Friday, October 21, 2016

I Gotta Go Vote And I Sure Do Dread It

Did anyone really think this Presidential election was going to be anything other than a depressing fecal fight to the finish?

Did anyone really think this Presidential election was going to be anything other than a dismal march to an inevitable end-the presidency of Hillary Clinton?

I remember when I had high hopes for 2016.

After all, Clinton has been around a long time and most people accept the fact that she is a lying skunk.

Republicans had a "deep bench". They had several governors of "Blue States". They had a couple of sharp young senators that would have compared favorably to the much older Clinton. They had an African-American brain surgeon. They even had a former CEO of a  technology firm that I still think is kind of cute, but that's just me.  They had a Bush.

I could have voted for any one of these people. I think they could have won, too. Even Bush.

All of that went down the drain on that June day when Donald J. Trump rode down the escalator and announced his candidacy.

In the previous Presidential election, the voters told the Republican Party it was too rich, too old and too white. So what does The GOP do?  They nominate a rich old man. But give them credit, he isn't white. He's more orange.

I have never been a fan of Trump. I've always found him to be a little over the top.  I guess that is an understatement.

Trump has been childish, churlish, and boorish. He has shown remarkable ignorance about some really important things, like the Nuclear Triad. He's promised a wall at the US-Mexican border and promised he would get Mexico to pay for it. However, as Tony Powell of Imus In The Morning said, nobody has seen a blueprint of the wall.

His stream of consciousness speeches connected with a lot people.

The Downhome Don from Queens made a lot  of sense to people who are constantly being told to shut up and they don't matter because of something their great grandfather said or did.  They are not cool. They don't believe the right things. They didn't go to the right schools, if they went at all. Like Randy Newman's Rednecks, they "drink too much and they laugh too loud".

These people are always told how bad they are. They are racist. They are homophobes. They are Islamic phobic. They are deplorable.

He's also connected with a bunch of vicious eight balls whose main purpose seems to be how vulgar and mean they can be.

Instead of leading these people, Trump has just played to the choir. He became a political version of Steve Martin. He toured around, drawing big crowds, but instead of saying "Excuse Me", he said "Rigged Elections".

He basically had one argument: "Me". He made President Obama seem like a shrinking violet.

Trump has split the Republican Party.  Most Republicans are going to hold their nose and vote for him mainly because of The Supreme Court.

However, several of us can't vote for Trump. He may be a billionaire, but he is simply unfit to be President of The United States. It is a simple case of  the wrong man for the wrong job.

What are we going to do? Some of us will end up voting for Clinton. Some will vote for Gary Johnson, who could have been a contender if he would lay off the wacky tobacky. Some will write in various names.

All I know is this has been a terrible election cycle and I will be happy when it is over.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

This Week's Picks

Even though I have been writing about College Football this fall, don't think I've been ignoring The Presidential Election campaign between  Man-Pig and She-Bat from Hell, otherwise known as Trump versus Clinton.

Unless you have been hiding in a cave (lucky you!), you've probably heard the audio tape of Donald Trump bragging to Billy Bush how he (Trump) tried to score with a married woman and how she shot him down despite proven make-out techniques like furniture shopping and genital grabbing. Trump gets to do that because "he's a star".

Trump: "Here we are at Rooms To Go."
Woman: "Thanks. HEY! (Punches Trump in the face.)
Trump:  "You're such a loser. You could've had a sectional sofa if you played your cards right."

Trump confessed that he always carries around Tic-Tacs, just in case beautiful women just happen to appear, because the babes put his lips into kissing mode. Nothing kills a brand more than moving in for some smoochie-woochies and having coffee breath.

Donald Trump's Favorite

The tape surprised people because it caught Trump using graphic language that he generally reserves for describing fellow Republicans.  Some in the party have called for Trump to step aside. The chance of this ever happening is slim to none and Slim just left town.

I will say, in all seriousness, it is very disappointing to have two candidates like Trump and Clinton. It is the worst of all possible worlds. Which is why College Football is such a great escape from these two clowns.

This Week's Picks!

Non-Mississippi State Bulldogs vs The Commode Doors:  Due to Hurricane Matthew, UGA had to play South Carolina on Sunday, which, as most sports commentators point out, makes for a short week. Then the commentators realized UGA was playing Vanderbilt, so it's not really that big of a deal.. Vandy is having their typical Vandy year (getting a celebration penalty called after they make a first down). UGA needs to win this game by 4000 to 0 but will probably win by a safety. In any event, UGA wins!

Buzzed vs Bennie's Eagles: Right on schedule, Georgia Tech has lost three straight games. Fortunately for them,  Georgia Southern is showing up just in time. They are not playing as well in the "Let's Get Drunk" (Sun Belt) Conference. They lost last week to Arkansas State, which brought great shame and dishonor to Statesboro which is saying something. (The Great Southeast Georgia country band, "Shame and Dishonor" is playing at Gnat's Landing this Saturday night. Two drink minimum.) I would love to see Southern win so I could throw it back in the face of my Tech friends who think they are better than me just because they can add and subtract. And multiply. And divide.  Tech wins!

