Thursday, September 30, 2010

This Week's Picks

It was a rough weekend at Picks Central last week. Both Georgia and Georgia Tech lost as did my UPSET SPECIAL, Oregon State.

However, Georgia Southern defeated the mighty Elon Elonites in an epic struggle that saw many Georgia Southern fans (not students--right students?!) drink cases of beer in an attempt to push the Eagles to victory. The game was televised and we saw our pride and joy, Ben Manis, formerly number 38 of the Kennesaw Mountain Mustangs rooting for his beloved Eagles. It worked and now the Eagles are ranked 13th in the latest FCS standings.

This Week’s Picks.

Puppies vs The Rocky Mountains: There has been some positive news for the Dawgs. It has been literally hours since a member of the program has been arrested for a felony. More good news: A.J. Green will be back for his terrible crime of selling his laundry. Top that off with playing a Colorado team that isn’t anything to write home about, the Dawgs should win. They better. Dawgs win.

Bees vs Demonic Church Leaders: Here’s a news flash-like all other offenses that have ever been invented, the Triple Option works really good when you really good players running it. Unfortunately, most of them are in the NFL. The good news for Tech is that Wake Forest has slid back into one of their typical Wake Forest years. Tech wins.

Texsas vs Okies: The chances of Texas winning this game, this year, are slim to none with Slim having just left town. Whoo-wee! More of that Southwestern humor. OU isn't that great either, but they are better than the Longhorns. Okies win.

Crocs vs Bama: Did you get the feeling last week that Bama was toying around with Arkansas like a cat does with a mouse? I’m not sure Nick Saban did, but his team is a beast. These Florida Gators have just hatched and are the type you can keep in your aquarium. Bama wins.

Quacks vs Trees. I don’t care about the uniforms, although they make me ill. Feathers on the shoulders? My Lord! But while Stanford is the smarty pants school of the year, I don’t think they can keep up with the Oregon speed. Ducks win.

Edinboro vs Indiana University of Pennsylvania: I love IUP. I wish there was a college called “Georgia University of Alabama”. Little known fact about IUP: the creator of YouTube, Chad Hurley went there. Really. Indiana Pennsylvania is also the birthplace of Jimmy Stewart. Despite all of this, Edinboro finds a way to win.

Birmingham-Southern vs Trinity University: I watched this game last year over the internet and the kids broadcasting the game said that the students at Trinity “really know how to party”. Everybody thinks they are Georgia Southern. The Panthers defeated a very good team last week-they should beat Trinity.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Don't Know How To Love Nathan Or Roy

This is how bad it is for Democrats right now: in the race to be the next governor of my beloved state of Georgia (state motto: “Yumus Boilum Peanuti”), former governor Roy (Boy) Barnes, a Democrat, is losing by six percentage points to the Republican Nathan (Buddy, Can You Spare A Dime?) Deal. (Rasmussen,9/23/10)

Let that sink in for a second. Nathan Deal, the least of the Republicans that ran in the primary this summer, managed to slink his way into the nomination by pointing out that his primary opponent, Karen Handle, has these things on her midsection and that, horror upon horrors, did not go to college.

Ms Handle, who was chairman of the Fulton County Commission, which runs the largest and most diverse county in the state and was the Secretary of State somehow lost to Deal who looks like the interim pastor of the local Baptist church.

That is not all. Deal has some kind of/sort of/maybe serious/maybe not ethics issues that revolve around an auto salvage company that earned $1.5 million dollars from the state in a four year period of time. Additionally, Deal borrowed 2.3 million dollars to give to one of children for an “upscale” sporting goods store for hunters. It sold the finest of tree stands (complete with flat screen TVs) and the best in red fox urine. This loan is due in February of 2011. To quote my grandmother, it was as if Georgia Republicans walked through the forest and picked up a stick

Barnes should be leading by about ten points. But Barnes redux is not going so well for various reasons.

One, Barnes is a Democrat. That’s means Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Clinton, and a host of other nannies who are always shaking their finger at you trying to lecture you about something. It is just not a great brand right now. Barnes says he is going to bring jobs to Georgia. How are you going to do that, Roy? His answer: by not acting stupid. Barnes believes that you can create jobs by telling people you do not believe in succession.

