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Big News: The Georgia Senatorial Primary is only a few weeks away! Can't you feel the excitement?

Already, we have had a couple of months worth of television commercials from the candidates running to replace Saxby Chambliss. This is a transcript of me watching television one night last week.

"Hi, I'm Jack Kingston and I think the gubment needs to use more coupins to save money. I'm here driving my old rusty station wagon to remind you that I know how to save money. I don't have air conditioning in it, I just roll down the winders. None of that fancy audio junk either. Just AM radio and an eight track. I still listen to the same Doobie Brothers tape (The Captain and Me). I'm talking about China Grove, y'all. I'm Jack Kingston and I approved this message because I think the U.S.Senate needs to use more coupins"

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"Jack Kingston says he is a conservative but he is a bedwetting liberal that voted himself 4000 pay raises and raised the debt ceiling 2 billion times. Jack Kingston, Conservative in Georgia-Liberal Bedwetter in Washington. Paid for By The People You Always End Up Sitting Beside At A Dinner Party."

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[Scene: Man standing in a field wearing a sharp jacket. Hair barely blowing in the wind] "I'm David Perdue and I'm not a professional politician. I was the CEO of every major corporation on earth and I got things done. I'm also a college graduate unlike one of my opponents whose name rhymes with Baren Bandle. She just hung out with the potheads in the smoke hole at  high school smoking cigarettes . We don't need people smoking cigarettes in the smoke hole in Washington and as a businessman who is bringing a fresh pair of eyes to Washington I pledge never to smoke cigarettes in the smoke hole."

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[2008 Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin standing with Karen Handle]. "You're darn tootin' I'm throwing my support to Karen Handle. You know, a lot of those boys think they are so tough because they figure out when to run a sale of juice boxes at Dollar General. Have you ever been to a Dollar General? My Lord, you want to brag about running that? Karen was you guys, I mean, y'alls [eyes rolled up-looking slightly embarrassed] Secretary of State, where she worked and nobody asked for her diploma then. You know, some men try to hide their short comings by attacking others. I wonder what that other candidate's, I can't remember his name but he used to sell shoes, short comings are?"

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"Hi, I'm Sam Nunn's homely daughter Michelle and I'm running this ad because I went to be a Senator just like my daddy, Sam Nunn. Here's a picture of me talking to some people. Here's a picture of me talking to my first African-American ever. Here's a picture of me with one of the Bush Presidents. Here's a picture of me speaking when my hair was sort of curly. Here's a picture of me talking to a man in front of a church to show we Democrats are not anti-faith although I'm not sure if this is one of those Holy Roller-Jump The Pew-Snake Handling churches. Here's a picture of me with my kids and husband to give hope to ugly people that they will find someone to have sex with and procreate. I'm Sam Nunn's homely daughter Michelle and I approved this message."

 
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"My name is Paul Broun and I am the one Senate candidate that looks the most like Boomer Esiason. The most important issue in this election is The Earth.  The second most important issue is which translation of The Bible you like."


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"I'm Phil Gingrey and I used to be a doctor. I also used to have a mustache, which I rocked for years. As your next Senator, I promise to stab Obamacare, douse it with gasoline, set it on fire, douse it with more gasoline, set it on fire again. If it is still living after all of that, I promise to kick it and step on it.  I'm Phil Gingrey and I approved this message because I want to stab, douse with gasoline and set on fire Obamacare."

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"Phil Gingrey. Voted himself pay raises while complaining he couldn't live on a House salary. Voted for Cash For Clunkers. Voted to raise the debt ceiling. As an Ob-Gyn, he has seen a lot of women naked. Phil Gingrey. My God.  Paid for By People Who Think Nobody Is Conservative Enough" 

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