It was the commercial for 24: Live Another Day the new 24 "light" series that will take place in 12 hours instead of 24. If they called it 12: Jack's Gotten Very Efficent, it probably wouldn't have generated that much buzz.
The Commercial showed the aftermath of a bombing in what looks like London. Here comes Jack Bauer, dragging a dark haired woman. HE'S DRAGGING CHLOE WHO HAS BEEN TO WALGREENS AND GOT A BOX OF CLAIROL NICE 'N EASY AND DYED HER HAIR. The commercial ended with Jack shooting at an unknown target (probably somebody's thighs) and since it is Jack, he punctuates it with a couple of yells.
This year's edition of The Jack Bauer Hour of Power opens with a couple of Jack Wannabes, including the latest Jack Wannabe, New Jack, who is trying his best to be like Jack but he is just not psychotic enough. They find Jack, but he is wearing THE HOODIE OF DOOM, which makes him invincible. However, Jack lets them capture him and take him to CIA Headquarters, which is Hot Special Agent Central. The hottest of the Hot Special Agents is Kate whose husband somehow got in with the Chinese and she didn't know about it because, geez, who wants to talk about work when they get home. However, she figures out that Jack wanted to get captured, which totally tees off New Jack.
Before we learn why Jack wanted to get captured, we learn that Actor William Devane, who has played John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Teddy Kennedy and Ethel Kennedy has taken time away from selling gold on Fox News to play The President of The United States, James Heller. (However, for the purpose of this recap he will always be referred to as President Goldline.)
Now, you long time 24 watchers know that President Goldline has a daughter, Audrey Raines, who was Jack's favorite flat chested girl friend. The last time Jack saw Audrey, she was catatonic mainly from hanging around Jack. Audra's new husband is President Goldline's Chief of Staff, Mark. Mark catches the President in some technical errors, like saying America has "58 states" and "that if you like your healthcare plan and doctor you can keep it". He tells Audrey about it and Audrey goes into immediate worry mode because that's about all she can do. However, he doesn't tell her about the capture of Jack Bauer because he knows she would immediately leave him to run into Jack's arms, even if Jack's arms are handcuffed behind him.
The show then kicks it into high gear with a drone killing four military officers, including two British officers, which could ruin President Goldline's meeting with Prime Minister Bigchin. Military justice moves very swiftly and soon a Patsy is found. On top of that, they examined his keystrokes, which proves his guilt. But of course, it doesn't because the keystrokes were controlled by some Georgia Tech grad that has a Hot Russian girl friend who always sounds like she is going to complain about "Moose and Squirrel".
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| This explains my previous joke. |
Finally we get to see why Jack decided to get caught. Chole is on the "Special Activities" table (yeah, come on) and is receiving some chemical water boarding. New Jack tells Jack that he used to study him at Bauer University. He didn't study enough because Jack head butted and kicked everybody into tomorrow. Jack finally gets into see Chloe and sticks a hypodermic needle in her chest which wakes her up from a drug induced coma, although sometimes it is hard to tell when Chloe is awake and when she is asleep.
Jack tells Chloe that somebody wanted to murder President Goldline on foreign soil because that would start a World War. How and why this would start a World War he doesn't explain, but Jack is on a roll. Chloe has apparently left her husband and child to become a rouge computer hacker for reasons that are unclear except at Computer Hacker headquarters she would be considered a cougar.
Chloe worked with the Georgia Tech grad and takes Jack to where Georgia Tech grad should be (using his nerdness for evil). Jack kills about 100 people with two bullets. The Georgia Tech grad somehow escapes with the Hot Russian. Jack gets shot in the arm by the CIA but it doesn't hurt because he is Jack. Jack then uses the old "look over there" trick and escapes from the CIA.
The Georgia Tech grad and the Hot Russian end up at a bar because the Georgia Tech grad wants to prove to the world that Tech men can get hot women. He excuses himself to the bathroom but the Hot Russian follows him in promising to do something that never happened on Bullwinkle. Instead of the sweet love making he was expecting, the Hot Russian stabs him in the ear. She leaves the bar, throws away her wig and it turns out she's not Russian, but she is British and she calls another British woman that is in charge who is Austin Powers, in drag baby, yeah!
Discussion Questions
1) Chloe's new hair: Yay or Nay?
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| New Chloe |
2) For a guy that is "off the grid", Jack had a lot of tattoos. Why is that?
3) Would it be difficult for Americans to elect a man with as big of chin as The British Prime Minister? Explain.
4) Jack confessed that he "has no friends". Besides always being in constant danger, why do you think that is? Is Jack going soft? Give three examples of how Jack could make new friends but do not list "first be a friend".
5) Really-did you know President Goldline meant Teddy and not Franklin Roosevelt? ( I knew it, but I majored in history)
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