Tuesday, November 24, 2009

This Week's Picks!

Last Saturday was one of those weird days in college football in which nothing made sense. For example, take the Harvard-Yale in which Yale was leading Harvard 14-10 late in the fourth quarter. While still in their own territory, Yale had a fourth and twenty-two. Seeing that Yale is one of the top colleges in the world, if not the universe, you would think Yale would punt and have their defense stop Harvard.

You would be wrong.

Yale decided to do a fake punt, gained only fourteen yards and turned the ball over to Harvard. On the first play from scrimmage, Harvard scored the winning touchdown. It is not known if the Yale coach has accepted a position with the Obama economic team.

However, that decision seemed down right scholarly compared to Les Miles’ Brain, um, Flatulence against Ole Miss. Ole Miss was compelled and determined to give the game to LSU when Les Miles and his clock management team managed to lose the game. Here’s what Pat Forde of ESPN said, channeling Les Miles barking instructions to Jordan Jefferson: “Jordan, it's all on you. You're 19 years old and doing this for room, board and tuition. I'm making $3.751 million a year. But you're on your own now, and if this goes badly I'm throwing you in front of the post game media train without hesitation”

I also need to mention that the Edinboro Fighting Scots, the official Division Two Team of This Week’s Picks lost to West Liberty University by the final score of 84-63. This proves the old football proverb, “If you can’t keep a team to less than 80 points you don’t deserve to go to a Division Two Championship game”.

And the dog died.

After UGA VII died, you could sense that something was seriously wrong at the University of Georgia. I mean, a “memorial service”, for a dog. What could you say besides, “He was a good dog”? It’s not like he told good jokes or was handy around the house.

I knew it was going to be a middling year for UGA. I just didn’t think it would include losses to Tennessee and Kentucky. I accept the yearly beat down from the Gators. But Kentucky? That’s like running for President and getting beat by Jimmy Carter.

This Week’s Picks!

Sick Puppies vs. Mighty Bees: In your heart of hearts, you know it would be so cool if UGA, as down as they are now, slays the mighty Yellow Jackets. Look, if they can’t beat them with Stafford, they ain’t going to beat them with Joe Cox. Tech wins and Georgia says, “Hello Shreveport”. (I was on “Hello Shreveport” in the late 70’s).

Rolling Tide vs. Warring Eagles: Awe-burned is getting better and has a better shot at beating Bama than UGA does Tech. They’ll still lose to Bama.

Timmah vs. Bobbah: It would be funny if both Tim Tebow’s last game as a Gator is the same game as Bowden’s last game as coach of FSU. It won’t happen. Twenty years from now we are going to wonder when the 100 year old Bobby Bowden is going to retire. Gators win.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at Picks Central!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

This Week's Picks!

Good news everybody: In last week’s playoff game, The Fighting Topless Skirt wearers, I mean The Fighting Scots of Edinboro defeated East Stroudsburg (College Motto: Don’t Confuse Us With West Stroudsburg) in an exciting game that will long be remembered at every Perkins in central Pennsylvania. The Scots will take on West Liberty for the opportunity to play the winner of California of Pennsylvania and Shippensburg. Now say with me: who? No! Say with me: Go Fighting Scots! It is good that at least one pugnacious Anglo-Saxon nicknamed team is in the hunt for the real National Championship. Here's a team picture:

On top of that, the Division Three Brackets are out! Can you believe that Ohio Northern wasn’t selected for the playoffs? No, politics won out and Washington and Jefferson (the school) won the final seed and get to play Mount Union. Odd, Mount Union and University of Wisconsin-Whitewater Six Flags are on different sides of the bracket page almost insuring that they meet, once again, in the Division Three Championship in Salem Virginia. When those people from Wisconsin hit Salem, look out!

This week’s picks!

Go in Dumb/Come out Dumb Too vs. Shep Smith’s School: Son, if these schools were in Division Three we would not worry about Mount Union. LSU seems to get stronger and stronger, while Ole Miss whipped Tennessee (Lane’s excuse this week: Team in jail). LSU is just meaner, stronger, and better…except at quarterback. Doesn’t matter, they’ll beat Ole Miss.

The Ohio State University vs. Meechigan: For a while there, it looked like Michigan was back. For a while in 1972, I thought I’d might grow up to be at least 5’10”. That didn’t pan out either. The Buckeyes have won the Big Ten. Ugh. Ohio States wins this one too.

Dawgies vs. Kentucky: What do you know? UGA won a game against a rival. I would feel better about this game if A.J. Green was playing. Still, it is Kentucky football. I’m going with the Dawgs.

Aroused Frogs vs. Male Cows: Ha, just a little racy humor. Everyone knows that Horned Toad is a lizard. Did you laugh when Yosemite Sam would say, “Great Horny toads”? I know I did. Anyway, TCU is the BCS buster of the year. Wyoming hasn’t had a good team since Pat Dye was the coach (whoa…trivia). TCU wins.

Eagles vs. Citadel: Everything was going okay for the Mighty Eagles of Statesboro and then they met Ap State. But, I have faith, One More Time! Eagles win.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Parent Discussion: On Colleges

It is that time of year when high school seniors are learning if the work (if any) that they did in the three years previously in high school (right) will get them into the college of their choice.

