Here's Johnny

There's this stupid joke that I've repeated several times about the book Moby Dick: It is a whale of a tale.

My history with Moby Dick is not a complicated one. I was assigned to read it as a junior in high school and I didn't because it was long and didn't have any pictures of girls in bathing suits. I think I made a B in that class, but I'm not sure.

I was issued a challenge via Facebook to read Moby Dick.  I bought the "illustrated" Moby Dick for my Kindle. (The illustrations so far: a whale). I have made it through 15 chapters. I don't think the lead character, who I will call "Ishamel", has even gotten on the boat.  But he has slept with a New Zelander with tattoos.

One of the problems besides lack of pictures in Moby Dick is that I've become interested in other books. One book I've became interested in is Johnny Carson by Henry Bushkin.

For someone my age, there has been only one host of "The Tonight Show" and it was Johnny Carson. All of us remember begging our parents to stay up to see Johnny Carson.

You can find on YouTube a lot of old Tonight shows. You won't find many pre-1972 because NBC either discarded or recorded over the video tape. But, there are plenty of 70's and 80's Carson out there and to watch it is to watch genius in action.

First, you hear the theme song. Quick: somebody hum David Letterman's, Jay Leno's, Jimmy Fallon's, et.al theme song. Then you hear Ed's voice. Ed McMahon, the greatest marketing pitch man in the history of television. Then you see Ed who says "Here's Johnny!". Spotlight at the center curtain. It opens and out walks Johnny. This was special. Johnny is going to tell us some jokes. And he did. When the jokes bombed, the band would crank up "Tea For Two", Johnny would do a little soft shoe tap dance.   It was absolutely brilliant.

You might remember Carson mentioning his "financial advisor Bombastic Bushkin". That was Henry Bushkin. He was Carson's attorney who took Carson from being a real famous TV personality to being a real famous TV personality with a boatload of money.

Of course, it is a warts and all portrait of Carson. Carson always carried a gun. He enjoyed dating when he was married. He was an absent father. He hated Tom Synder and Rich Little (Little, for all of his flaws as a performer, was the first person to be able to mimic Carson. I wonder what Carson thought of Dana Carvey's imitation?)

There are some wild moments in the books. At the 1981 inaugural of Ronald Reagan, Jack Benny's wife is presented as smoking a doobie in a DC restaurant. If that thought doesn't surprise you, then the image of Carson frolicking in a pool with four nude women probably wouldn't make you blush either.

Even though Bushkin made Carson a very rich man, eventually they had a falling out. And when you fell out with Johnny Carson, you were literally dead to him. Carson retired from "The Tonight Show" in 1992. It is still kind of sad. Jay Leno was, at best, okay as the host. Conan O'Brien was never given a chance. Jimmy
 Fallon is better than I thought he would be, but he is still not Johnny.

Carson died alone in a Los Angeles hospital and was cremated. His production company, which Bushkin created, still makes millions of dollars. It produces DVDs of Carson's old shows from the 70's and 80's. They will be happy to sell them to you if you ever run low on Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter jokes.

Bushkin's Carson is ultimately a very sad one. With this week's suicide of Robin Williams, we are reminded that a lot of the people who give us happiness are actually unhappy themselves.

But do yourself a favor. Go on YouTube and watch any of Williams' appearances on Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show". You'll be glad for the memory of those two guys instead of the reality they lived.