The Naked City

Vacation 2015 is over and guess where we went: New York City.

For the past three vacations, we've gone to New York City, which is a city so nice they named it twice. It takes two or three times to go to New York to really appreciate it.

This was a significant vacation because we ran into so many famous people.

For example, at the Atlanta airport we walked past Al Sharpton. I'm not quite sure what Al Sharpton does or even why he is important. But, he is on TV a lot and that's what counts.

We landed at LaGuardia and found a taxi which proceeded to drive 500 mph to our hotel which was on West 40th Street. The important thing to remember about  West 40th Street is that the Port Authority Bus Terminal is at the corner 8th Avenue and 40th Street.  If you want to know where they got the idea for all of the creatures in The Star Wars cantina scene, just go the Port Authority Bus Terminal.

So while the hotel was very nice, you had to navigate going past the Bus Terminal which had every weirdo ever created on God's green earth coming out of it, if you wanted go to Times Square.

We saw another important person at Time Square: The Naked Cowboy. The Naked Cowboy is a franchise of guys who wear whitey-tighty underwear, boots, a cowboy hat and a guitar. That is all.

The Naked Cowboy sings songs about being: A) a cowboy and B) being naked. He makes his money by posing for pictures with female tourists. It is Capitalism at its best.  There was a market for women having their pictures taken with a man wearing whitey-tighty underwear and boots and The Naked Cowboy meets that need.

However, The Naked Cowboy is overdressed when compared to The Painted Breast Girls of Times Square.

We met our old pal, Stephanie Harkins on Times Square who informed us in very clinical terms (Stephanie is a nurse) about the girls who walk around Times Square with "painted boobies".

Actually, Stephanie said they wore pasties around the most interesting part (my term-not Stephanie's), but still, you don't expect to see someone walking around like that even around The Port Authority Bus Terminal.

We did see The Painted Breast Girls of Times Square. Them ain't pasties, y'all.

I know because I was able to make a couple of scientific observations before I ran into a light pole.

You know who else we saw? K.C. and The Sunshine Band.  K.C.'s contribution to music is mainly encouraging us to shake, shake, shake our booties. He also had us do a little dance, make a little love and  get down. In the 70's, all we did was shake our booties, dance, make love and get down. It was before the smart phone.

K.C. still tours and he sort of/kind of dances around the stage if your definition of "dance" is elastic. His main move is to do a figure eight around his backup singers.

We also saw Judge Andrew Napolitano who despite a brilliant legal career, is now mainly known for his hair going from gray to jet black overnight. I think he's figured out which box of Just For Men to use because his hair looks a little more natural.

Before Just For Men

After Just For Men

My wife and I were walking in 30 Rockefeller Center when she grabbed me by the arm and said, "Don't turn around!".  Ladies, a little bit of marriage advice: Never tell your husband "not to turn around". It is like telling him, "Don't stare at those girls who have painted breasts". Of course, I turned and around and saw Lester Holt. Here is my report on Lester Holt:  Lester Holt is about  7' 8" and might weigh 100 pounds.

We were at 30 Rock to watch a taping of "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon".

I have always had mixed feeling about "The Tonight Show" since Johnny Carson retired. I enjoy it but it is still not the same. I was a little bit wary of when Jimmy Fallon was named the host because Jimmy Fallon cannot do a monologue.

But, he's come along and it is a fairly enjoyable show. Luke Bryan was the singing guest. He's a graduate of Georgia Southern University and sings sexy country songs. The song he sang, "Strip It Down" had lyrics like "Throw you bra in the air, like you don't care" and it made all of the women swoon. [Note: that is not an actual lyric. But it should be.]

Life is not a permanent vacation. We had to come home and on the tarmac we saw our last celebrity: Donald Trump's plane.  It is a huge, classy plane, probably better than all of the other planes at the airport, if you want to know the truth about it.