The Certified Woke Bae Goes Wrong

The latest battle in the War of The Sexes is over Aziz Ansari.  Really.

In case you don't recognize the name, Aziz Ansari is a comedian and was on the hit TV show "Parks and Recreation". He played Tom Haverford, a stylish member of a mythical parks and recreation departement in Indiana.   He was pretty funny on the show, although I can only take him in small doses.

Stop me if you had heard this before. He meets a woman at a party. They go to his place. Yadda, yadda.

Actually, if you want to read more about this encounter, you can find an article on Babe. Net about it. Until this week, I never heard of Babe.Net, but I assume the mission of Babe. Net is to keep everybody woke.

"Grace" (the young lady) describes meeting Mr. Ansari, going on the date, and then going back to his apartment in the fashionable Manhattan Tribeca neighborhood. You can almost hear the squeal when the writer notes Taylor Swift lives in the same apartment building.

From there, the article reads like a "Letter to Penthouse" gone wrong. The article goes into great detail about what Ansari and "Grace" did.

As a dude, I will say it was a lot for a first date.  Things must have changed from the time when I was on prowl.

I won't go into great detail except to say at Wheeler High School in 1975 it would have been considered a Double Grand Slam Home Run where your team gets eight runs instead of four.

She said she gave him "verbal" and "non-verbal" cues to indicate she wasn't interested but he ignored them.

I hate to quote myself, but you cannot give  cues "verbal" or "non-verbal" to a man especially when he has the itch. Here's what I wrote several weeks ago.

"You cannot say to a man, "go to the store and buy milk" thinking he will automatically know what brand to buy just because it has been magically appearing in the refrigerator for five years. No, you have to say, "Get the milk that has the picture of a cow wearing an apron" or he'll come back with almond milk or maybe a six-pack of Sprite."

If it is difficult to get a man to run an errand, correctly,  try to imagine how difficult it is to get a man to understand that "you're not interested" when he is very interested.  He understands "cues" like a dog understands Greek.


That's why Grandma slapped her gentleman callers. That's about the only cue a man with loving on his mind understands.

But instead of slapping Ansari, "Grace" kind of mealy-mouthed her way through the encounter.

When she left, she felt embarassed and humiliated because, ewwww, Tom Haverford.

I mean, on the chain of celebraties to date, comedians are not rock stars. Especially, wee ones like Ansari. But still, he was a celebrity and it is not news that celebrities use their celebrity to get what Grandpa used to call nookie.

"Grace" was ready to let the episode fade into her past as a simple twist of fate until she watched The Golden Globes. Ansari won an award and wore a "Times Up" button indicating his support "support for the fight against sexual assault and harassment".   Although the Babe.Net article doesn't say, this is probably what drove "Grace" to tell her story.

"Grace" felt like Ansari was a cad. No argument from me.

However, this is where the story gets sort of funny.

The article notes Ansari is not some testosterone filled 18 year old but "a 34-year-old actor and comedian of global renown who’s probably done more thinking about the nuances of dating and sex in the digital age than practically anyone else."

I've done a lot of thinking about "the nuances of dating and sex", too. The difference being I did mine during the paleozoic era.

The article states his routines now focus "less on his own sexual disenfranchisement and more on pressing societal issues like racism and sexual assault, a move that’s earned him tons of praise."  One magazine called him a "certified woke bae".  That is the second highest praise a millennial can give to a person. (The highest praise: "totally certified woke bae")

A couple of things. Someone in the entertainment industry being hypocritical. Wow. Knock me down with a feather.

Two, even though Ansari has admitted the sex part of the encounter, it is still basically "He said-she said".  I'm not sure how we are suppose to react to a knock-down dragged out account of the passion except to accept every word out of  "Grace's"mouth and that Ansari should never work again or at the very least have his certification of wokeness revoked.  Ansari should be happy he's not a college student or he would have been expelled.

Three, Ansari apparently humilated "Grace" so "Grace" decided to humilate Ansari with a detailed look at his boorish technique. The dude needs to read a couple of books, if you know what I mean.

Of course, there are those that say we need to have a "conversation" about women, men and sex. My causal observation that those who want to have a "conversation" actually want to have a "monologue" and guess who will be talking.
 

But maybe I'm just not woke enough.

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President Winfrey. Don't Laugh.

One of the series I used to do with this blog was called  Who Will Not Be President.  In it, I examined people who were "planning" or thinking about running for President and explain why they were wasting everyone's time.

Not meaning to brag, but I had a pretty good track record. For example, I said we wouldn't have a President Haley Barbour or a President Newt Gingrich and I was right.

