I saw a meme on Facebook that said, "I've never seen one minute of "Yellowstone".
There are memes like this all the time on Facebook. "I've never eaten a potato chip". You'll have people post comments on it: "Me neither," "I thought I was the only one", "Potato chips, what's that?"
"Yellowstone" is just one of the most popular television shows out now and it is important to keep up with what's popular because they make quick and easy blog posts.
The first thing you need to know about "Yellowstone" is that it is a combination of "Dallas" and "The Sopranos" in the fact that it is a drama about a family and that family kills a lot of people and uses the F-word.
One of the surprising things about the show is how much the word is used on the Paramount Network, which is a basic cable channel. Paramount owns CBS and pretty soon they're going to roboot some iconic CBS shows giving them such titles like "I Effing Love Lucy" and "Murder, She Effing Wrote".
Let's see where we are at in Season Five of "Yellowstone".
John Dutton is now the governor of Montana due to his overwhelming charisma. His campaign slogan "I Hate Everybody Who Tries To Breath My Air" really struck a chord with Montana voters who are tired of all of the outsiders moving in telling them they stink. As a Georgian, I can relate.
John handles his duties as governor of Montana by breathing heavy and mumbling. To cheer himself up, he'll go and fire some mid level bureaucrats.
When his goofball cowhands shot some protected wolves that had the temerity to attack some Yellowstone cattle, the federal government sent some officers in to confront John. John, while only being a politician for a few months, was talented enough to lie to the Feds. The former governor, who is one of John's gal pals, suggested John appoint an environmentalist as an advisors, John then pardoned his other gal pal, a wackodoodle liberal, who was conveniently in jail.
In addition to pardoning the wackodoodle liberal, John also performed the old Bull Durham on her if you catch my drift. (Somewhere, President Clinton is saying to himself, "Why didn't I think of that?")
You will be happy to know that Beth Dutton is still her calm, rationale self if being calm and rationale means busting a beer bottle on the face of a woman flirting with her husband. Beth was wearing a dress that accentuated her Grand Tetons which would be an hilarious joke if the Grand Tetons were in Montana. They are in Wyoming. The mountains, not Beth Dutton's bosoms.
Beth was bailed out of jail by her adopted brother, Jamie, who is considered effeminate because he has read a book. Beth hates Jamie which is understandable because, well, I forgot, just trust me Beth really hates Jamie. Beth is not bi-polar. Beth is tri-polar.
Brother Kayce is still wondering why his name is not spelled "Casey". His wife, the Hot Indigenous Woman, is still whiny. In past seasons, she was mainly whiny because of THE WHITE MAN and she taught a course at Montana State University called Why The White Man Sucks Except For My Husband Who Is Cute Even Though He Can't Spell His Name. (Just for the record, Kennesaw State defeated Montana State in football in 2017)
This season is different though. She (don't ask why) decided to drive herself to the hospital while she was in labor. A buffalo stepped out in the road and she wrecked the car. She gave birth in a field and the baby died at the hospital. Okay, that is a reason to be whiny. John was actually fairly human to her at the funeral ceremony which included the burial of a horse next to the baby.
The Indigenous Version Of John is still walking around looking noble. The first thing John did when he took office was cancel the building of a casino which would bring people to Montana and provide jobs to Indigenous people because John is a graduate of the Joe Biden School Of Decision Making. John has agreed to meet with his Indigenous Version of Himself to discuss this issues which means John will probably send Beth to the meeting because she is so diplomatic.
The cowhands are still goofy. They play cards a lot and sit around saying the F-word.
The Oscar Winning Cowboy takes showers with his girlfriend in the bunkhouse communal bathroom. When I was in college, we had a communal bathroom in our dorm and it was the home of several communicable diseases, so she must really like him.
The Old Anti-Vax Cowboy is seventy years old and the boys gave him a Giza Dream blanket from My Pillow at his birthday celebration. His birthday party was at the bar in Bozeman which saw Beth attack a woman with a beer bottle. That was a birthday to remember.
The Michael Landon Cowgirl is still speaking gibberish.
Rip, who is married to Beth, is still John's right hand man and he is sort of raising an orphan kid Beth took in last season by swearing at the kid and giving him impossible tasks to do.
But, and this is important and I am not making this up, nobody has been taken to "the train station" this season. Don't worry. I'm sure they will.
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