The college of their choice is always some place else. Another city, another state, another country, another planet (“Dad, Mars has some of the best facilities to study red dust in the solar system”). The one thing the college of their choice has in common with all of the other colleges of other kids is that it literally costs an arm and a leg to pay for it. Unless they give you scholarships, which sounds good but often times ends up being no big whoop, like the Camden County Toastmasters Scholarship-$100.00 a school year. This means they give you $50.00 a semester. So your bill of $12,000.00 a semester is now $11,950.00. Welcome to college. (Oh yeah, I'm not including books, meals, the various do-dad fees, and of course, spirit wear)

I’m going to let you in on a dirty little secret. It really doesn’t matter that much where they go to school. What matters is that they join a fraternity or sorority.

Ha! Just a little of that college humor. As far what they learn, it is true that when you pick out a college, you are picking out a name just as much as you are anything else.

Now granted, if you go to an Ivy League school, that will mean a whole lot more than going to my alma momma Kennesaw State University (Home of The Fighting Owls) when you go apply for job. However, once you get the job, if you call in sick every other day, work on Facebook more than your assignment or get into political discussions with your boss, no diploma is going to help you.

My son is a college freshman, so last year I’ve become reacquainted with the college process. Most boys choose a college on the basis of the football team.

I cannot describe the importance of going to a school that has a football team. When I was at Kennesaw, it did not even have a basketball team. There is something about football which gives a school an identity. However, the one good thing about a no football team college is that you can be a fan of another school. In fact, I think a majority of fans of the various SEC football teams have never stepped foot in their favorite team's classroom. Just like the players.

On the other hand, girls, who let’s face it are light years ahead of boys in maturity, brains, color co-ordination, etc, choose colleges on the basis of academic reputation.

Hate to break it to you Mom, but them ain’t boys lifting up their shirts going “whooo”. Girls tend to go where their friends are going so they all can search for romance together, somehow get a degree, and become the President of company that builds houses for homeless widows and rabbits. And a place where they can drink and get pooped faced with the boys.

Having said all of that, there are lots of colleges/universities out there.

The Large State University

Every state has one or two large state universities. These schools are massive entities unto themselves that have their own personality and traditions. They usually don’t cost as much as a private college but they have large classes and often the dorms (like at the University of Georgia) are dumps. But, they usually have good food and rock bands (my favorite name of a college band: The Shut Ups). You don’t have to explain where you went to school. If you say, “Illinois” people have an idea of your academic background versus going to ‘Northwest New Hampshire Polytechnic State College and University'.

The Directional State University

Every state has a university that somehow has a direction in the name and is an up and coming college. Southern Mississippi. East Carolina. Western Michigan. My son goes to Georgia Southern.

When I was going to college, Georgia Southern had a reputation of being a party school, kind of like a chicken fried Animal House. I’m happy to say that after all of these years, it still has that reputation. I mean, the motto on the school seal is “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” (rim shot).

The truth is (Mom, sit down), all colleges are party schools to one degree or another. I have a friend of mine that went to Georgia Tech (a really hard college that enjoys torturing its students) tell me that he was walking down North Avenue when right in front of him was a splat of human vomit. He looked up and there was a fellow student up in a tree (this was when they still had trees on North Avenue) that had delivered the payload of throw up.

I told my son that I was quite aware of the legends of Georgia Southern parties. I’ve heard alums tell me things that I hope Jesus didn’t see. But I told him that college always looks fun. That’s how they market colleges: Come build your future and have fun doing it. But the fact of the matter is that if you are at Georgia Southern or Georgia Tech or wherever, if you don’t do your work, you are going to flunk out.

Next time: Other Types of Colleges

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

This Week's Picks!

Last year, This Week’s Picks decided to do something very dumb: follow the Division Two, Division Three, and FCS championships. It was dumb because, for the most part, I knew nothing about the teams I was reviewing. So, I just generally made up stuff. (Surprise!)

All I know about Division Three is that if you bet, bet on Mount Union. In the last 200 years of Division Three football, Mount Union has won 197 Division Three Championships.

Over in Division Two, they have announced their playoff brackets. West Texas Outback will play Northwest New Hampshire Polytechnic. Maryland Middle Banks faces off against University of Texas Out There. Perennial Division Two Power house Carson-Daily has a bye.

Seriously, one college that is in the playoff is Edinboro, which I thought was in Scotland, but turns out it is in Pennsylvania. They are the Fighting Scots. They beat Millersville last week. I know, I was surprised too.

This Week’s Picks!

Them Dawgs vs. WarPlainsTigereagles: At one time, I was really worried about the puppies in this one. Awe-burn is getting better, but the season is only so long. Dawgs win, but if the War Eagles win, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Big Bad Bees vs. Dook: Paul Johnson went for it on fourth and one when he could have tied it with a field goal. He looked like he always looks: like a man that didn’t get the rental car he wanted. The real sleeper team in the country is Duke, but they’ll be put to sleep Saturday. Bees win.

