Coming Back to You (Newt)

Maybe I'm still hurting
I can't turn the other cheek
But you know that I still love you
It's just that I can't speak
I looked for you in everyone
And they called me on that too
I lived alone but I was only
Coming back to you -Leonard Cohen

Back on March 29, 2011, Humor Me ran this piece entitled “Who Will Not Become President: Newt Gingrich”. Despite its brilliance I have won neither a Pulitzer nor Nobel Prize. If things keep going the way they have been, I may win the Dumb-Dumb of The Year Award, although Mike Smith (Head Coach of The Atlanta Falcons) and Rick Perry (Highly Functional Retard) are running neck and neck.

I made two valid points: 1) Nobody likes Newt Gingrich and 2) Everybody hates him. I was not expressing my opinion about Newt Gingrich. I’ve always found him interesting and very smart. I’ve found the vitriol expressed about him a little over the top. Of course, a lot of that is from the Offices of James Carville, who invented the Democrat party dog and pony show of claiming Republicans are vile creatures, worthy of only contempt while Democrats are only filled with sweetness and light.

One of the things good about Gingrich is that he doesn’t look like he is about to wet his pants because a reporter asks a hard question. Look back at Tim Pawlenty being asked about “Obamney Care” and then look at the typical question Gingrich is asked. Gingrich looks like he enjoys it. Most of the others, and I’m looking at you Rick Perry, look like they don’t.

I have written that I think Mitt Romney will be the nominee and he may become President. I still do. While it is not a “lock”, President Obama has a record and especially on the economy, it is not good. He’s sort of an odd duck President. We still don’t know that much about him except all of his supporters keep telling us he is a combination of Lincoln, Roosevelt, and Kennedy. He might be. It doesn’t look like it to me.

The knock of Romney is that he is a “flip-flopper” and has no “core” set of principles like Reagan. He’s robotic. He is “Mr. Perfect”. His hair is never out of place. He might appoint Donny Osmond as Secretary of State.

This means there is a market, right now, in Republican circles for somebody that is not Mitt. First it looked like Tim Pawlenty. He bailed and Michele Bachman rose to the top. Then she bottomed out and Rick Perry rose. Rick Perry fell for three reasons: 1) He’s a total Maroon; 2) He has no brain; and …..um, well. I forgot the third one. Oops. (One of the great ironies of this race is a bunch of campaign staff left Gingrich because he went on a vacation and went to work on the Perry campaign).

Perry’s meltdown led to Herman Cain’s rise in the polls. Cain is not only the first serious African-American Republican candidate; he is also the first candidate since Thomas Dewey with a mustache. People like Cain’s style and they like his “999” plan. Unfortunately, some women have come out of the woodwork and he doesn’t seem too sharp when it comes to foreign policy.


This brings us back to Newt. Newt is not a new face on the scene. Here’s the good news: there’s no new surprises about Newt Gingrich. The bad news: he has as about as much baggage as Samsonite. He’s been married three times. He supposedly gave his first wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital for cancer surgery. He was fooling around on his second wife with his third wife while he was trying to impeach President Bill Clinton.

Maybe Gingrich can rise above it. The most popular person in the Democratic Party is Bill Clinton who based his life on Letters to Penthouse. (“I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. There I was in the Oval Office alone with Ruth Bader Ginsberg...”) I wouldn’t count on it though. Gingrich is in the wrong party for sex not to matter.