Why I Voted For Mitt

A liberal, a conservative, and a moderate walk into a bar. “Hi, Mitt” says the bartender.


The Georgia Republican Primary is March 6 and I took advantage of the early voting process one day after work. It took about five minutes. I voted for Mitt Romney. I will tell you why.

Let me deny that I voted for Romney due to some sort of self fulfilling Nostradamus prophecy that would impress all the nerds in the blogging world, although that would be kind of cool. In the June 8, 2010 Humor Me I stated that Romney would probably become the Republican nominee. For the last 52 years, with the exception of one election (1964) Republicans nominated either a Vice President or someone who came in second the last time they had a contested primary.

My reason for voting for Romney is very simple. Of the four people that are left in the Republican race, Romney has the best chance of attracting the independents needed to win The White House.

This to me is as clear as the nose on your face. Are independents interested in conservative Catholic theology? Are independents interested in the Gold standard? Are independents interested in moon colonies?

My conservative friends often seem to forget that: a) Not everybody is a conservative and b) Not everybody responds to shouts of “YOU’RE WRONG” by changing their minds. Some people respond to satire, which, if you haven’t noticed, is almost 98% directed towards the GOP and would be at 100% if Santorum, Newt, or Paul win the nomination. All three of these gentlemen are a comedy writer’s dream. You cannot get elected if you become a joke. Friends and neighbors, as much as I respect some of Newt’s supporters (Note: Newt used to the be the congressman for the district I live in), Newt is already there

True, Romney is not perfect. However, I have been puzzled by the insistence of some in the GOP to vote for almost anybody else. I think it is because when they look at Romney, they see First President Dad Bush who said that he was going to stand up and not raise taxes and yet as soon as he got in The White House, he raised taxes. There was a rebellion in the Republican Party, which led to the election of Democratic President (Bill) Clinton. Those years treated us to endless discussions of midnight basketball and where the President put a cigar.

My point is that yeah, Romney may not be your cup of Joe, but think what the re-election of President Megamind means. For one thing, it would lead to the discovery of a whole new set of rights. For example: your right to pay for someone else’s oral contraceptives.

Republicans are always trying to compare everyone to Reagan. Romney is not Reagan. Nobody is Ronald Reagan. But, as I always point out, Ronald Reagan is dead and I don’t feel so good myself. Obama is not a shoo-in by any means. Not with $5.00 gas and 9% unemployment. Romney can beat him. The others cannot. It is that simple.