Real Time 24 Recap

Hour “1:00PM-2:00PM” was probably the best 24 EVER.

When we last left Jack Bauer, he had performed a SIMectomy on the Russian Bad Guy that killed Agent Freckles. Turns out the dearly departed had recently called former President Milhous Logan. Jack, using his laser like logic, realizes that the conspiracy to kill his hot girlfriend reaches up to the highest levels of government.

He takes the Lady Reporter and his Ugly Friend out for a natural work team meeting outside. The Ugly Friend goes back to his apartment because it has an awesome stereo. Jack tells the Lady Reporter that he wants her to break the story even though they only have one source and at the NEW YORK HONKIN’ TIMES, you apparently need forty sources to publish a story about a certain former Vice Presidential nominee that was cattin’ around on his terminally ill wife. No worries; they can publish the story in three hours if she can just talk to her editor. Jack throws away her phone and tells her to use a pay phone. Whoa, 24 just entered the area of science fiction: when was the last time you saw a pay phone?

Back at the UN, President Woman and Mrs. President Poofy Hair are finally working at the details for the Peace that passes all understanding. President Logan is in another office watching FOX News and trying on a snazzy red tie. He gets a phone call from his aide stating that the Hit Man is really in a bad way due to Jack and his craving set. Logan slithers his way to President Woman and tells her that everything is okay except Jack Bauer has a tape that will probably lead to her impeachment. President Woman, using all of the great acting ability that earned her an Emmy, looks like she is holding in really bad gas. It turns out, the Peace Process has given her a headache like the rest of us.

Over at CTU, they see Jack’s handiwork. Arlo tells Chloe that Jack got the bad guy to ‘spill his guts’, ha-ha, but seriously, Chloe wants to help Jack but what can she do since she is wearing this weird looking dress with the shear sleeves? Chloe comes up with a plan to spring Agent Chico out of his cell so they can go looking for Jack. Still, no one smells the dead probation officer The Not That Hot Tech killed and stuffed in an out take duct about eight hours before.

President Logan begins to head to the airport to meet the Russian leader, Mr. Big. Little does he know that Jack’s Ugly Friend downloaded the former President’s motorcade to Jack’s I-Phone. Fortunately, Jack updated his status on Facebook (“It’s a good day for killing. Oh yeah, I hate John Mayer”) before he put on this incredible body armor that enable anyone, even me, to look cool whacking people.

Jack stops the motorcade, kidnaps Logan and gets Logan to squeal like a little pig. Of course, Logan tells Jack it was the Russian ambassador. Then Jack does his patented Jack Bauer “Knock out Head Lock”.

To make a long story short, Jack does his own special Feng Shui with the Russians. However, he gets cut in the end and his bleeding. Logan tells Mr. Big that Jack is wounded, which of course, means nothing.

Next week the last 24 ever!