Audrey is sitting on the park bench in the sights of Cheng's sniper. Audrey's friend makes some sort of movement and the sniper finishes off the friend. Cheng calls Audrey again and tells her not to move. Audrey wishes she didn't have that Big Gulp before she left the American Embassy.
At the Russian Embassy Jack, Mr. Audrey and HCA are stepping over all of the dead Russians. Jack finds The Russian's cell phone which is storing all of the texts from Cheng. ("Got Flat Chested One in sights. LOL!") Jack discovers that the Russians have rented a boat to take Cheng and The Chengettes ( Opening for David Spade in Vegas this summer) out of the country.
Then Mr. Audrey gets a text from Cheng. ("U SUN BE ABLE TO DATE AGAIN"). Mr. Audrey tells Jack that Audrey loves Jack. Jack replies that he really just sort of liked Audrey and that she was okay. Mr. Audrey counters with "Jack and Audrey, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G". In the midst of all of this intellectual conversation, it was decided that HCA will go and help Audrey while Jack goes after Cheng.
The President is now at CIA Headquarters for some unknown reason. He talks to The Chinese President again. He warns The Chinese President not to let the ships pass the 12 mile limit or the United States will be just a little bit late on paying back some of those loans.
Chloe wakes up from her Grade 2 concussion and walks down an desolate country road in the middle of London when she is picked up by a passing by car. They ask her what that crap is on her eyes. She asks to use their cell phone. She calls Jack and he answers in classic Jack Bauer form: "WHO IS THIS?" Chloe offers Jack her help. She reminds Jack that all of his friends are dead, which is something everyone who is trying to save the world from war wants to hear.
HCA finds Audrey and gives her some comical instructions. "Audrey. Do not not move. Do you understand? If you do, shake your head four or five times. The sniper won't mind." The HCA has Audrey to pretend she is running away so the sniper will take a shot at her. Great idea. The sniper shoots Audrey in the thigh, just for old time's sake.
Jack and Chloe meet Jack's friend at the dock. It takes Chloe five minutes to set up a sophisticated computer system. Jack and Jack's friend go on to the boat. With Chloe's help, they basically kill all of Cheng's lesser henchmen in about two minutes.
Inside the boat, Cheng gives the sniper the kill order because there's not that much time left in the show. Kate jumps out of the bushes with a no-name agent and shoot the sniper. However, there are some more bad guys around and one of them shoots Audrey. HCA tries to perform Jack Bauer Medicine on Audrey (She yells at the wound). But it is no use-Audrey has gone to that great silent clock in the sky to become "The Flattest Angel".
So, where were you when you found out Audrey was dead? Jack was on the boat and took a call from HCA. For a moment there, it looked like Jack was really going to kill himself. Luckily for the world, the first string Chengettes appeared out of no where giving Jack a reason to yell and kill something.
Jack kills everybody with a gun. He finds Cheng and beats him up. There's a satellite feed back to the President. Facial recognition recognizes it is Cheng (this same technology thought Michael W.Smith was my son). That's all we need to save the world from going to war. And with that, Jack decides to give Cheng a haircut. Unfortunately, he took a little too much off the top and sliced Cheng's head off with a handy Samurai sword.
Jack and Jack's friend go back to get Chloe. She's gone. Jack gets a mysterious phone call.
Suddenly it is twelve hours later. HCA quits the CIA. Hopefully, she'll become a model or something. Mr. Audrey is in a holding cell because the President arrested him for treason. At the airport, Prime Minister Bigchin tries to comfort The President. The President gave a real touching response, but unfortunately, something was in my eye and I wasn't able to pay as much attention as I should have AND I WAS NOT CRYING.
It turns out, some auxiliary Russians were in town and they kidnapped Chloe and held her in exchange for Jack. Jack and Chloe have a moment where they touch hands which is the nearest thing to sex Jack has had since Agent Freckles. Jack is taken to a helicopter and off he goes to a Russian Prison. They will regret it.
Discussion Questions:
1) How would you rate this season's 24? I give it a 9.9.
2) Favorite moment? Mine was when Jack throws Mommie Dearest out the window.
3) Favorite Jack line?
4) Do you like the condensed version? I do--it seemed to get to the point quicker.
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