Rolling Tide vs Rocky Topped:  This is the second game of the Tennessee nightmare. Last week, the Vols finally lost a close game to Texas A&M. I can assure you this will not happen this week. Oh, Tennessee will lose,  but it will not be close. Bama wins!

Ahia State vs Weskahnsin: I have been to Ohio twice in my life. The first time was to Dayton, Ohio. It was the week before Father's Day and there was a sale on sweaters at the Dayton Mall. Honest. The second time I went to Youngstown (town motto: "Yes, We Are America's Armpit"). My basic conclusion about Ohio is that it is Mississippi with better PR and more snow. I've never been to Wisconsin, although I really need to put Wisconsin Dells on my bucket list. I think I dislike The Ohio State University in Ohio almost as much as Notre Dame. However, we here at This Week's Picks take pride in being open minded and objective which means we'll never get a job in journalism.  Ohio State wins!

My Hooters vs Falwell's Flames:  I'm not bragging, but Kennesaw State is 4-1. Last year, we went up to Liberty and got Sunday Schooled, but this year, I'm thinking we'll be okay. Owls win!

Thursday, October 6, 2016

This Week's Picks

It is important to remember this one very important fact: no matter how many problems we have in America, at least we're not drawing Mr. Spock on our dollar bills.

Mr. Spock was a character in the TV show "Star Trek", which is a show I enjoyed when I was seven and for some reason did not obsess over it for the rest of my life. How I escaped this form of geekdom is beyond me.

I'm not quite sure what Mr. Spock's job was  (please do not tell me) except to look at Captain Kirk and raise an eyebrow (which is Vulcan body language for: "You are really overacting now, Shatner" )

However, he was quite popular on a very popular show and when the actor who played Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) died, people in Canada started to draw Mr. Spock on their five dollar bills.  I'm sure this is: A) Donald Trump's fault; B) Barack Obama's fault; or C) Hillary Clinton's fault. To be on the safe side, I would blame all three of them.

The Bank of Canada (slogan: "Hey Hoser, We're Your Bank, Eh?") has officially politely requested all Canadians to stop drawing Mr. Spock on their five dollar bills.

The request reads: "However, there are important reasons why it should not be done. Writing on a bank note may interfere with the security features and reduces its lifespan. Markings on a note may also prevent it from being accepted in a transaction. Furthermore, the Bank of Canada feels that writing and markings on bank notes are inappropriate as they are a symbol of our country and a source of national pride".

I think we can all agree that Leonard Nimoy is an inappropriate symbol of Canada. Even if he does have a goatee.

Live Long and Prosper You Hoser

This Week's Picks!

Bummed Puppies vs Chickens:  If the last minute of the UGA-Tennessee game and the French Onion Hamburger Steak from The West Cobb Diner (Motto: "Hey Alan, Have Some More") doesn't put me in the Cardiac Care wing of the hospital, nothing will.  After two losses, UGA is looking to get back on track against South Carolina because The Illegal Fighting Birds  are having their typical season (Meh). At press time, it is not known if the game will be played in Columbia or on Saturday due to Hurricane Matthew McConaughey.  Alright, alright , alright, whenever they play, the Bulldogs should win. UGA wins.

Where Everybody Knows My Name

Wrecked vs The Pitts:  If there's one thing you can count on, you can count on that if Coach Grumpy Cat's Triple Freakin' Option offense doesn't  score early, Tech will probably lose. Last week's game against Miami was the typical Tech wreck. The Hurricane defense scored twice because of Tech miscues. If you know Mark Spain, just let him know that he should expect a call from somebody with the initials of PJ sometime in late November.  Pitt wins.

The Head Coach of The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Bamy vs Pigs:  This week, The Tide plays the Razorbacks of Arkansas, the home of the most annoying cheer in The Southeastern Conference. ("Sooey, Sooey, Pig, Pig" repeated four billion times.)  However, it is also the  home of the hottest wife of a head coach in the history of college football, Jen Bielema. Despite all of this beauty, Bama should prevail over the Pigs.  Bama wins.

Jen Bielema

Rocky Top vs. Ags:  For some reason, this year, I seem to know a lot of Tennessee fans. Lucky me. Speaking of luck, Tennessee is playing Texas A&M this week and Bama next week, so they'll need all the luck they can get.  If they win the next two games, they'll probably change the name of Knoxville to ButchJonesville.  I don't think that will happen. Texas A&M wins.

Beloved Hooters vs Missouri S&T: I thought I'd mention that Kennesaw State was the only Division One Georgia school that won last week. This week, my beloved 3-1 Owls take on Missouri S&T. The "S&T" stands for Science and Technology.  Where else can you get information like that? Owls win.