Wednesday, September 28, 2011

This Week's Picks

Thomas Boswell of The Washington Post wrote a book titled Why Life Imitates The World Series. I think Life really just imitates baseball, if you think about it. There is a lot of standing around in life like there is in baseball. Often times you are just watching three people (the pitcher, catcher, and batter) in baseball and in life you are watching three people (Jerry, George, and Kramer). Sometimes the ball is hit to you and you have to know what to do or you will make a costly error. That happens to me with e-mails, accounts and bills. In baseball, you can’t think about the error in the previous inning, just like in life you can’t think that maybe you should have studied for that algebra test in 1973 and you can’t believe that that mistake is still following you around. Like baseball, there is no set time limit in life. The only thing you can count on in Life and baseball is that the Atlanta Braves will somehow find new and inventive ways to break your heart.

This Weeks Picks!

Puppies vs. Other Bulldogs: Both Georgia and Mississippi State have the same record. That's about where the comparisons end. UGA looked awful against an awful Ole Miss team. The Other Bulldogs win.

Buzzy vs. The Werewolves of Raleigh: All aboard the Georgia Tech band wagon! I didn’t get too excited by their first three games, but the game against the UNC made me a Monkee because I’m a believer (dated cultural reference, sorry). Since this is an ethical blog, I must inform you that I have a nephew that is employed by North Carolina State. I think he would agree that if you let Russell Wilson walk, you should lose as many games as possible. Bees win big.

Urange Tigers vs. Turkeys: Clemson is having a great year so far. The Other Tech is having their typical year, which Mark Richt would kick a puppy for. I’m going with Clemson this time because I’ve been wrong about them the past two weeks. Clemson wins.

Elephants vs. Lizards: Florida is good for a team in the SEC East. The only team better than Alabama is LSU. No way Florida wins. Bamy wins this one.

Wartigers vs. Chickens: Auburn is better than they look, but South Carolina has Marcus Lattimore who is probably one of the most under-rated players nationally. He’ll be a rich young man in about a year and a half. Until then, he’ll just have to beat up on Auburn. South Carolina wins.

Ags vs. Pigs: What’s the rule? I never pick a Bobby Petrino team to win. Is that logical? No, but it works for me. Aggies win.

Husker of Corn vs. Wis CON Sen: Because of my tunnel vision on the SEC, I haven’t paid too much attention to these two teams except to notice that they beat the literal feces out of the opposing teams. I know Nebraska is one of those iconic college programs, but The Badgers have Russell Wilson who the dumb-dumbs at North Carolina State let go without even getting a player to be named later. Wisconsin wins.

Georgia Southern vs. Elon: This has gone unnoticed, but GEORGIA SOUTHERN IS NUMBER ONE BABY! WHOOOOOO! Yep in the FCS polls, The Eagles are the Rick Perry of that college subdivision. Elon is 3-1. I think the Eagles will stay number one for another week. Eagles win.

Birmingham Southern vs. Austin College: For the first time in the history of their program, the Birmingham Southern Panthers are 4-0 and received votes to be ranked in the National D3 rankings. Austin College is 0-4. They can still hear the music in the restroom. Panthers win.


Louisiana College vs. Mary Hardin-Baylor: Kennesaw State is not my only alma mater. I went for two years to Louisiana College where I met a lot of nice people who I still count as friends, ate boudin, and sucked some crayfish (hey, it was during an experimental phase). LC had a football team in its earlier years, but dismantled the football program in true Baptist fashion to build a parking lot. It restarted a few years ago, but has been plagued by various theological controversies (“Does God really want a two point conversion?”) However, I’m happy to announce that the 4-0 Wildcats are ranked 19th in the latest National D3 poll. However, Mary Hardin-Baylor is ranked 4th. Does anyone else besides me think this is a terrible name for a college? It is like they couldn’t make up its mind. Are you Mary Hardin or are you Baylor? It doesn’t matter; Mary Hardin-Baylor wins this game.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

This Week's Picks

It is always neat to see someone you know on television, even if it is “Mr. Cowbell”.