Another reason Barnes is not doing so well is that we have seen this movie before. Roy Barnes running for governor again is kind of like making a sequel to a mediocre movie. Nobody in Georgia was thinking: if only Roy Barnes were in charge, we wouldn’t have this problem.

I take that back. One person was thinking that-Roy Barnes. This leads to his third problem, his personality.

Roy Barnes is just one of those people who thinks he is better than you. He doesn’t mean to be ugly about, he is just better than you. We can never love Roy as much as Roy loves Roy.

Barnes is running better commercials than Deal. Lots of graphics and funny sounds. Deal’s show him standing next to an old person, then a young person, then another old person, and then a picture of him smiling at you like he is about to describe the pledge you need to give to the church’s building fund.

I’m not saying Deal is going to win. I will say that the fact that he is this far ahead of Barnes shows how bad off the Democratic Party is in Georgia. And that’s the real deal.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

This Week's Picks

As you may remember from last week, we here at This Week’s Picks were very excited that our beloved alma mater, Kennesaw State University, had finally decided to have a football team. I have embarked on a mission to create the perfect fight song for the school, which I placed on Facebook (“We’re the Kennesaw State Owls/ You’ve heard so much about/ Mothers hide their daughters whenever we’re about/ We fight with knives, forty-fives and broken bottles too/ We're the Kennesaw State Owls/ Who are you?!” My niece liked it.)

This Week’s Picks!

Georgia Dawgs vs Other Bulldogs: Last week I picked both UGA and Mississippi State to win and both lost. This week, I know at least one of them will win. Mississippi State is still a young team and they are worn down by two big SEC games in a row. However, they are playing at home in Starkvegas. Georgia has got to win or Mark Richt will find a lot of “for sale” signs in his front yard. UGA just has too much. Georgia wins.

Bees vs Werewolves of Raleigh: I’ve finally figured Tech out. They can beat anything in the ACC. It is just everybody else that gives them problems. Good thing they are playing NC State. Tech wins.

Bamy vs Arky: If I had any guts, I would pick Arkansas. I don’t. Alabama will win this one.

Our Lady vs Stan Ford: Notre Dame has had some bad luck against some Michigan school. It continues against this California school. Stanford wins.

Fighting Game Birds vs War Tigers: Here are two schools that are both for real. The Old Ball Coach finally has a team in Columbia that he can yell at without it getting all pouty faced. Auburn is just a beast. My rule of them that if it is East vs West, go with West. Auburn wins.

Ky vs Fl: Here’s another game that I gave a passing thought to issuing my UPSET ALERT. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that the Gators just have a couple more horses than Kentucky. Florida wins.

O-State vs Boyzie State: This is my UPSET ALERT. I know everyone one is infatuated with the Broncos, but Oregon State is almost as good and can beat the Broncos. The Beavers win.

Georgia Southern vs Elon. Georgia Southern (school motto: “No one can do the boogaloo like I do”) starts its conference play against Elon. Elon is supposed to be a good team and this is a good test for the Eagles. The Eagles will win.

Edinboro vs Gannon: Look who’s 13th in the Division Two standings! It’s our very own Fighting Scots who take on the Golden Knights of Gannon University. Gannon lost to Millersville last week in a battle that had people where ever Millersville is talking for a couple of hours after the game. Edinboro wins.

Birmingham-Southern vs. Huntingdon: The Panthers will travel to Montogomery to play for either the Wesley Cup or the C.S. Lewis Saltshaker in a battle of the Methodist Schools. Huntingdon beat the Panthers last year. I think Birmingham-Southern will win this one.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

That 70's President

Former President Jimmy Carter has a new book out and you know what happens when a politician has a book published. The politician goes out and tries to sell the book. The politician appears on 60 Minutes and other news shows talking about the book. Then the book sits on the shelves at the bookstore until it is placed in the bargain bin. There is no reason to think The White House Diary will be exempt from the same fate.

Former Presidents write books for the same reason most people write books: to make money. That and to settle some scores. If the reports of The White House Diary are correct, this book has it in spades.

But first, a little history lesson for the younger readers.

