This Week's Picks

It is finally here: another season of “Dancing With The Stars”, which I can proudly say I have only watched four minutes off in its 1200 seasons. This season’s “The Stars” included Nancy Grace and Chaz (formerly Chastity) Bono. My son, the former sixth string wing back of the Kennesaw Mountain Mustangs (Ben Manis #38) can do a great Nancy Grace impression, complete with nostril flare. So remember that when you tell me about your twelve year old kid on the Dean’s List at MIT. I’m not sure why America wants to see Chaz Bono dance. That is why America needs This Week’s Picks now more than ever. It is either TWP or watch the misbegotten offspring of Sonny and Cher do The Watusi.

This Week’s Picks!

Murray State vs. Lousyville: College Football knows how to get their party started! Murray State is in Murray, Kentucky which is somewhere in the United States. It is also the home of “The Pullen Farm” which is party central in Murray, Kentucky. Louisville looks like it is getting back to its Bobby Petrino days: a good stepping stone to somewhere else. The Cardinals win.

Do Not Amount to Much vs. Bees: Georgia Tech has been running commercials featuring highlights from 2009, which is a good idea because 2010 stunk up the joint. Western Carolina’s punter is the son of my son’s fourth grade baseball coach. Really. Unfortunately, this is a money game for Western Carolina, which is Tech coach Paul Johnson’s alma mater. He was WCU’s Mr. Personality in 1978. Bees buzz and win the game.

Amorous Frogs vs. Baptist Bears: TCU was the feel good story of the year while Baylor has never felt good. TCU keeps on winning, Baylor keeps on losing.

Blue Horses vs. Bulldawgies. For the first time in human history, thanks to Nike, both schools will be wearing uniforms that will give you severe motion sickness. This is a big game for both teams. For Boise State, a win means Kirk Herbstreit will mention Boise State every ten minutes, whether if he is broadcasting or not. (“How would you like your eggs, Mr. Herbstreit?” “Boise State!”) It also means a possible chance at the National Championship, which is as likely as Chaz Bono winning “Dancing With The Stars" and the Iowa Republican Caucus. For Georgia, a win means Jesus loves them. Hallelujah! Dawgs win!

Quacks vs. Go In Dumb Come Out Dumb Too: This is LSU Coach Les Miles' game plan: Make Oregon believe that Jordan Jefferson was going to be the major factor in the game that for some reason is being played in Dallas. Then, he convinces Jefferson to show major state university football team leadership by kicking somebody in the head in a bar fight. That means Jefferson’s out and Jarrett Lee is the quarterback. Like all of Les Miles’ hairbrained schemes, this one will pan out with Lee eventually winning the Heisman Trophy and an Oscar. Tigers win.

Georgia Southern vs. Sam Ford: Last year, the Eagles made the FCS playoffs, which included a game at William and Mary during finals. Of course, the bass player for my son’s band (The Rolling Stones) went to the game. The Eagles won the game. He skipped the game after the finals and GSU lost. It is not known if Chad Hester will make it to Birmingham for this game. It won’t matter, the Eagles win.

Birmingham-Southern vs. LaGrange: Our old buddy Cole Rudder plays for the Birmingham-Southern Panthers and they face off against the LaGrange Panthers. You know what I say every year: the Panthers win.