Giving A Hoot About College Football

In case you didn't know, our favorite professional sport, College Football, is ready to start.

The mighty, mighty, mighty Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets which beat not One but TWO different SEC Bulldog teams, will open the 2015 campaign by playing Alcorn State, which is a college in the state of Alcorn, on September 3rd. The effervescent coach of  Georgia Tech, Paul Johnson, promises another year of looking like he wants to ask you about your whole life policy.

Like a good neighbor, Paul Johnson is there

I kid, I kid.  It was a sad day in my house last November when Tech beat Georgia on a last second field goal which caused one of my millennial friends to tweet, "I hope he (the kicker) gets (sex) tonight".  I always hate it when Tech beats Georgia. It is like they become physically and morally superior to you on top of being smarter. That's a bad combination.

To be honest with you, I had some really big plans for this College Football season because this is the first year of the Kennesaw State Owls football program. Pardon me while I hoot.

Still Undefeated

I had this grand scheme. I was going to contact the Sports Information Director at Kennesaw State and see if I could get a press pass to the first home game. I was going to use this angle: 1) I am an alumni that has generously given tens of dollars to the University and 2) I am a famous blogger (which I'm not, but almost a thousand people have read my blog on The Eagles documentary and that ain't chicken feed.)

Then I was approached about publishing some books. Well, I had to finish writing a book that I started in 2003. Hey, if Harper Lee can take her time on a book, I can too. Additionally, I started writing another book.  I think my son got married somewhere in there. In any event, I looked up and it was way too late to contact anyone about a press pass.

I looked into buying season tickets but something bad happened.

Our air conditioner died on us in July. The one rule about air conditioners at Manis Manor is that they will break in July. Right on schedule, it broke, and it couldn't be fixed. Fortunately, I still had a kidney or two I could sell on the black market and we were able to buy a new air conditioner.  It is worth every kidney.

So, unless the Lord stirs the heart of MY FRIENDS TO GIVE ME A TICKET TO THE HISTORIC FIRST KSU GAME, it looks like I won't be there to sing our fight song, whatever it is, as The Owls take the field for the first time against Edward Waters, who I assume is bringing a team with him.

Meanwhile, back in Big Time College Football, did you see who Nick Saban, the head coach of  Alabama, admit who he would commit adultery with?  Hillary Clinton.

First of all, I cannot imagine Nick Saban having a Non-Football related thought. I'm not sure he does non-football related things although I did see a YouTube clip of him doing The Electric Slide.

Secondly, no matter what your political persuasion, Hillary Clinton has long left the "doable" category that we guys keep in the smutty Rolodex of our brains.

I confess to being one of those Republicans who sees Clinton as a combination She-Wolf and She-Devil. But, in the interest of bipartisanship, 1993 Hillary wasn't that bad. She washed her hair back then and was sort of built in a Midwestern kind of way. But now, I can't think of anyone who'd say "Hillary Clinton: Yeah, I'd hit that".  I know Bill hasn't said that in decades.

 Not Too Shabby

Saban's reasoning was not that he finds Hillary Clinton attractive. She doesn't block well, she is slow as Christmas, she can't throw and really isn't that much a team player. His reason: You don't want to sleep with someone who has less to lose than you do. Therefore, the only woman he can think of that has more to lose than he does is Hillary Clinton.

For argument's sake, let's say Nick and Hillary hook up. It would really damage Nick Saban's reputation, mainly because she wasn't a 5 star recruit. However, it would do wonders for Hillary Clinton. Clinton being Saban's gal pal would  probably enable her to carry the state of Alabama in 2016.

"The Coach & HRC" sounds like a title of a book I could write. At this rate, I'll never go to a Kennesaw State game.