Last week, while watching the LSU-Mississippi State game I saw this young man whom I’ll refer to as “John” (just to pick a name at random) dressed as a human cowbell named “Mr. Cowbell”. [Mississippi State has this deal about ringing cowbells during their football games, classes, graduations, funerals,etc. Their alumni are nice people, if not a bit deaf]. I’ve known “John” for many years, back to when he was a little boy who would dress up as a lil’ cowbell.

“Mr. Cowbell” caught the attention of Clay Travis of the blog Outkick The Coverage. He noted that “Mr. Cowbell” would probably have trouble finding a young lady to ring his bell, if you catch my drift. Travis added, “He's going to be lucky if he doesn't get pushed over and lay on his back like a turtle unable to get back up.” I’m happy to report “Mr. Cowbell” was not pushed over on his back after the game and he was able to return home where he discovered he was famous all over the blogosphere.

This Week’s Picks!

Puppies vs. Old Mess. UGA finally won a game last week. Ole Miss is just in a bad way. Supposedly Rebel coach Houston Nut has to win this game since the Rebels lost to Vandy last week (he has the Suicide Hotline App on his iPhone). Georgia just has better players than Ole Miss, but the Dawg Nation is a little worried. They shouldn’t be-they’ll lose next week to Mississippi State. Dawgs win.

Buzzed vs. Heels of Tar. Georgia Tech put a world of hurt on Kansas, but those days are over. North Carolina is supposed to be better than Kansas. They are supposed to be better than Tech. We’ll see. Tech is impressing people by piling up big yardage on Western Carolina, Middle Tennessee State and Kansas. They won’t do that against UNC, but they’ll pull it out due to Coach Sunshine’s personality alone. Tech wins.

Pickens vs. Perry. Oklahoma State, which is in either The Big 12, The Pac 12, The NFL, or The WNBA faces Texas A & M which at the moment is in The Big 12 but next year will be in either The SEC or NASA. Someone will bring a football to the game and it might affect the standings one way or another. It might not. Either way Oklahoma State wins.

Clemmy vs. Half a Noles. Clemson: Those about to rock salute you for defeating Auburn last week. However, FSU is just too strong this year. FSU wins

Piggies vs. Bamy. Another year, another time for me never to pick a Bobby Petrino coached team to win. Bama wins.

Western Carolina vs. Georgia Southern. Georgia Southern, the only university in the country who’s Alma Mater contains the phrase “Pop a top, again” faces the same Western Carolina team that Tech wore out a few weeks ago. Since the Georgia Southern coach was an assistant to Mr. Joyful at Tech, the outcome should be the same. Eagles win.

Birmingham-Southern vs. Sewanne. Sewanne is The University of The South. Why they are called “Sewanne” is unclear. However, their website reports “It is not unusual for students and faculty members to work shoulder to shoulder on research projects and journal articles, to meet for coffee at a local eatery, or to serve together as members of the university orchestra, volunteer fire department, and other civic groups.” This is almost what is reported on the Georgia Southern website, except Georgia Southern’s says, “It is not unusual for students and faculty to see each other at the liquor store”. Sewanne is 2-1 this year, their best start since the founding of the Episcopal Church. Birmingham Southern is 3-0. Make it 4-0. Panthers win.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Dumb Template

One of these days, I’m going to write a book that Imus would recommend and call it Templates. The thesis of the book is that both parties use shorthand or templates to create an image of their opponent designed to deride or demonize.

Democrats in Presidential politics basically use a couple of templates. One is that the Republican candidate is a stupid, dumb, lamebrain, goob that you wouldn’t give the keys to your car to much less the ship of state. Democrats used this against George W. Bush (graduate of Yale and Harvard), Ronald Reagan (he had the nerve not to go to an Ivy League school), Gerald Ford (graduate of Yale Law School) and Dwight Eisenhower who was the President of an Ivy League college (Columbia) and led the liberation of Europe in World War II.

