Just Super

Last Sunday night, Americans gather around the electronic medium of television as one gigantic community to critique commercials.

In case you haven’t heard, The Super Bowl was played in between those commercials. In years past, the commercials have taken a decided comedic direction, if by direction one means hitting a man in the gonads.

This year the theme was: men like beer and lots of it. Also, candy can help you not play football like an eighty year old man or woman.

But in between the commercials a football game was played and it was a dandy.

For many, many years, The Super Bowl was the worst game of the year, even worse than the Pro Bowl, which sometimes features players wearing flip-flops and straw hats instead of cleats and helmets. Many of the bad Super Bowls featured the Buffalo Bills, a team which has a Buffalo on its helmet, but not a “Bill”. Which is like the Cleveland Browns whose helmet is orange. No wonder these franchises have a hard time.

However, in the past several years, The Super Bowl has lived up to its hype and has been a good game. In this year’s Super Bowl the Indiabaltimore Colts played the Destroyed by Katrina Saints. The Colts were led by a cyborg named Peyton Manning, while the Saints were led by Kim Kardashian and her gigantic booty.

Watching Peyton Manning play quarterback is like watching that Chef on “Hell’s Kitchen”. He runs around and points and stops and points again and yells and makes what my football expert wife calls “monkey motions”.

I was just joking when I said the Saints were led by Kim Kardashian and her large rump. They are led by Breeze Drews or Drew Brees - a man that was named like he was born in a soap opera.

The pregame ceremonies saw Queen Latifah (who elected her Queen anyway?) sing something I didn’t recognize and apparently she didn’t either. Then Carrie Underwood, who in this humble correspondent’s opinion is one hot chick, sang the National Anthem in an outfit that is best described as “Elvis in Outer Space”.

The game began and it chugged along with its critical moments, important plays and crucial second efforts. It looked for a while that Cyborg Manning was going to lead The Colts to their second Super Bowl victory in which his entire life would be vindicated as an immortal quarterback instead of a quarterback that has won one plain old Super Bowl.

At halftime, two elderly men appeared and began yelling at you. They were “The Who”, a band that was popular before the Super Bowl ever began. They sang a melody of their hits, beginning with “Pinball Wizard”, which is a great song but you have to explain to the younger generation what a pinball machine is and what made this deaf dumb and blind kid so good. And, just as a total coincidence, they played three of their hit songs which are the themes for the “CSI’ franchise of shows which just happens to appear on CBS, the same network that was broadcasting the game.

The Saints began the second half with an onside kick and really, after that, had control of the game. Robo Manning tried to bring them back in the waning minutes of the game, but ended up throwing an interception that sealed the win for the Saints.

The Saints have won their first Super Bowl. As my old pal Cole Rudder said ”I could not have named two Saints fans before this year started now apparently I know about a hundred of you”. How dat is possible, I don't know.