Real Time 24 Recap

Last week, Mrs. Recap and I were in Las Vegas, so we’ve missed an important episode of 24. Here it is in a nutshell. Jack may or may not have broken ribs to go with his stab wound and fried little Jack. The A-rabs want President Poofyhair in exchange for not setting off a dirty bomb in Manhattan (near the Ed Sullivan theatre, I might add) and killing tens of thousands of people and making it nearly impossible for David Letterman to do his show. Of course, President Woman is against this because of the “peace treaty”. It was really comforting to hear her say that if the dirty bomb went off, “we would deal with it”. Whoa, Presidential leadership on display. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and we can deal with it. Fourscore and seven years ago, our forefathers decided to deal with it.

President Woman’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emmanuel and a newly introduced evil white man concoct a scheme to kipnap the President Poofyhair and give him over to the terrorists. Ethan, President Woman’s true love, gets wind of this and has a heart attack.

The rogue operatives attack Jack, Agent Freckles, President Poofyhair, Mrs. Poofyhair, and the Hot Kayla. They are no match for Jack.

In a super duper two hour episode of 24, President Poofyhair learns that if he turns himself over to the terrroists, he can save the lives of thousands of people and maybe even Paul Schaffer. He knocks Jack out and has the only operative Jack didn’t kills take him to where Tarin is waiting with the ticking bomb of Certain Doom. Except since the terrorists learned of President Poofyhair’s bravery, they ordered an abort of the bombing with only 7 seconds left.

Meanwhile, back at Leadership Central, President Woman is waiting for the bomb to go off so she can deal with it. Jack calls and informs her that Rahm Emmanuel and that other guy secretly conducted a rogue operation to save the lives of hundreds of thousands of fellow Americans, which of course, makes her mad. She busts into Rahm Emmanuel’s office where he and the other guy are staring at Ethan trying to make him better. President Woman slaps Rahm, when she probably should have given him a medal. Then she launches into a rant about treason (which this wasn’t) and that he could get the death penalty (which he wouldn’t—President of a small Arab country is alive but-- half of million New Yorkers are dead and the most valuable real estate on Earth is uninhabitable—good luck with the jury).

Back at CTU, the Not That Hot Tech is acting like a real mole. She tries to go and mess up the computers, but Arlo is there to prevent it by staring at her chest. CTU informs Jack of the whereabouts of Tarin and President Poofyhair. In a first for television, Jack steals a Hyundai. (I guess no scooter was available). Jack chases Tarin’s SUV into a garage and somehow makes Tarin drive off of the top of the garage, killing Tarin. But….President Poofyhair is no where to be found.

That’s because he was switched and put into a Honda which drives off. Using his analytical skills, Jack finds Tarin’s phone (wouldn’t be cool if Tarin’s ring tone was something like the Theme for “Scoobie Do, Where Are You?”) and concludes that there must be a mole in CTU.

Of course, they realize it is the Not That Hot Tech and this makes Agent Chico mad because, he killed a redneck for her. She tries to bolt from CTU, but an actual perimeter (that works!) keeps her from escaping. She demands to talk to Jack.

Jack comes in and she demands immunity, which of course, President Woman grants because it makes no sense. She gives CTU the skinny and Jack and Agent Freckles run out to find President Poofyhair before it is too late.

To make a long story short, it was too late. President Poofyhair is killed by the terrorists, whom Jack kills. First silent clock of the year (which is big deal in 24 land)

Next week, the return of the President you thought was killed by a designing woman.