What Is The President?

President Barack Delano Kennedy Obama has been President for almost two years and the American people are still confused over his religious status.

Is President Obama a Moosalem? Or is President Obama a Muzzelem? President Obama describes himself as a Christian and even at one time made it to church on the occasional Sunday morning when his Pastor, who many theologians describe using the theological term of “nut” was not railing against various things the Man was doing to keep the People down.

The White House recently issued a statement about the President’s faith.

“When not being the greatest person ever(!) The President prays to the Big Cheese upstairs. Additionally, The President has a purpose driven life and has met Rick Warren, who prayed at the inaugural. The President also bought an Amy Grant cassette tape when he was in college and it is around here somewhere”.

Humor Me has contacted the leading observers of Religion in America and the general consensus is that President Obama is a Christian, but belongs to a new Christian sect called The Obamaterians.

This is a group that holds to many of the Christian traditions, like having the day off for Christmas and the week or so before Labor Day. However, this group has many rituals and beliefs which differ from Evangelical and/or Mainstream Christianity.

The Obamaterians believe that Sunday is the Lord’s Day and it should be celebrated with the Lord’s Game: Golf. Instead of the Lord’s Supper, Obamaterians have the “Blessed Dessert”: Ice Cream.

Obamaterians believe that one must talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk to express themselves for the Lord loves a “Chatty Kathy”, who is one of their patron saints. Along with this, Obamaterians believe it is important to hear the President speak on a wide range of issues, especially the NCAA Basketball Tournament.

Obamaterians believe in a personal devil. His name is Glenn Beck and he is aided by all of the other little imps on talk radio. Sometimes this devil enlarges and changes his name to Rush Limbaugh and talks almost as long as the Obamaterians do.

Obamaterians believe that raising taxes is a good thing because that way everybody gets to contribute.

One remarkable facet of Obamaterianism is their belief that they are always right and if you disagree with them, even over a non-doctrinal issue like wearing a Chicago White Sox hat when you are throwing out the first pitch at a Washington Nationals game, you are obviously mentally ill or a storm trooping Nazi KKK bigot.

Obamaterians tend to be very wealthy. They can be found on Wall Street,in law offices, and in the American entertainment industry. There is also a passionate class of Obamaterians that are not wealthy and are somehow under the belief that the President will pay their mortgages and their car notes. So far this as not happened.

The words most often heard in the Obamaterian Church are “hope” and “change”. The responsive readings include this line, “We hope the economy changes for the better so we can keep our jobs”.