The point is that Republicans need to be aware that this is the first arrow in the Democrats quiver. Somebody needs to tell Michele Bachman who apparently believes Gardasil, a vaccine used to prevent the HPV virus causes Mental Retardation. You can argue that it is not the governments place to “mandate” such vaccinations. I’m not to sure in a country where everybody has to have their kids vaccinated to attend school that you are going to win an election on such an issue.

Bachman’s rant against mandated vaccinations enabled the Left (which for all of its posturing about ‘powerful women’ all seem to despise powerful women that are against abortion) to point out that she is crazy as a loon. Maureen Dowd says “(Bachman) seems rather proud of not knowing anything, simply repeating nutty, inflammatory medical claims that somebody in the crowd tells her”.

Dowd’s whole column fits the pattern of ‘Here Comes the Dummies’. She takes great pains to review Rick Perry’s college transcript. Perry made a D and an F in one semester. He made five other D's in: Principles of Economics, Shakespeare, "Feeds & Feeding", Veterinary Anatomy and a course called “Meats”. Perry jokes that “Four semesters of organic chemistry made a pilot out of me”. Dowd adds, “(Perry) went on to join the Air Force” implying that he did not graduate. However, Perry did graduate from Texas A & M which should be noted.

A Dowd column would not be complete without a jab at George W. Bush. She says that Perry’s college grades make one”long for W.’s Gentleman’s C’s”. She neglects to mention the King of Gentleman C’s: Franklin D Roosevelt or the Prince of Gentleman C’s: John F. Kennedy. Oh yes, but you see, they are Democrats.

Reviewing someone’s college transcripts thirty to forty years after they have graduated is pointless to the nth degree. There are a lot of variables involved. We don’t know if there was a bell curve in Perry’s classes. We don’t know if the professors liked/didn’t like him (grow up-it can make a difference). We didn’t sit in “Meats” so we don’t know what the class or the tests were like. Granted, you would think someone from the cattle country in Texas would do well in a class like that. The basic point is we were not there

I don’t know if Perry, who is from a humble background, had to work two jobs while he was at Texas A & M. I don’t know if he went to class. I don’t know if he partied all of the time or what. No, the mainstream media is more interested in just the grades of an immature young man over thirty-five years ago. Why? Because it fits into their stereotype of Southern Republicans being morons.*

I’m not that impressed with Perry’s campaign so far. He doesn’t quite seem ready for prime time. However, if having to choose between somebody who made a D in “Meats” and somebody who has made an F- in “The Economic Revival of America”, I would choose the one that barely passed.

*Apparently Down is unimpressed by Republicans who made good grades. She says “Even Newt Gingrich’s pseudo-intellectualism is a relief at this point”. Gingrich has a PhD from Tulane. I would say that Gingrich is an intellectual, but he’s got that “R” behind his name.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

This Week's Picks

You have to admit that I put in a great deal of research here at Picks Central. Where else could you learn of the motto on the Great Seal Of Georgia Southern University (“Sapor Valde! Minor Fartim!”)?

If you think Notre Dame, Mississippi State, or UGA had a bad weekend, how would you have liked to have been Husson University? Husson University’s website brags that its “graduates hold leadership positions all over the country and the world”. However, it doesn’t give the name of any of the graduates in leadership positions. The possible reason for this is that Husson lost their first game of the season to Adrain College 77-7 and these graduates probably asked Husson not to list their names. The Husson Hawks are looking to rebound against Springfield (Let me sit back and admire my pun. Springfield was the college where James Naismith invented basketball)

This Week’s Picks!

Beach Chickens vs. Downer Dawgs: Another set of South Carolina Chickens, Coastal Carolina is just what the vet ordered for the Bulldogs. If Georgia loses this game, Russ the Interim Bulldog will march over to Mark Richt and bite him. It won’t happen. Bulldogs win.

