Friday, July 21, 2017

SunTrust Park: Questions and Answers

We finally did it!

We finally took in an Atlanta Braves baseball game at the brand spanking new SunTrust Park.

I have compiled answers to some frequently asked questions regarding the new stadium.

Who was Suntrust Park named after?   The new home of The Braves was named after a former President of South Korea, Suntrust Park.

Where is SunTrust Park at?   It is in the Vinings section of the city of Smyrna, Georgia that has an Atlanta mailing address.

How Do I Get There?  I am going to answer this as a 60-ish-year-old native of Cobb County. Go down the Four Lane and rat afore you git to Cumberlyn Mahl, thake a left. (Translation:  It is in the old Circle 75 area. Go south on Cobb Parkway and turn left. You are bound to hit an official Braves parking lot or a semi-official Braves gypsy parking lot.)  

Where do I park?   Glad you ask. There are about 14,000 parking spaces near SunTrust Park, depending on your definition of the word "near".  You can pay $21.00 to park at "Battery Red" which is right next door to the stadium. Or you can pay $1.00 and walk from Chattanooga.

What Is The Battery Atlanta?  It is a bunch of stores and restaurants to make you feel like you are in a quaint little neighborhood that just happens to have a Major League baseball stadium in it. The stores include Baseballism (features baseball related apparel)  and Sugarboo ("Dealer in Whimsy").   The restaurants include Wahlburgers (named after the famous Boston brothers who are famous for some reason) and Haagen Dazs (ice cream shop named after the first Dutch player in major league baseball.)

How Long Is The Wait At The Restaurants?   Three hours.

How Much Do Tickets Cost?   Tickets start at $9.00 if you want to watch the game from the roof of  SunTrust Park.  The tickets go up in price based on how close you are to the field. Those people you see on TV in the stands behind home plate: all are millionaires and are better than you.  Just a joke. Seriously, for a Wednesday night game on August 2, the best seats you can get cost $91.00 a ticket.

What is there to do when you get inside of the stadium?  You could do something wild like watch a baseball game.  If that's not your speed, you can go to wait in line to get into The Braves Clubhouse Store where you can buy official plastic Braves Clubhouse stuff, if you actually get in.  Or you can wait in line to get into the New Era cap store, which sells nothing but the various caps that are "official" Braves caps. Or you can go and look at the exhibits in Monument Garden, which is really neat. You can see Sid Bream's knee brace and marvel at the last century's pathetic attempt at health care.

What type of food is sold at the stadium?  Basic stadium grub. Nobody goes to a ball game to get braised leeks with Mozzarella and a fried egg. Good old fashion over priced artery clogging food.  You may be surprised to know they sell beer at the stadium. The cost:  what a good used car cost in 1986.  They also sell wine. No joke. Mom can zone out with a plastic cup of pinot noir white while you try to remember how to keep a box score.

Do They Sell Dippin' Dots, the ice cream of the future and did you buy some?  Yes. Of course.

Do They Do Anything Cool Between Innings?  Yes. This year the Braves have something called "Beat The Freeze" where a former track star (The Freeze) spots a fan a sizable lead in a race and then beats the fan by a sizable margin.  When I saw "Beat The Freeze", a young man turned to me and said: "That (bad word) is fasser than hale" (translation: "That gentleman is very fast"). The Freeze could be me in a race even if I was riding a horse.

How Much Would It Cost A Family of Four To Go To A Game?    A family of four could easily drop forty thousand dollars at a ball game. Loan officers are standing by to help you finance your evening at the ballpark.

Okay, you've been around a long time old man. Can you compare the parks?  Sure, Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium was dank. It smelled like beer. But it was where I saw Hank Aaron patrol in right field and Joe Torre catch.   Turner Field was like the new girl in school everybody said was hot, but was not. The field always seemed far, far away at Turner.  SunTrust actually looks and feels like a baseball stadium. There really isn't a bad seat in the place.

What Do You Like Best About SunTrust Park?   It is about 20 minutes, in traffic, from my house. Plus, The Dipping Dots, the ice cream of the future.

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