Romney-Rubio. Probably

It is now really official: Willard Mittiman “Mitt” Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and former head of Bain Capital will be the Republican nominee for President. He will face President Barack Obama of Kenya. Lighten up, Francis and Wolf, it is just a joke.

Romney now must focus all of his attention on selecting a running mate. Carl Cannon said, “When Mitt Romney chooses a running mate, it will be the first significant command decision the U.S. electorate sees him make.” It is a very important decision that must be made carefully and with considerable thought.

We are not sure about how much thought the 2008 Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain, gave to selecting Sarah Palin, a little known Governor of Alaska to be his running mate. At the time, it seemed like a stroke of genius because despite sporting a pair of Peggy Hill glasses and a voice that could knock a dog off of a meat wagon, there was bipartisan agreement that Palin could really work a pair of blue jeans. However, it soon became apparent that Palin was not ready for Prime Time when she listed the Marietta Daily Journal as her favorite newspaper.

Not that the person who became Vice President, Joe Biden, was any better. Biden had been a Senator from Delaware (One of my favorite songs says, “What did Della wear boys, what did Della wear? She wore a brand new jersey") for about 400 hundred years and seems to have been picked with this thought process, “Yeah, why not?” Biden has spent the past four years proving “why not” from cursing in front of microphones, stating “jobs” is a three letter word, and for saying his “evolution” on gay marriage was due to a mediocre situation comedy. Biden hasn’t been a total train wreck of a Vice President. He hasn’t shot a Secretary of The Treasury or had to plead Nolo Contendere in court, but his term isn't over yet.

Romney has a lot of “potential” running mates. I don’t think he is going to select another little known Western Woman Governor like Susana Martínez, mainly because I have no idea what she looks like in blue jeans. Additionally, I don’t think Mike Huckabee is interested because he is making pretty good money on Fox News. (In the interest of full disclosure, I have met Mike Huckabee and he gave me a coupon for a dinner for two at The Cracker Barrel. Really.) I can’t see Jeb Bush being on the ticket either. He’s seems like a nice guy and all that, but, another Bush?

The name that everyone talks about is Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida. He is young, bright, and articulate: in other words, everything Joe Biden is not. On the down side, he is not that well known and some people think he is a game kids play at the pool (“Marco” “Rubio”; “Marco” Rubio”)

Another name that is mentioned is Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey. Christie is a straight talking politician. Despite his bluster and the crush Ann Coulter has on him, Christie is a fairly moderate Republican. His problem: he is fat. He is not big boned. He is fat. He does not have a glandular problem. He is fat. He is not in shape, unless you count “blob” as a shape. There are two prejudices that are okay in America now. One is against a religion that is kind of weird but doesn’t blow anybody up (like, say, Mormonism). The other is against fat people.

Then you have the trio of the boring Midwestern white guys: Sen. Rob “Sparky” Portman of Ohio, Gov. Mitch “Pepper” Daniels of Indiana, and former Gov. Tim “Fireball” Pawlenty of Minnesota. Portman probably has the edge of this group, although he did work for Second President Kid Bush. Daniels is sort of like Calvin Coolidge without the hair or charisma. Tim Pawlenty actually ran for President, briefly, under the slogan, “My name is Tim Pawlenty”.

My gut says that Romney will go with Rubio, but who knows? I thought Romney was going to be McCain’s running mate. It might have worked out better even though Romney can’t wear a pair of jeans like Palin.