Better at Basketball vs. Buzzy: Last year, the Kansas game started a whole year of stank for the lovely Paul Johnson and the Yellow Jackets. It is hard to tell with this game. Kansas has basically played the same type of the schedule that Tech has so far (FCS and Non-BCS). I tend to think Johnson will have the Bees ready for this game. The Bees misery will start later, oh yes, it will start later. Bees win this one.

Go In Dumb-Come Out Dumb, Too vs. The Other Bulldogs: Mississippi State was sooooooooooooooooooooo close last week against Auburn. The problem with a game like that is that if MSU loses this game, like I think they will, they will be the best 1-2 team in the country. It will be close, but LSU wins.

Lucky War Tigers vs. Esso: I don’t know what it is with Auburn. Last year they were able to find enough money between the cushions of their couch to get Cam Newton. This year, they have won two games that by all rights they should have lost. Maybe the Lord is looking after them because of the trees in Toomer’s Corner. You got a better idea? I know Clemson doesn’t. Auburn wins.

Rocky Topped vs. Lizards: Kid Dooley doesn’t seem as snake bit this year as he did last, but we’ve only played two games. Tennessee is going to try but Florida is still Florida. Gators win.

Okies vs. Half a Noles: Florida State is another school that is making a comeback. The problem is Oklahoma has never left. This is a statement game for Oklahoma and the state should say “We are a Beast”. (If the statement says “We are a surrey with a fringe on top”, Oklahoma will be sweeping down the plain.) Sooners win.

Birmingham-Southern vs. Ava Maria University: Here comes more research. Ava Maria University is a college started by Tom Monaghan, the founder of Domino’s Pizza. In 1998, he sold his share of Domino’s to Bain Capital (which was being run at the time by this guy named Mittford “Mitt” Romney). He took that money and founded this college dedicated to the principle of getting your degree in four years or it is free. The team’s name is the “Gyrenes” which is what some people (not me because they can beat me up) call Marines. Oh yeah, it is their first year of football. Birmingham-Southern wins.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

This Week's Picks

I rarely write about my stats here at Picks Central, but I would like to mention I only missed two games last week. One was the Baylor-TCU game. Okay, this game was a big deal to Baylor and the Aroused Lizards have lost a lot of their stars. Generally, however, in the past when these two met, TCU won. Congratulations to the B-Bears for being the first team to mess up my blog.

The second game was, of course, Georgia vs. Boise State. It seems any time Georgia spends any thought on uniforms, they go out and lose the game big time. A few years ago, UGA was playing Bama and UGA came storming out with their black jerseys. They looked cool until they got totally stomped. Then they played Florida wearing black helmets and got beat 4000 to nothing. This game was kind of like that. The uniforms were awful, simply awful. Not quite as bad as Maryland’s uniforms, which look like Walt Disney threw up on them. Georgia uniforms looked like what somebody thinks “the future” looks like. In true Georgia fashion, we blamed the uniforms and Mark Richt. Don’t feel bad, Coach Richt, we blamed the Confederate uniforms when Sherman burned Atlanta.

This Week’s Picks!

Illegal Game Birds vs. Depressed Dawgs: This is not a must win for UGA. It is a must win for Mark Richt. Georgia can beat this team, but they can’t beat South Carolina if they play anywhere close to how they played against Boise State. If you know a real estate agent in Athens, Georgia, they might be picking up a listing real soon. South Carolina wins.

Buzzy vs. Muddle Tennessee: While UGA was crying over their loss to Boise State, the Bees were crowing over their win against a FCS team that is always in the lower division. Oh yeah, they passed a lot. Mr. Personality will make sure that never happens again. Middle Tennessee almost beat Purdue last week. It would be tempting to pick MTSU today. I just don’t see them winning this game. Bees win.