There once was a President named Richard Nixon who had a Vice President comically named Spiro Agnew (really). Agnew had his hand caught in the cookie jar and had to resign the Vice Presidency. In his place, President Nixon selected Gerald R. Ford, the Minority leader of the House. Of course, (you older people know I’m leaving out a lot of history) President Nixon had to resign for his own cookie jar problems, making Gerald R. Ford the first President of the United States never to have been elected.

Then, out of my beloved state of Georgia, came former governor Jimmy Carter who promised he would never lie and he would carry his own luggage. This enabled him to defeat President Ford in the election of 1976, especially when Ford promised he would never allow Poland to become a Communist country, which was a big promise back then considering Poland was already a Communist country.

I’ve always had problems with President Carter. First of all, it was hard for me to accept a President named “Jimmy”. It was never “Johnny Adams”, “Tommy Jefferson”, or “Billy Clinton”.

Secondly, and this is going to get me into a lot of trouble, Carter was an engineer and didn’t mind letting you know that he was very, very, smart. I remember his ad for governor back in 1970. The voice over said, “Nuclear engineer. Peanut Farmer. Elect Jimmy Carter”. Even as a kid, that never made a lot of sense to me. He was smart enough to be a nuclear engineer and a peanut farmer at the same time! Wow! His opponent, Carl Sanders, was just a lawyer. His commecials never said "Lawyer. Grows tomatoes. Elect Carl Sanders."

Carter decided to run for President in 1972 after meeting Humphrey, McGovern, Muskie and Scoop Jackson because he thought he was just as smart, if not smarter than they were, and here we are today having to hear about Carter still being smarter than everybody.

According to Carter, he did not have a failed Presidency. He had a great Presidency. You were just too dumb to realize it because you didn’t want to wait in line for gas or to solar power your house. My gosh, the man passed more bills than anybody ever elected President before or since and that includes FDR and Lincoln and the only thing people remember are hostages, stagflation, gas lines, and that horrible disco music. On top of that, he was not above lecturing about not using the air conditioner so much

In fact, if you wait around long enough, Carter will be happy to prove to you, with complex Algebraic equations that he was probably the greatest President ever and greatest former President too.

By the way, he is worried about the tone of this country. You know, Fox News and all that. But it is okay when he criticizes sitting Presidents, at the time of war, because Jimmy Carter is incapable of making a mistake. Oh Lord it hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way.

I will give him the Israel-Egypt Peace Accords. He also had pretty good taste in music (Buffett, The Allman Brothers,etc). Carter and I went to the same Bob Dylan concert in Atlanta in 1988. Carter had better seats.

Jimmy Carter is like a lot of memories of the 70’s: best forgotten.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

This Week's Picks

It is a big day at This Week’s Picks because my beloved Alma Mater, Kennesaw State University ( Motto: “Where’s A Parking Space?”) will begin playing football in the FCS in 2014.

Of course, with this being Cobb County someone had to make sure that there was precipitation at the parade and feces in the corn flakes.

The local paper of record, The Marietta Daily Journal, published a column by Tom Harper of the law firm Blah, Blah & Blah titled “Does KSU Need Football?” in which he argues it does not because of the weak economy and the fact that both Hofstra and Northeastern Universities have dropped football. Add to that an article by Transylvania University accounting professor Count Dracula and it becomes apparent that not only does KSU not need football but you ought to be ashamed to even think about football.

In regards to Mr. Harper’s well reasoned arguments I can only say one thing:

Yo Momma.

This Week’s Picks.

Puppies vs Piggies: Last week UGA lost to the Chickens. It looked worse than it really was, but, Coach Mark Richt cannot allow the Dogs to lose again because the quality of his life will suddenly diminish. Arkansas is too busy thinking about Bama next week and I think their coach stinks like grease. Puppy power! UGA wins.

Wreck That Is Ramblin’ vs Heels of Tar: As bad as Georgia loss to South Caroloina was, Tech’s loss to Kansas was just as bad. Paul Johnson was not a happy man this week. UNC has way too many questions. Tech wins.

Rocky Topped vs Future Wallets: Tennessee has about four hundred freshman starting for them. Florida has looked unimpressive in their wins. I rarely say this: it would be so cool if Tennessee won. They just won’t. Sorry, this old game just ain’t what it used to be. Florida wins.

