Sunday, February 11, 2018

The Obligatory Super Bowl Post 2018 Edition


Last week,  The 2017 NFL season mercifully came to a close when the Philadephia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots. If that doesn't prove there is a God in heaven, I don't know what will.

I know it is easy to complain about the domination of the Patriots. Since my son was in FIFTH GRADE, they have been going to The Super Bowl. By the way, my son graduated college in 2013.

The head coach of The Patriots, Bill Belichick, would be celebrated as THE GREATEST COACH OF ANYTHING FOR ALL TIME except for the fact he has the personality of prune juice and looks/dresses like he just came off of a three-week bender.

The quarterback of the Patriots is Tom Brady, the most handsome man in the world. 

Back when I was a kid, the "handsome" quarterback was Joe Namath.

When I came along, they wanted quarterbacks to look like the District Manager in Charge of Something Important.  Handsome, but not sexy. Not flashy. Serious. Like Bart Starr.

"I would like to talk to you about an exciting Whole Life policy we have"

Bart Starr was the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers back in the sixties. He looked like he would sell you some insurance.  I saw him one time at Town Center Mall in Kennesaw, Georiga. I kept pointing at him saying "Bart Starr. Bart Starr".  My wife reminded me Starr knew his name.

But Joe came along and he was "Broadway Joe"- all flash and a smile.

"I happen to notice you are a tight end".


Tom Brady makes Joe Namath look like a basset hound.

First of all, Brady has won five Super Bowls, which by definition means he is five times better than the rest of us schlubs, and I don't care how many cures for cancer you have discovered.

Secondly, he is married to a Super Model, Gisele Bundchen.  I'm not quite sure what separates Super Model from a Regular Model, except you would probably never see a Super Model in a Sears catalog. I will say, from a strictly scientific viewpoint, Gisele Bundchen is smoking hot.

Finally, Tom had an actress girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan, who happened to learn she was pregnant with Tom's baby after they had broken up and he began his relationship with his Super Model wife.

The website Heavy says, "Being married to and having two children with Bundchen while trying to maintain a relationship with Moynahan and their son Jack certainly sounds complicated, but they seem to have it all figured out."   Only a quarterback that has won five Super Bowls could have figured out something like this. I know I couldn't.

The Patriots were the favorites to win the game. The Eagles had a good season, but their second string quarterback,  Nick Foles, was starting.

It was one of those games, like last year's Super Bowl, you just kept expecting Tom Terrific to lead the Patriots to a comeback victory.  But it didn't happen.  It made you want to become a Calvinist because it seemed so predestined and seem to confirm that the Lord isn't thrilled with the Atlanta Falcons for some reason.

It has been a rough year for The NFL.

The combination of CTE, the kneeling non-sense, and the flat-out oversaturation of the product ("Welcome to Wednesday Morning Football with the Cleveland Browns at home against The New York Jets") along with the dominance of  New England has left some watching the sport out of obligation, sort of like the way some people go to church only at Christmas and Easter.

Until Philadelphia's victory in The Super Bowl, the season's lone highlight was the Viking quarterback Case Keenum's pass to Stefon Diggs on the last play of their playoff game versus the Saints. That play reminded people what they liked about football. Anything can happen at any time and when it does you want to be there.

Maybe, one day, it will be that way again.

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