However, I hit a big wall with one person.  I wrote not once, but twice, that Donald Trump would never become President.  Oops. I'm not exactly the only one who said that, so give me a break.

Because of that, I've decided never to say never when it comes to who will be elected President.

Instead, I will offer my occasional insights into what I think are the strengths and weaknesses of those want to become President.

Before I start, and I shouldn't have to say this, but I will.  I am trying to be as "objective" as possible and still write something I think will make you laugh.  I have not abandoned any great principles I have and I've certainly haven't gone over to any dark side even though they may have donuts.

I put in that disclaimer because the first subject is Oprah Winfrey.

In case you missed it, Oprah was given an award at The Golden Globes, for some unknown reason. I'm not quite sure what The Golden Globes are, except up until last year it was a time you could turn on your TV and see your favorite Hollywood star three sheets in the wind.

Then last year happened and Meryl Streep felt this great need to address her unwashed subjects on the election of Donald Trump.  It was a snide, most elite, condescending address to a group of people that used to be called "the public" or  "the people who buy overpriced movie tickets to watch your goofy movies".  Of course, Hollywood loved it.

This year, because of Harvey Weinstein and the #metoo movement, Hollywood felt like they had to put these awful horn-dogs in their place. So, the ladies wore black in solidarity and they invited the biggest gun to speak-bigger than Meryl Streep. So big, this person is known only by one name:  Oprah.

She gave, by all accounts, a stem-winder of a speech. In it, she said, "For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dare speak the truth to the power of those men. But their time is up. Their time is up."

A cynical person, for example like me, would have responded.  That's true. For too long, people didn't believe Paula Jones because if you drag a $100 bill through a trailer park, there's no telling what you'd find. And we didn't believe Linda Tripp because she was tubby and wore glasses.

But no matter. Hollywood lapped up Oprah's speech and they are really excited about her running for President. While she hasn't really said if she would or would not, here's what I think is her strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths

First of all, Oprah Winfrey is a masterful communicator.  This separates her from the current occupant of The White House and frankly everybody else in politics. She knows what she wants to say and how she wants to say it. As they say in sports in regards to speed, you can't coach that. You either have it or you don't and she has it.

Secondly, as part of her talk show career, she knows how to listen. Again, this separates her from everybody in politics. Additionally, she knows how to appear sympathetic. That goes a long way in politics, especially the Presidency.

Third and this is big, Americans know her and like her. She was a guest in their living rooms for over 25 years.  My mother, who was a  person of her times, loved Oprah Winfrey. Winfrey connects with people.  Elizabeth Warren doesn't. Boom.

Fourth, Winfrey is the creator and CEO of a cable network. She is a very rich person who started from nothing. Nobody gave her a million dollars to start a company.

Finally, Winfrey is younger than Biden, Warren, Sanders, and Hickenlooper.  Okay, I'm not sure why being younger than Gov. Hickenlooper is a strength, but I just like writing the name.


Weaknesses

This first weakness isn't really personal to Winfrey herself. It just seems a little too cute for the Democrats to bring Winfrey up. Okay, Middle America, you want a TV star president?  Here you go!

Her second weakness is we don't know too much of what she believes in, politically. We assume she is your Barack Obama generic garden-variety left-wing Democrat, but we really don't know.  She might be to the right of Obama on some issues. She may be to the left of Bernie Sanders.We don't know.


Her third weakness is Presidents have to make unpopular decisions.  It is easy to be popular when you give everybody a car. It is more difficult to say, "I'm sending your son to war...and your son to war...and your son to war."  She's always been one of the most popular people on the planet. I wonder what she would think of being compared to Hitler.

Then, there is this.

Harvey Weinstein and "his ways" could have been called an "open secret" in the entertainment industry except it wasn't so secret.  It doesn't look like Winfrey "spoke the truth to power" when she had the opportunity.

She has a couple of other areas in which could be a problem, but since Trump (a thrice-married man who built casinos and has a model wife who has done nude sessions but still managed to be the candidate of a lot of Evangelicals), I have no idea.

One, she is not married but has a significant other.  I would think that would matter but it might not.

Two, she is being attacked, already, for "spreading the anti-vaccine pseudoscience" (she had Jenny McCarthy on and basically didn't challenge McCarthy's statements that childhood vaccines cause autism).  Winfrey says she was just presenting information and letting the viewers make up their own minds.  If this is correct, we need to all apologize to Michelle Bauchman.

It may be way too early to think Oprah Winfrey is going to run for President. All I know, she has a really weak field in the Democratic party and Trump shouldn't take her too lightly.

57 (Billion) Channels And Nothing On

The topic for today is television.

In the old days, you would walk into your living room or den, turn a knob and the TV would come on. You have maybe five or six channels to watch. 

