Parent Discussion: On Colleges

It is that time of year when high school seniors are learning if the work (if any) that they did in the three years previously in high school (right) will get them into the college of their choice.

The college of their choice is always some place else. Another city, another state, another country, another planet (“Dad, Mars has some of the best facilities to study red dust in the solar system”). The one thing the college of their choice has in common with all of the other colleges of other kids is that it literally costs an arm and a leg to pay for it. Unless they give you scholarships, which sounds good but often times ends up being no big whoop, like the Camden County Toastmasters Scholarship-$100.00 a school year. This means they give you $50.00 a semester. So your bill of $12,000.00 a semester is now $11,950.00. Welcome to college. (Oh yeah, I'm not including books, meals, the various do-dad fees, and of course, spirit wear)

I’m going to let you in on a dirty little secret. It really doesn’t matter that much where they go to school. What matters is that they join a fraternity or sorority.

Ha! Just a little of that college humor. As far what they learn, it is true that when you pick out a college, you are picking out a name just as much as you are anything else.

Now granted, if you go to an Ivy League school, that will mean a whole lot more than going to my alma momma Kennesaw State University (Home of The Fighting Owls) when you go apply for job. However, once you get the job, if you call in sick every other day, work on Facebook more than your assignment or get into political discussions with your boss, no diploma is going to help you.

My son is a college freshman, so last year I’ve become reacquainted with the college process. Most boys choose a college on the basis of the football team.

I cannot describe the importance of going to a school that has a football team. When I was at Kennesaw, it did not even have a basketball team. There is something about football which gives a school an identity. However, the one good thing about a no football team college is that you can be a fan of another school. In fact, I think a majority of fans of the various SEC football teams have never stepped foot in their favorite team's classroom. Just like the players.

On the other hand, girls, who let’s face it are light years ahead of boys in maturity, brains, color co-ordination, etc, choose colleges on the basis of academic reputation.

Hate to break it to you Mom, but them ain’t boys lifting up their shirts going “whooo”. Girls tend to go where their friends are going so they all can search for romance together, somehow get a degree, and become the President of company that builds houses for homeless widows and rabbits. And a place where they can drink and get pooped faced with the boys.

Having said all of that, there are lots of colleges/universities out there.

The Large State University

Every state has one or two large state universities. These schools are massive entities unto themselves that have their own personality and traditions. They usually don’t cost as much as a private college but they have large classes and often the dorms (like at the University of Georgia) are dumps. But, they usually have good food and rock bands (my favorite name of a college band: The Shut Ups). You don’t have to explain where you went to school. If you say, “Illinois” people have an idea of your academic background versus going to ‘Northwest New Hampshire Polytechnic State College and University'.

The Directional State University

Every state has a university that somehow has a direction in the name and is an up and coming college. Southern Mississippi. East Carolina. Western Michigan. My son goes to Georgia Southern.

When I was going to college, Georgia Southern had a reputation of being a party school, kind of like a chicken fried Animal House. I’m happy to say that after all of these years, it still has that reputation. I mean, the motto on the school seal is “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” (rim shot).

The truth is (Mom, sit down), all colleges are party schools to one degree or another. I have a friend of mine that went to Georgia Tech (a really hard college that enjoys torturing its students) tell me that he was walking down North Avenue when right in front of him was a splat of human vomit. He looked up and there was a fellow student up in a tree (this was when they still had trees on North Avenue) that had delivered the payload of throw up.

I told my son that I was quite aware of the legends of Georgia Southern parties. I’ve heard alums tell me things that I hope Jesus didn’t see. But I told him that college always looks fun. That’s how they market colleges: Come build your future and have fun doing it. But the fact of the matter is that if you are at Georgia Southern or Georgia Tech or wherever, if you don’t do your work, you are going to flunk out.


Next time: Other Types of Colleges