Real Time 24 Recap

Hours 1-4


Let’s review we are in regards to 24.

When we last left Jack Bauer, he was lying in a hospital bed dying due to exposure of some really bad something. His only hope (and ours) was his mentally/emotionally challenged daughter would do some sort of bone morrow/DNA/ procedure that was experimental and hasn’t really worked yet, but it was the only hope besides carting him off to Benny Hinn.

The President of The United States survived an attack of frogmen from an African country (don’t ask) and found out her daughter was part of the plot against the country. President Allison was married to Henry who was shot in the gut at about 5:00 in the afternoon, but was managing to be sitting upright in the Oval Office the next day.

Chole survived, even though she is a mommy. Bill didn’t.

In the first four hours of this year’s 24, there has been one hand sawed off, one shot in the thigh, and one serious can of whoop-butt has been laid out however none has been administered by Jack Bauer.

I could review each hour of the four hour season premier. But I missed one of the hours because FOX decided that it was more important to show Human Target at 8:00 and I feel asleep during the second hour of 24 and missed the season’s first thigh shot. Human Target was dreadful.

The first thing that struck me about 24 is that Jack is almost a human in this season. He has a granddaughter and watches FOX News. You can almost hear Jack complaining about “Obama” and “Health Care”. You can see him call Chole to have the President’s birth certificate sent to his PDA.

Jack mentions to his daughter that he is going to move out to California to be near them. A man wanting to live near is daughter and granddaughter. Very normal. Jack has a friend with a security company that Jack can do some consulting work for. Not normal.

First of all, Jack has a friend that is alive? This man is a walking angel of death. Anyone that gets close to him dies, particularly friends. At the very least, they turn screwy.

Second, what type of consulting tips would he give a security firm besides thigh shooting?

This year the show is in New York after a brilliant year in the nation’s capital. Apparently, at least in the first four hours, the legendary New York traffic is no longer heavy and presents no problem for the CTU.

CTU is somewhere in the city that never sleeps, but it looks like it is across the river in New Jersey. Since everyone ever associated with CTU besides Jack and Chole are dead, we have new associates to learn.

One is a blond tech that thinks she is hot, but she really isn’t. She has some kind of trailer trash past and her ex is a Reddddddddneck. The blonde tech is engaged to a Jack Bauer in training played by Freddie Prinze, Jr. Just once I hope he answers a duty request with, “Hey, not my job man”.

There is a new boss since Bill is dead. The new boss walks hunched over like he has the weight of the entire country on his shoulders.

The old President is back (24 has had some real winners). She’s in talks with the leader of a Middle East country about disarming that country’s WMDs. They sit in the same room, in desks, five feet about from each other and speak into microphones.

Oh yes, the Middle East leader has a little somethin’ somethin’ for a reporter who may or may not be a mole. But the good news is that we now know his brother is one and the Russian Mob is involved. It turns at, that in a country of 205 million people, there is only one person that can infiltrate the Russian Mob: Agent Freckles.

Agent Freckles is Renee Walker, last year’s hot FBI agent that lost her boyfriend and now she’s transformed into this Female Jack. She’s got Jack worried. He’s all editorial page of The New York Times compared to her. Just to prove to how crazy she is, she sawed off a Russian’s hand. Then she sang “Pants on the Ground” as required by law on every FOX show every 15 minutes.