Bizzaro Pooh

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think”. Christopher Robin to Pooh

You may remember The Republican nominating process. It was in all of the papers. There was Herman and his “9-9-9 Plan”. There was Michele with her honking laugh. There was Rick Perry and the various things he would do if he could just remember what it was. There was Rick Santorum and his vests. There was Ron Paul and his fans who would leave posts on any website extolling the virtues of Dr. Paul (“Planter Warts: WE WOULD NOT HAVE THE PLANTER WARTS PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY IF WE DID NOT HAVE THE FEDERAL RESERVE AND VARIOUS MARIJUANA LAWS. VOTE RON PAUL”). Finally, there was Willard Mitiford “Mitt” Romney, who everyone thought was a dull as dish water and disliked almost as much as Obama.

This process, according to the pundits of NBC News (Motto: “What would Fox News do? Okay, let’s do the opposite”) was going to last well into the summer if not into President Obama’s second inaugural ceremony. These political experts sounded giddy about the prospect of a “Brokered Convention”, which I’m not sure what it is but it would have been bad for the GOP but good for the press.

The only problem was that it petered out in early April. By this time, only Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, and Paul were left. Romney’s money and organization was just too much for his opponents. This is good because we have been spared a fall campaign hearing about the Democrats being sponge worthy because they are the only ones who care about women’s contraceptive needs, especially if they are professional students.

It is going to be tough for Romney this fall. Obama has several advantages, most of which have nothing to do with his record. He has killed Osama bin Laden. He had Congress pass a health care bill that nobody read and nobody likes. He has killed Osama bin Laden. He saved General Motors in order to produce a Chevrolet that costs 43 thousand dollars and either runs on electricity or water (and can turn a daily commute into a weekly commute). He has a gigantic brain. He has killed Osama bin Laden.

His Vice President, Joe Biden, was supposed to bring the gravitas of Dick Cheney without the pure black heart of evil. Most pundits, when pressed, would respectively describe Biden as “a hair plugged dope”. When he’s not swearing, he’s saying things that are just totally stupid. Dan Quayle got torched for saying half the things Biden has said. I’m pretty sure he spells potato wrong, too.

Obama is an incumbent and can travel around and can do great things for the voters like be on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel”. It is very important for a President be on a first name basis with late night talk show hosts and participates in skits. He has this lap dog mainstream media that still thinks he is a Faberge egg. I thought by now the press would have gotten a little ornery with the President, but they still treat him like he was a Pop Star and they still get all goose pimply.

There was one good moment from Chris Matthews, of all people, who said, “What are we trying to do in this administration? Why does he want a second term? Would he tell us? What's he going to do in the second term? More of this? Is this it? Is this as good as it gets? Where are we going? Are we going to do something in the second term? He has yet to tell us. He has not said one thing about what he would do in the second term.” Those are excellent questions to all those that want to move “forward”.

President Obama is the Bizzaro Pooh. He is less serious than he believes, not as strong as he seems, and not as smart as he thinks. That’s why the election may not go the way he wants.