Bill

Did I ever tell you about the famous "Diarrhea Death March of 1997"?

In 1997, we went to see our friends, Bill and Dianne Wade for the Fourth of July. They had just moved to Murfreesboro, Tennessee from Vicksburg, Mississippi.

Since it was a holiday, Bill took us to a local state park for a picnic. Sounds good, right?

Wrong and it was not Bill's fault. I had just developed a condition (embarrassing medical confession in Three..Two..One) called Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). It is just as fun as it sounds.  I'm not going to describe the symptoms, but they involve the bathroom.

We had our picnic with wings from the local BBQ joint, "The Slick Pig". The "Pig" is famous in the South. I have heard reviews that range all the way from "Great" to "Yuck". I thought the wings were good as were the potato chips and Cokes. By the way, wings, potato chips and Cokes are not the way to treat the symptoms of IBS.

Bill had the great idea that we should go on a hike. Off we go on the hike: Bill, Dianne, their ten year daughter Katy, my wife Lori, our six year son, and me. I asked Bill about two hundred yards into the hike how far we are going. Bill's answer: "Six miles".

About three hundred yards into our six mile hike, I felt the rumblings.  Even though Dianne and Katy are like family to me, I did not want them to hear "The Alan IBS Experience". Thankfully Dianne, Katy and Lori decided to take a shorter path. In retrospect, I should have stayed in the car and let everybody else go on the hike.

Deep into the hike, I asked Bill if there were any bathrooms around. It is important to note that we are on a trail in a state park. Bill told me that there were plenty of trees around. I gave him the numeric description of my problem. He laughed and told me I could use a leaf.  That did not sound very pleasant.

So I held it and continued hiking. It was hot. It was muggy. I had bad stomach cramps.

Finally, through much prayer and grace, we came to the end of our hike. The girls had already beat us the finish and were waiting for us. About 50 yards behind the love of my life, a woman that is like a sister to me and her daughter were THE PUBLIC BATHROOMS !  I ran past them hoping I could make it to the bathroom before disaster strikes.

One minor detail. An African-American family reunion was being held at this park at the same time. If you don't know, this can be a large gathering and this family used three enormous buses to bring them to the park.  The picnic tables for this park were in front of the public bathrooms and the whole dang family were at the picnic tables.

I sprint past all of the people in this family, however there was four young adults (two men, two women) standing right in front of the Men's bathroom.  One bad sign: the window for the Men's bathroom was open.

I make it to the bathroom. The floors of the bathroom were concrete and the bathroom had an echo. I'm not going to describe what happened next, but imagine just hearing the Normady Beach scene of Saving Private Ryan. It was horrible.

After the fireworks were over, I heard the voice of a young woman say this: "Damn".

We have laughed over the years about the story. I thought about it again when I heard that Bill was in the hospital. He had some confusion. The doctors had to rule out a brain tumor. The doctors thought he may have had an aneurysm or a TIA ( "mini stroke").  I was very worried about my friend.

We've had a rough couple of months, friend-wise. One friend of ours had a massive stroke and was in a rehab facility for two months.

Another friend of ours had an accident cutting down a tree and fracture his skull. Lori and I saw him at the grocery store shortly before the accident. This guy was a remarkable man-always friendly and always laughed at my stupid jokes. I never told him that I thought he was a great person and I wished there were more people like him. He passed away a few weeks ago.

Bill's diagnosis was Transient Global Amnesia. It sounds serious and it is disconcerting, but it was the best of all possible diagnosis. It was just one of those weird things.

But it gives me the opportunity to thank Bill for his friendship over the years. He has made me laugh. He drove down from Murfreesboro to Marietta to help us move. That should tell you all you need to know about him. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that he donated a kidney to another friend of his (some of his friends get kidneys; others get help with moving).

One of the ways I have kept out of trouble is thinking "What would Bill think of me doing this?". He has listened to me over the years. He helped Lori and me raise our son. I can't tell you how many times Lori has said, "Why don't you ask Bill about this?"

I'm thankful that Bill's condition is not serious because I've never told him what a great person he is and how much I value our friendship. Until now.