Then cable happened.

Now we have a billion channels and there are still only five or six channels I watch.

The Channels I Watch

1) The News Channels.  There are basically three news channels: CNN, MSNBC, and FOX.  The basic news on CNN and MSNBC is President Trump really sucks, bigly. The news on FOX is President Trump is really great and represents THE PEOPLE, if the OTHER PEOPLE would let him get to work for THE PEOPLE that elected him to work for THE PEOPLE.

2) The Sports Channels.  There is ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN-SEC, ESPN-CLASSIC, ESPN-NEWS, and  ESPN-COLLEGE.  ESPN used to show athletic contests.  I remember when they used to show "Austrialia Rules Football" which was sort of like rugby. Now they mainly show highlights from last week's big game  and various talk shows in which sportswriters yell at each other. One show, "Around The Horn", which has been on for years, features "competitive bantering", whatever that is.

3) The Rerun Channels.  These are the stations like TBS and TV Land which shows reruns of classic comedy shows like "Seinfeld" and "Everybody Loves Raymond".  For my money, "Everybody Loves Raymond" is probably the best sitcom in the past 20 years.  It always makes me laugh.  For the record, I like "The Big Bang Theory".  It is a funny show. I know it is not hip to say you like "The Big Bang Theory"-it is like saying you love Perry Como.   For some reason, "The Big Bang Theory" reminds me of a lot of my friends. I won't name names.

4) The History Channels.  There are a couple of history channels.  One specializes in Hitler. That Hitler guy, he's everywhere.The other specializes in people going into a pawn shop.  This is a typical segment of that show:  "Pawn Stars":

A man comes in with what he says is an original copy of "The Gettyburg Address".  Rick looks interested and says, let me get a buddy in here to look at it.  Rick's buddy (an handwriting expert or some guy wearing an Amish hat) looks over it, takes out a jewler's eye, makes a few grunting noises and says, "The handwriting is definitely Abraham Lincoln's. In my exteremly learned and informed opinon, this is the original copy of 'The Gettysburg Address' and it is worth 4 billion dollars."  Rick shakes his hand and the buddy walks out the door. Rick asks the man how does he want for it. The man says "2 billion dollars". Rick says, "Wow, we're way off. I'm going to offer you 50 dollars. I have to get it framed."

5) HGTV.   This is the Home and Gardens channel, although there isn't any gardening shows, not that I'm complaining.  There are several gardening shows on Atlanta radio and here's what I've learned: you need to water your plants.
 

No, on HGTV, it is all about "flipping houses". This means people buy junk houses, some of which are still on fire or underwater, renovate them, and sell the houses at a glorious profit. Shows include "Flip This House", "Flip Another House",  "Flip Houses You Don't Own", "Flip, Flip, Flip", "Flip This Flip" (people buy a house that has been renovated and then renovate them some more), and "Flippy Flipperson"  (this is a cartoon dolphin that teaches kids how to flip houses.)

One popular show on HGTV is "Property Brothers" in which "Jonathan and Drew Scott help couples find, buy, remodel and transform extreme fixer-uppers into their ultimate dream home".  I believe "Jonathan" and "Drew" are the same person and not "brothers" like HGTV wants you to think.

One thing that gets me are the couples on "Property Brothers". He works as a part time barista at Starbucks. She collects aluminum cans on the side of the road.  Their budget for a new house: 1.8 million. 

The other big show on HGTV is "Fixer Upper". It "pairs renovation, design and real estate pros Chip and Joanna Gaines with home buyers to renovate homes that are in great locations, but have bad design or are in poor condition."   I will translate this for you. Chip and Joanna renovate homes in Waco, Texas.

Women love "Fixer Upper".  Chip and Joanna seem like real people, even though it does seem like Chip has really outkicked his coverage, if you know what I mean.  They seem like people you would go to Sunday School with. "Y'all, Sister Joanna is going to have her 18th baby and is still smoking hot. Brother Chip, would you like to open our class with prayer?"   "Yes, sir. God bless Texas, Amen!"

A big deal on "Fixer Upper" is shiplap. At first, I thought Chip and Joanna were swearing. But they find shiplap all the time in the houses they fix up. I  have lived 58 years without ever hearing about it.

Shiplap is a type of wooden board. Evidently there is a law in Texas stating everybody has to have it in there house. 

There are other channels I can watch. There's the six hundred Showtime channels that show the same twelve movies.  There's the music channels that don't show music. There's the Lifetime channel but since I strongly identify as a HETROSEXAUL MALE, I don't watch, but even if I did, it wouldn't mean anything.


Or instead of watching TV,  I could read a book.

Nah.