Dog Whistles

Dog Whistle: type of political speech using code words that appear to mean one thing to the general population but have a different meaning for a targeted part of the audience. (Taegan-Goddard’s Political Dictionary) Only one news network, MSNBC, had to the guts to expose the Dog Whistles at last week’s Republican National Convention. However, they can only do so much and a couple of speeches slipped by without the analysis that only MSNBC can give. So, as a public service, Humor Me, has submitted a speech given at the Republican National Convention to MSNBC for their insights. MSNBC’s comments are in bold type.

Let me tell you about the America I know. [Oh sure, a lilly white ‘Leave It To Beaver’ ‘Merica] My parents immigrated to the U.S. with ten dollars in their pocket[You would think if you are going to new place to live you would take more than ten bucks, just saying], believing that the America they had heard about really did exist. [Don’t worry; it doesn’t. It is filled with racist homophobic plutocratic theocrats. Plus, in many parts of the country you can’t find a good pizza after 2:00 am] When times got tough they didn't look to Washington, they looked within. [That’s because they are not very smart and do not believe in Science.]

So the America I came to know was centered in personal responsibility and filled with the American dream. [This is mean. Because we at MSNBC Dog Whistle Central said so]]

The America I know is grounded in the determination found in patriots and pioneers, in small business owners with big ideas, in the farmers who work in the beauty of our landscape, in our heroic military and Olympians. It's in every child who looks at the seemingly impossible and says, "I can do that." That is the America I know! [There is also a ‘Merica of bigots, homophobes, rapists, felons, Mormons with deadly cancer rays and brainiac Cheeseheads with washboard abs]

President Obama's version of America is a divided one — pitting us against each other based on our income level, gender, and social status. His policies have failed! We are not better off than we were 4 years ago, and no rhetoric, bumper sticker, or campaign ad can change that. [Our fact checkers have entered this paragraph into the MSNBC Fact Checker 3000 computer and have found that this paragraph to be LIES, ALL LIES! Turn your eyes from these words this instant!]

Mr. President I am here to tell you we are not buying what you are selling in 2012. [As we said before, this is a racist bigoted individual that would rather see the planet burn up than have the wealthiest among us pay their fair share. This person wants to see female law school students pay for their own contraceptives. How can the smartest among us release a little steam by getting busy if they have to worry about getting pregnant? That’s just mean]

The American Dream is our story. It is a story of human struggle, standing up and striving for more. It's been told for over 200 years with small steps and giant leaps; from a woman on a bus to a man with a dream; and the bravery of the greatest generation, to the entrepreneurs of today. [No, the American Dream was always a fantasy because all of the Richie Rich frat boys who made their money by ripping off the poor and spent it on swimming pools and movie stars.]

This is our story. This is the America we know because we built it. [There you go again lying about what the President said and taking it totally out of context. Look, you can get to work if there isn’t a road. Duh!]

With Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan we can restore the America we know and love. [Yeah, with Homophobic Uptight Southern White People in charge. Plus, Romney wants to give money to the richest people so they can set fire to it in their backyards. Paul Ryan lies about his marathon time. How can you trust anything that comes out of his mouth after that? It is not like he lied in his own autobiography-that is different. That is artistic license.]

The world will know it, our children will tell it and our grandchildren will possess it for years to come! God bless America! [Oh well, another reactionary speech by a white Republican.]

This is the speech given by Mia Love, a female non-white Republican candidate for Congress. [She must have mental issues.]