Team De-Jour vs. The Ohio State University of the World: Iowa lost its quarterback and their self respect against Northwestern last week. I hate Ohio State. They should beat Iowa. But I’m still picking Iowa because I hate Ohio State.

Team Dejour II vs. Carry me back, Virginny. Cincinnati has twelve quarterbacks and UGA doesn’t have any. Virginia is running out the clock while the Bearcats can make a statement. They will all over Virginia. Cincy wins.

Number Two vs. Number 129. Bamy faces the other Bulldogs, the Starkville kind. They could play Mississippi State and Georgia and beat them both, at the same time. Bamy keeps marching towards Atlanta.

Georgia Southern vs. Furman: I forgot to make a pick last week and the Eagles lost to Samford, which is sort of like UGA losing to Edinboro. Anyway, the Eagles should bounce back and win. Eagles. One more time.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Mad Men Recap

Episode Twelve, “The Grown-Ups” is the episode that answered the question: will “Mad Men” do an episode on The Kennedy Assassination and how it affected the office of Sterling-Cooper?

The answer was yes because it was (Caution, Caution: liberal arts word coming) the seminal event of the 60’s. Asked anybody who was around at the time, and they could tell you what they were doing. Except me. I was four. I think I was taking a nap.

Anyway, we found out that Peggy Olsen will have to make up a great big lie when she tells her children where she was when Kennedy was killed: She will probably say she was having lunch with a client when actually she was having (as we said in the 70’s) a little afternoon delight with the comically named Duck Phillips.

Before the end of Camelot, the English boss promoted Kenny Cosgrove, who is; let’s face it, cool, over Pete Campbell, who is not. Pete goes home to sulk with the wife.

Meanwhile, Roger Sterling’s daughter is finally getting married and she doesn’t like what New Mommy bought her and pitches a fit. Roger yells at New Mommy and New Mommy runs into the bathroom.

All of this was shattered by those three shots in Dallas. Don rushes home and finds that the change has already come: the maid is sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette with Betty.

The day after the Assassination, was the wedding day (trivia: I worked with somebody that was married on that day. Really.) and it turned out to be a bust. No waiters, no wedding cake. Everybody was walking around gloomy because a big eared Texan was President.

Into this happy occasion walks: Rocky’s Aide, with whom Betty has locked lips. Betty spends most of the rest of the wedding staring at the guy, giving her “take me from my terrible, but well cared for life” look.

The next day, Betty is watching TV and sees Lee Harvey Oswald get assassinated (people were doing that a lot back then). This gives the viewer two surprises: one, Betty shows real emotion besides dull rage and two, provides Betty with the logic to blame Don for all of the problems with the world when in fact all he ever did was assume the identity of a dead man and have sex with about 400 women. Geez, some people.

Rocky’s aide, having only seen Betty three times, decides he wants to marry her. Boy, could Don give him some stories. Betty marches back to the house and announces that she doesn’t love Don anymore, which hurts Don because he just broke up with Miss Future Hippie in the last episode.

The next day is Monday, which was an official day of mourning. This meant the office was closed. Of course, this means Don will go to the office and drink and smoke. Don’t fret, Don. Only a couple of more months before The Beatles hit town.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This Week's Picks!

Last week we found out that trying to blind another human being is wrong. It is two quarters against Vanderbilt wrong.

We also found out that if only Coach Mark Richt was just holler at his players, maybe Georgia might win a game against a ranked opponent in the Obama era, because the black helmets just ain’t workin’ Coach! (Sorry, I was channeling Shane from Stockbridge on the Mark Richt radio call in show).

Oh well, even if UGA wins the rest of its games, it maybe looking at a bowl game in Shreveport. The Dawg nation travels well, and the Shreveport TV stations would love the shots of grown men hunkering down and barking. But, you know, UGA just isn’t a great team this year. Too many problems. Defense that can’t defend. An offense that is offensive. No blocking. No tackling. The Jerry Glanville-ish belief that the color black gives special super powers. Maybe next year. Dooley didn’t have a great year every year.

This week’s picks!

Dawgs with or without eyes vs. A Tech They Can Beat: UGA licks (sorry) its wounds against Tennessee Tech. They will win but nobody will care. Dawgs win.

Big Bad Bees vs. Backslidden Deacons: Tech is waltzing through what Jeff Schultz calls “Nerder’s Row (Vandy, Wake, and Duke). Wake should be better, but they have been snakebite all year. Tech won’t lose another game on its schedule. Tech wins.

Went In Dumb vs. Come out Dumb, Too: There was a letter in this week’s Sports Illustrated that really got my goat. Responding to a cover story about how great The SEC is, a reader said that even though the SEC is great now, it will never overcome the stain of segregation. No, a great football game cannot overcome social injustice. It must have been an ACC fan. Anyway, LSU plays Bam-y in what might be one of the best games of the year. The Tide’s defense is incredible. I think Bama will win. Barely.

JoePeePa vs. The One and Only Ohio State University: One team has Terrelle Pryor and the other one doesn’t. I’m picking the one that doesn’t: The Lions of Mount Nittany wins.