Messy State vs. Almostburned: MSU almost beat Auburn last year with the expensive quarterback that the Wartigers could afford and the Other Bulldogs could not. Well, he’s not in the Plains anymore. The Other Bulldogs win.

Bamy vs. Lions of Nittany: Why in Joe Pa’s day, a game like this would be “The Game Of The Week” if not for the month or year. Back then, we called sandwiches “flat breadies”. We walked to school, too. It was uphill, both ways. We liked it! We loved it! Not like now with your fancy-pants cells phones. Back then, if you wanted to make a phone call, you had to find a dime and a pay phone that worked. If it worked, it was great! We liked it! We loved it! Sorry, got carried away. Bama wins.

Our Lady vs. Meechigan: Another formerly real important game. Now we watch it just to see Brian Kelly turn purple and Notre Dame’s stock to fall even further. Michigan wins.

Tusculum vs. Georgia Southern: In the first home game of the season, Georgia Southern (school motto: “Hey Mabel! Black Label!”) plays Tusculum. Tusculum is a small college located somewhere on the planet Earth. GSU wins.

Birmingham-Southern vs. Huntingdon: Huntingdon’s motto (“Enter to Grow in Wisdom; Go Forth to Apply Wisdom in Service. Yeah, right”) will be put to the test when they meet the Mighty Panthers featuring our buddy Cole Rudder who intercepted a pass last week for a touchdown against LaGrange College. (Cole, you owe me five bucks for mentioning you in my award winning blog). Birmingham-Southern wins. (That’s another five dollars, Cole.)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Republican Questions

There’s going to be another debate of Republican hopefuls this week. Here are some questions I would ask.

To Mitt Romney: “What kind of name is ‘Mitt’ for a grown man? Is it the short version of a name like ‘Mittford’ or ‘Mittmon’? Through extensive research (Wikipedia), we have learned that ‘Mitt’ is your middle name and your first name is ‘Willard’. Why did your parents not like you? Are you aware that there was a movie that came out in the 70’s called ‘Willard’ and it was about a guy that had a bunch of rats. You don’t have a bunch of rats, do you?”

To Rick Perry: “Honestly, an Aggie President? Really?”

To Michele Bachman: “You recently said that under President Bachman gas will be under $2.00 a gallon yet you ignore the price of a Coke and popcorn at the movies. This correspondent has spent almost ten bucks on a Diet Coke (served in a ten gallon drum) and a bag of popcorn. What will a Bachman administration do about this and will you promise today that there will no longer be anymore ‘X-Men’ movies?”

To Jon Huntsman: “How come you are a Republican?”

To Rick Santorum: “Who are you and why are you here?”

To Sarah Palin (If she happens to drop by): “In your reality show, you are shown beating a Walleye over the head with a club. Have you ever done that to your daughter Bristol? If not, don’t you wish you had?”

To Mitt Romney: “Do you know Dale Murphy and can you get me his autograph?”

To Rick Perry: “What do you think of Texas A & M going to the SEC? Did you see the University of Maryland uniforms the other night? Are you willing to sign an executive order that would place whoever designed that uniform and who approved it to be placed in chains?”

To Michele Bachman: “Has anyone ever told you that your voice sounds like Rocky The Flying Squirrel?”

To Rick Santorum: “Are you sure you are not Tim Pawlenty?”

To Sarah Palin (Again, if she just happens to be there): “Are the reports true that you mistakenly called John McCain ‘Pee-Paw’ on numerous occasion in 2008?”

To Mitt Romney: “In recent years, we in the media have asked candidates uncomfortable questions about youthful indiscretions. Gov. Romney, have you ever drank a Coke or have sipped a Pepsi?”

To Rick Perry: “Is Bob Wills still the King? Have you ever been to Luckenbach, Texas with Waylon, Willie, and the boys? Who are ‘the boys’ anyway? Do you know how to get back to the basics of love?"

To Ron Paul: “Back when you first started practicing medicine, did you take chickens as a form of payment?"