Advice to Young Men From An Old Married Man

I have now been married for 29 years.

I am not an expert on marriage. I am an expert on how to be married to Lori.

Soon, our son will be marrying his fiance. I have been giving him advice for the past couple of months that I would like to share.

First of all, you actually have to like the person you marry. Not Love or Luv.  You have to like that person as a person. In others words, you would still talk to this person if you were not in a romantic relationship.

It shouldn't come as news but a lot of dudes don't do this. They love the body of the girl they marry. Hey, a smoking hot body is important but all of that flies  out the window when the apartment floods or the heater hose busts in the car.

This is really personal but it is also the best thing I have ever said in my life and I'm really proud of it.

Lori and I had our first real romantic encounter and my head was swimming. I had an epiphany that I loved this girl. However, I didn't want to mess things up by getting too deep in the weeds with love talk. So I said to her, "Lori, I don't know where all of this will go, but I want you to know that wherever it goes, I will always be your friend." 

I have been her friend over the years and she has been mine.

Secondly, you actually have to the listen to the person you marry. Women communicate with words, vocal tones and body language.

You may want to make a note of that. Women really work at communication, while men try to get by with various moans and grunts.

If you listen to a woman once, she will expect you to listen to her the rest of the time. Wives will give pop quizzes just to make sure you are paying attention. Another proud moment of mine is the time Lori was talking and suddenly stopped to give me a pop quiz to see if I was listening. I quoted everything she said back to her, WORD FOR WORD.  I should be given a Nobel Prize.

Men should learn that words actually communicate something different to women than the definition of the word.

Men use the word "fine" to mean something looks good and does not need improvement. Women consider the word "fine" to be an insult.Consider this scenario: Wife models a new dress for her husband. Her: "Do you like it?"  Him: "It's fine"  What She Hears: "It looks like death warmed over." I would suggest you consult a thesaurus and use words like "great", "amazing" or if you are from Alabama, "Yer so hot".

My mother gave me great piece of wisdom before I got married. She told me most marriages fail in either the bankbook or the bedroom.

My advice to anyone getting married is to make sure that you, as a couple, are compatible in the bankbook. You have to have a clear understanding of finances. In other words, guys, you may have to give up something if it costs too much money.

Also, I cannot stress this enough, you CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN  WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED.  Women find this very offensive and it will cost you a lot of money.

My final bit of advice: You don't have to win every argument. You don't have to argue. I've found that the pain in my head goes away when I agree with Lori. It is quicker that way.

I encourage everyone to get married. It has really worked for me. Of course, it helps when you have a wife like mine.

Sorry boys, but she is taken.