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If MSNBC Reported on The Attack On Pearl Harbor

Today, December 7, 1941, the island paradise of Hawaii was raided by what some consider to be a surprise attack by the Empire of Japan.

However, it was not confirmed at press time that it was the Japanese Air Force that bombed the American Naval Forces at Pearl Harbor.

MSNBC reporter Contessa Brewer says, “We can only hope it was not the Japanese. We would prefer that it would have been an American attack on an American naval fleet. Actually, if it could be a bunch of Southerners coming back from a tent revival meeting--it would make my day”.

Details of the attack are scarce, but initial reports says that bombers and torpedo carrying planes from what could have possibly might have been Japan, targeted warships, aircraft and military installations.

News of the daring raid shocked President Franklin Delano Obama who urged calm and advised everyone not to jump to any hasty conclusions that might cause people to think unkind thoughts about another person in the solar system. He announced he would be forming a task force to look into the matter after he finishes his next two rounds of golf.

“Whatever happened in Hawaii today will not derail the focus of this administration: Green Technology”, said the President in a written statement.

At 7:55 local time, the first wave by what appears to be Viking airplanes struck the naval base for 35 minutes causing several fires and a lot of “problems” to the Pacific Fleet.

The second wave by the unconfirmed at press time New Zealand air force followed at 9:00 with anywhere from 2 to 100 planes which pounded Hickman Army Air Field for an hour.

Officials announced 350 men were killed by one single bomb at Hickman, but that might be an inflated figure given the events of the day.

The reasons for the attack are numerous. As analyst Keith Olbermann says, “Whoever did this, was probably out of work, worried about their healthcare. Or it was former President Hebert Walker Hoover’s fault.”

As for the political fallout, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews notes that Americans also hate people that are different than they are and that’s why they want to blame the Japanese. “Americans are bad at math, too, so they are jealous of Japan”

“Besides, it could have been anybody. Anyone can draw a picture of the sun on the side of an airplane.”