The Other Bulldogs vs Went In Dumb-Come Out Dumb Too: Messy State travels to Red Stick to play LSU. MSU really played much better against Auburn than I thought they would. I’m not sold on this LSU team. I know it is at home in the Bayeuax and all that, but I’m going with MSU this time. MSU wins.

Tigers vs Tigers: I was tempted to say that the Tigers win, but I can’t do that twice in one season. Auburn’s quarterback is a total beast, if he could only throw to players wearing the same color jersey as his, Auburn would be set. A lot of people like Clemson. I like Auburn. The Auburn Tigers win.

Georgia Southern vs Coastal Carolina: The Eagles almost tripped up a tired Navy team, which would have been almost Jacksonville State/Ole Miss awesome. There is something about this Eagle team that is different from some of the others in the past couple of years. They beat Coastal Carolina.

Edinboro vs Cheyney: The Fighting Scots beat West Chester and know they take their game to a school without a direction in it’s name. If you happen to be in Cheyney, PA Saturday, just drop on by and watch Edinboro win again.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Almost Persuaded

I don’t like to follow a “This Week’s Picks” with a blog about college football. It ought to be pretty clear by now that I’m no expert and most of the things I say about this (and most other subjects) are said with tongue in cheek. But last week something happened that made me almost mad.

The NCAA suspended UGA wide receiver A. J. Green for selling his Independence Bowl jersey. The Independence Bowl is played in Shreveport, Louisiana (city motto: “Keep driving, you’re almost in Texas”). It is considered a “minor” bowl game. It used to be called “The Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl”. Green sold his jersey for $1,000.00 to an agent. He was suspended for four games.

UGA has twelve scheduled games. This means Green was suspended for a third of this season for selling his laundry.

To give you how out of whack this punishment is, the NFL suspended Ben Roethlisberger originally for six games for a sexual assault on a co-ed. However, they have reconsidered and Roethlisberger is now suspended for four games. It is not clear if he has ever sold his jersey.

I’m not one of those jock sniffing nerds who think everything an athlete does is golden and they ought to be treated differently from the rest because they has play football or whatever. I have resisted the argument about paying athletes while they are enrolled in school.

Look, college education is expensive and getting your tuition/room and board paid for is nothing to sneeze at. A full ride at some schools is equivalent to a middle class salary.

I found the cries for “pizza money” insincere and disingenuous. My gosh, in the South, football players are treated (if first string) like royalty. They get things that the average student could only dream of (cars, money, help in school, etc). It has been that way for years. My cousin was student at a large university fifty years ago and saw the star quarterback (who came from humble beginnings) tooling down the avenue in a convertible.

But, the schools and the NCAA make millions off of these athletes. Let’s face it, the football team is a running, catching, blocking advertisement for the school. When UGA does well, enrollment and applications go up (on a related note, why is the application fee un-refundable?). When they have a poor year, the reverse happens.

The player gets no compensation for “their jersey” being sold at the college bookstores or for their likeness being plastered on the game day program.

Instead, the player is suspended for selling his own personal property. You don’t have to go to college to know that this does not make any sense. It is harsh, arbitrary and capricious.

What about the rules? There are laws (The Ten Commandments) and there are rules (the player playing college football should be an amateur) and then there are rules that are pulled out of the blue clear sky by some bureaucrat who wants to be consistent and/or gets off on their power.

I’m almost persuaded that college football players should receive some sort of payment or salary. I just don’t know how and how much.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

This Week's Picks

The first week of the college football season started with an incredible surprise. Jacksonville State, which is known as a bigger party school than Georgia Southern, if you can believe that, beat Ole Miss. Of course, those of you that are members of the This Week’s Picks Golden Platinum Plan, would have known that Jacksonville (Not In Florida) State was going to beat Old Mess because I predicted it there for only members of the This Week’s Picks Golden Platinum Plan. Would you like to join This Week’s Picks Golden Platinum Plan? For only $500.00 (in cash) you can receive all the wealth of my insight on all of the games in The FBS, the FCS, Division II, Division III, NAIA, JUCO, and BACKYARD TWO HAND TOUCH games. You will also receive a coffee mug.

This week’s picks!

War Tigers vs The Other Bulldogs
: Sometimes here at Picks Central we get a wild hair and pick Mississippi State. When that happens, we get a hammer and hit our head. Auburn is the better team. Auburn will win.

