Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me

"Gloom, despair and agony on me.
Deep dark depression, excessive misery;
If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all!
Gloom, despair and agony on me." – Song heard at The GOP National Headquarters



It impossible to state how totally insane the results of the South Carolina primary were last Saturday night. People who think this chicken feed is chicken salad should never be in charge of The Fourth of July picnic.

Forty-four per cent of Evangelical Christians voted for Newt Gingrich, a man that used his daughters from his first marriage to defend the wife of his third marriage from an attack by the wife of his second marriage. It is increasingly easy to believe that there is a Large Group Health Plan administered by Blue Cross and Blue Shield called “Wives of Newt”.

Gingrich won thirty-eight per cent of women voters. He won forty per cent of college educated voters (Go Gamecocks!). He won forty-five per cent of Conservative voters even though he was for “Cap and Trade” and “Individual Healthcare Mandates” around the same period of time that Mitt Romney was for these issues. There is a commercial of him and Nancy Pelosi sitting on a coach together talking about their agreement on climate change.

Fifty-one per cent of voters who think that defeating President Al Green is the most important quality of a candidate voted for Newt Gingrich. Gingrich has always had two big problems: Nobody likes him and everybody hates him. He is the most unlikable candidate since Nixon drove up from Yorba Linda. Honestly, South Carolina, do you really think a soccer mom in a Cincinnati suburb is going to vote Newt Gingrich?

It is becoming clear that despite the prediction from Humor Me June 8, 2010, that Mitt Romney could lose the Republican Nomination if he doesn’t get his stuff back in his sock. The only person this is less popular than Romney in the Republican Party is Barack Obama.

Romney is seen as a liberal by some in the Republican Party. If I read the term “RINO” applied to Romney once, I read it a thousand times. “RINO” is supposed to mean “Republican in Name Only”, but I have the feeling that it means “Yankee” to a lot of people.

Romney worked in a business most of us do not understand. It doesn’t even have commercials. Supposedly the business plan was to give a company a lot of money so it would go bankrupt. This is worse than Gingrich being an “historian” for Freddie Mac for 1.6 million dollars. (As a person who majored in history in college, I applaud any liberal arts major that can make that kind of scratch.)

Then, the cherry on top, Romney is a Mormon. This is the only religious group in America that it is okay to make fun of in popular culture besides us Southern Baptists. In fact, it is encouraged.

The South Carolina primary was a razzberry to the media. The media goes through all sorts of algorithms when it comes to unloading the dirt on a Democrat, but doesn’t seem to worry with it when it comes to a Republican. They liked it when Newt took it to the media. Gingrich ought to take John King out for a steak dinner.

This is a President who can be beat. I’m not sure it can be done by Newt Gingrich.