By Any Other Name

I suppose Mother's Day is not the best time to say this:  I am really mad at my mom.

Now, my mother died 21 years ago and I probably should let it go as the song in Frozen said. However, something has come up that I have to do and it is her fault.

I have to add my first name to my driver's license.

That may not sound like a big deal to you, but it is a big deal to me.

My first name: Leslie.  My given name at birth is Leslie Alan Manis. I want to give it back.

It is entirely my mother's fault.

She said she looked through the Marietta, Georgia phone book before I was born, listing names on a sheet of paper that were, in her words, "pretty" (or more accurately stated "purdy").  She put those two names together and felt like she created a beautiful song because the name flowed and sang. It may have flowed and sang but it was a big fat pain in the neck for me.

I have never gone by Leslie. I have done everything I could do to conceal and pretend that the name doesn't exist.

As a boy growing up in The Deep South in the 60's and 70's, having a "girl's name" was not something I would wish on any boy.

Before you say it, yes, I know it is not technically a "girl's name" and there have been many famous male Leslies. For example, Leslie Nielsen, who was in "Airplane" and  Leslie David Baker who played Stanley in "The Office".

 

However, growing up, I ran into no male Leslies. All female Leslies. No famous football players were named Leslie. Or baseball players for that matter.

I remember in sixth grade this kid named Robert (which I couldn't be named because it was my brother's middle name) would say, "Hey Main-ass (my nickname), is it Leslie or is it Lez-lee?"

For some reason, the name invites the speaker to add a lisp to it. I have never figured it out. I'm mean, nobody lisps when they say "Wesley". Even Old Man Manis did it. One time, he was introducing me to one of his Lockheed co-workers and he said, "And this is mah thurd soun...Lezlee Alun"

On the first day of school in eight grade, I was one of many smelly eighth grade boys in a PE class. The coach comes out with his roll book and says, "Boys, it looks like we got us a little girl in class". I almost pooped in my pants because  I knew he was talking about Leslie Manis.  The "little girl" turned out to be an actual girl named Robin.

That same year, I took a business class and as part of the class we had to order a Social Security card. I was sitting around a bunch of guys and I didn't want to explain it again. So I ordered a card for Alan Manis. In a few weeks I got a Social Security card that said: "Alan Manis".

Most people did not know that I had another name besides Alan. It wasn't like I had assumed a false identity, I just didn't want to be laughed at. I was living a real life "A Boy Named Sue". Some gal would giggle and I'd get red. Some guy would laugh and I wanted to bust his head. Life's not easy for a boy named Leslie.


I found a way around it. My diploma from Kennesaw State says "L. Alan Manis".  My drivers license, which I got forty years ago, also shows "L. Alan Manis".  I know I had to show my birth certificate when I got my license. I guess the people at the DMV just understood.

In fact, I have to add Leslie to my Social Security card because my drivers license is up for renewal in a few months. Your name on the drivers license must be the same name that is on your birth certificate and your social security card. It has something to do with Homeland Security. Chalk another win for The Radical Muslims.

I have been told that I shouldn't care if people laugh at my name. This has been told to me by non-effeminately named people. I guess they are right. But in my defense, there are few things that press my buttons, but being called Leslie is one of them. 

Bob Dylan understands. He once said "Some people, you know, (are) born with the wrong name...I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free."

“Some people — you’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.”

Read More: Bob Dylan – Stage Names Origins | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/bob-dylan-stage-names-origins/?trackback=tsmclip

“Some people — you’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.”

Read More: Bob Dylan – Stage Names Origins | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/bob-dylan-stage-names-origins/?trackback=tsmclip

“Some people — you’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.”

Read More: Bob Dylan – Stage Names Origins | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/bob-dylan-stage-names-origins/?trackback=tsmclip

“Some people — you’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.”

Read More: Bob Dylan – Stage Names Origins | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/bob-dylan-stage-names-origins/?trackback=tsmclip

“Some people — you’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.”

Read More: Bob Dylan – Stage Names Origins | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/bob-dylan-stage-names-origins/?trackback=tsmclip

Tell me about it, Bob. I want to be called Alan. If you want to call me the other, well, smile when you say that partner.

***Update*** 

Since this post was written, I went on an Alaskan cruise. Of course, the name on my passport, my reservation, and my ticket was "Leslie".   I told the cabin attendents to call me Alan, which apparently was difficult to understand. The cabin attendents said "Have a good day, Lez-lee", anyway.


A few weeks ago, I was going through Customs after a vacation trip to the Bahamas. The Customs Agent said, "You're good to go. Lez-lee" which caused the other Customs Agent to laugh.  With all of the goofy names in the world, mine is the only one that can make Customs Agents laugh.