesylvania which is a “quaint borough with an overall area of roughly 1.6 square miles. The campus is in a beautiful rural Pennsylvania Dutch community". Nothing says ‘party’ to a young person more than the words “quaint borough”and "rural Pennsylvania". St Anselm is a small school in New Hampshire that tells perspective students: “Whether you want to be a doctor, teacher, nurse, or lawyer; start your own business or make films—or you simply know you want to make a difference and you want to figure out the best way to do it, Saint Anselm will tell you that you didn’t build that or do it on your own”. When they played last year, Kutztown won 56-30. You could say they kicked some Anselm.
This week’s picks!
Dawgies vs. Bulls and/or Bills: Last year, Georgia started the season with a game against Boise State, which was a huge mistake, particularly if you remember the Dawgs uniforms looked like one of those bad LSD trips you heard about in the 60’s. The University of Buffalo is no Boise State. Dawgs win.
Buzzy vs. Turkeys: Georgia Tech, led by Head Coach Paul (Happy Face) Johnson, will have a good season this year. Honest. It is just won’t start out that good. Virginia Tech wins.
Urange Tigers vs. Wartigereagleplainsmen: Clemson is one of those teams that always looks good early in the year and then explode into an awesome sea of badness. Plus, their head coach is named “Dabo”. I generally never pick an ACC team over a SEC team. I won’t this time: Auburn wins.
The Tears vs. The Werewolves of Raleigh: This is a big year for Tennessee Head Coach Derek Dooley who needs to do something to impress the Volunteer Nation besides wearing orange pants. Winning football games might help. They’ll win this one. Tennessee wins
Chickens vs. The Commode Doors: I can’t say enough about the job Steve Spurrier has done at South Carolina. Although he is a paranoid psychotic, I love the guy and can do a fairly good impression. Vanderbilt almost had a winning season last year. I can’t do an impression of Vandy Head Coach James Franklin, but I’m happy to report that he started his coaching career at …Kutztown. If there is any team that going to go to the SEC Championship to get beat by either LSU or Bama (besides Georgia), it is South Carolina. Chickens win.
Meechigan vs. Bamy: All Alabama did last year was win the BCS Championship without winning their conference or their division. They lost a lot to the NFL, but Bama just reloads. Michigan seems like they are back. They just aren’t back far enough. Bama wins.