Our Lady vs Meechigan
: Michgan has hit hard times. Notre Dame is trying the latest in a series of coaches that will bring the program back to where it was when TV had only four channels. Michigan beat Connecticut last week. They should be Notre Dame. They won’t; Notre Dame wins.

Georgy vs The Fighting Game Birds: Every season, UGA starts its SEC schedule with South Carolina. UGA looked good last week, but South Carolina looked better against a better team. A.J. Green may/may not play. The old ball coach wants this game bad. Even so, I cannot predict a South Carolina win. Bulldogs win.

Rocky Tops vs The Quackers: When Derek Dooley’s Dad was the coach of the Bulldogs, every week, it seemed, at least from Coach Dooley’s standpoint, that it would be a miracle that the Bulldogs won. Derek will know the same feeling, except this time it is for real and not modesty. Oregon wins.

The Lions Of Nittany vs The Tide of Crimson: This is the first of the million competitive games Bama must play in order to play Boise State in January. (Boise is playing Nevada Polytechnic and Mining College-“The Fighting Calculators” this week.) Until they give me reason to think otherwise, I have to go with Bamy. Bamy wins.

Georgia Southern vs Navy: As reported last week, Mrs. Picks and I traveled to Statesboro (or as it is pronounced there, “Statesburr”) and watched the Eagles destroy Savannah State. We learned a couple of things. One, if your ticket reads “General Admission” this is means you sit on the grass, no matter how much you paid for your tickets and no matter what the chick at the official College Bookstore told you it meant. Secondly, after the game, a fan decided to light some wacky tobacco and smoke it while walking back to campus. Other than that, everything was great. This Saturday, The Eagles will get hurt by Navy. Navy wins.

Edinboro vs West Chester: Our favorite Fighting Scots avenged their loss to West Liberty in the playoffs by going to wherever West Liberty is and kicking some West Liberty butt. This week, they are looking at you, West Chester. Edinboro wins.

Birmingham Southern vs Faulkner University: Last week, Mrs. Picks thought I was being just a little too cute by saying “The Panthers will win” since both BSC and LaGrange are “The Panthers”. Okay: BSC wins.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

This Week's Picks

This is it. The time of the year in which our favorite professional sport, college football, starts.

Though college football “starts” this weekend, it really doesn’t begin until next weekend. This week, for the most part, the Big Time schools are playing the Little Time schools. For example, UGA is taking time off from going to the bail bondsman and is scheduled to play The University of Louisiana-Tabasco Sauce this weekend.

Southern Mess vs The Fighting Chickens: Southern Miss used to always sneak up and beat or play extremely close their SEC opponents. However, the days of scaring the big guys are over. This is a game the Chickens have to win. They will. South Carolina wins.

Went In Dumb-Come Out Dumb,Too vs The Star Heels: Every year there is a team that all the sports writers like and this year it is North Carolina. But they’ve had a couple of scandals and the quarterback from East Cobb. I like LSU, but this will be the biggest game they win all year. LSU wins.

Gobblers vs The Blue Turf Group: The other team everyone seems to like is Boise State. This is their one tough game all year, after that, they’ll probably be pushed by every other ESPN talking head for the Mythical National Championship. That’s if they win. Boise States does not face teams like Virginia Tech often, if at all. Virginia Tech wins.

Georgia Southern vs Savannah State: Me and Mrs. Picks will be attending this game with the former sixth string wingback of the Kennesaw Mountain Mustangs, BEN MANIS# 38. Georgia Southern (whose Alma Mater includes this line: “I ain’t here on business-only here for fun”) has a new coach (a guy that worked for Paul Johnson and is accustomed to gnats flying into his mouth). They should do well Saturday Night. Eagles win.

Edinboro vs West Liberty: The Fighting Scots go to wherever the heck West Liberty is for a rematch of the playoff game which saw Edinboro score 63 points. Unfortunately, West Liberty scored 84 points. Look for another hard fought defensive battle with West Liberty beating Edinboro.

Birmingham-Southern vs LaGrange: Led by another great 38-Cole Rudder, The Panthers play The Panthers at one of The Panther stadiums. I’m picking the Panthers to win.