Welcome once again "Like It Or Lump It," in which we recap a new series on one of the streaming services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Peacock, Hulu, Paramount Plus, Paramount Minus, Apple, Disney +, Pluto, Uranus, Philo, Sling, Slang, Slung, Tubi, Doobie, Doo, et al.
Today we look at "Citadel" starring Priyanka Chopra Jonas as Special Agent Bosoms and Richard Madden as Special Agent Butch Deadlift. I never heard of them either, but they are the stars here.
"Citadel" is a secret international organization that isn’t loyal to any nation—rather, it exists in the shadows to protect all of humanity from Republicans. Citadel's office is in a super secret location on the side of a mountain in Utah because nobody would ever think to look in Utah.
Their boss is Bald Man, who is smart because he has no hair. But listen buddy; grass doesn't grow on a busy street.
The show starts on a train passing through the Italian Alps, where Agent Bosoms and Deadlift are assigned to track down a Russian carrying some uranium that would hurt all of humankind.
One thing leads to another, and soon a massive gun battle and brawl take place on the train. Sort of like an all-night IHOP at 2:00 in the morning.
Well, you know how Russians are. The Russian detonates a bomb. Somehow both Agent Bosoms and Deadlift survive the explosion.
There is a time jump, eight years into the future, and Agent Deadlift lives on a farm in rural Oregon, although it is unclear what he does for a living. He is married to Mrs. Deadlift and they have a daughter, Missy Deadlift.
He has no memory of his Citadel days or Agent Bosoms. He's a happy guy with a happy family and happy he doesn't live in Portland.
Bald Man kidnaps Agent Deadlift to retrieve a case containing nuclear codes before it falls into Manticore’s hands.
Manticore is the E-VIL rival to Citadel. Manticore is an infamous syndicate whose members manipulate world events to accrue more wealth and power among themselves. Then they sit around the table and laugh about how much wealth and power they have.
The head of Manticore is a British woman who says terrible cuss words in a British accent. Hey, it is a pressure-filled job, and a gal has to blow off some steam.
Meanwhile, Agent Bosoms works in an upscale restaurant in Spain. Again, it is not really clear what she does in the restaurant except stand around and look hot. If you can get paid for it, more power to you.
Bald Man instructs Deadlift to find Agent Bosoms so they can foil the dastardly schemes of Manticore and their potty-mouthed British Woman boss.
In the following adventures, we learn that Bosoms and Deadlift were once "lovahs," and Bosoms gave birth to a baby girl. Deadlift was so infatuated that he gave Bosoms an engagement ring which she turned down.
There are several million action scenes that are really well done if you don't understand what a bullet can do to the human body.
There are lots of punches. Lots of jumping out of planes. Lots of standing on submarines in the middle of the ocean.
Agent Bosoms is easy on the eyes but she can punch like a man. Agent Deadlift is handsome, but it doesn't seem like his Happy Meal has many French fries. Bald Man Boss is shot with a high-powered rifle but somehow survives, which you gives him some serious bald man cred.
There are some surprises. Mrs. Deadlift turns out to have been a former Citadel agent. Manticore's boss has a connection to Deadlift that I cannot reveal without violating the 2017 No Spoilers And Debt Limit Extension Act.
"Citadel" is a good action series that doesn't make much sense. The action scenes are well choreographed. The dialogue is stupid, and there are the obligatory swear words.
If I had to choose, I say....Like It, but I'm easy to please.
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