I haven't checked the reviews of the boffo megahit movie Top Gun Maverick, but I am willing to bet somebody wrote, "catch a ride to the Danger Zone and see Tom Cruise in Top Gun: Maverick."
Mrs. Blog and I went to a local theater in Acworthsaw or Kenneworth (that area on Cobb Parkway that is sort of Kennesaw and sort of Acworth) to see Top Gun: Maverick mainly because all our friends said it was cool.
When we got to the theater, we saw there was a gang there: Red Hat Ladies.
These are members of a global organization that changes women's lives every day by wearing red hats and walking around naked in public.
Just kidding about the naked part. It is a "playgroup" for older women who have given all of their lives to the ungrateful group known as "their family" and now want to have some fun with other gals. Men have something similar but it is called "a bar" where they go and "drink".
Because this is the modern age, we had to choose our seats before buying our tickets. There were only two seats next to each other that were not in the front of the auditorium. Believe me, you do not want to sit that close to the screen for this movie.
We found our seats thirty minutes before the movie was about to start. We were the only ones there.
Soon, however, the Red Hat Ladies started strolling in to find their seats. You can imagine fourteen elderly women trying to find their seats and hold on to their popcorn. Part of this play date was everyone telling everybody else they were sitting in the wrong seats.
Soon after a series of commercials featuring people telling you to go to the doctor, the "previews" or "trailers" started. First, there was a preview of a movie about Thor, which for some reason, my wife liked, and a preview of a film about Elvis, which has Tom Hanks playing Col. Tom Parker.
Before the movie started, we were treated to an address by Tom Cruise, who thanked us for coming to the theater to see the movie. Imagine Hollywood thanking their customers for seeing a movie instead of going into lecture mode and telling them they are a bunch of redneck mouth breathers.
One guy in front of me said, "Thanks, Tom Cruise". The Red Hat Ladies blew Tom kisses.
In Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise reprises his role as "Actor People Like" in the sequel of a movie made in the mid-80s. Ah yes, in the mid-'80s when people listened to Kenny Loggins records. Today, he would have been named Lil KenLo, and "Danger Zone" would have featured a ten-minute rap about what he is wearing in the jet.
If you remember the original Top Gun, you remember that Tom Cruise played a cocky Navy fighter pilot that liked to break the rules and cut footloose with an Amish civilian instructor. In between, his flight antics were partly responsible for the death of Meg Ryan's husband, Goose.
In Top Gun: Maverick, Maverick is still breaking all the rules and crashing airplanes. So, the Navy decides to send him to TOP GUN school so he can teach the newest generation of douches Top Gun pilots
Things have changed in Fighter Town. The commander is Admiral Don Draper. He doesn't like Maverick because he is almost as good-looking.
You'll be happy to know the douches pilots are diverse and it even includes a guy wearing glasses. I didn't think guys with glasses could become pilots.
They still have their call signs. One is "Gender Equity". Another is "Binary". But the most interesting one is "Goose's Son" played by a guy that looks like Goose. OMG!
Maverick trains the pilots how to use The Force. Strike that, wrong sequel. He trains the pilots on this very difficult assignment that has no chance of success.
In between, Maverick reignites a love affair with someone he met after the Amish civilian instructor (the actress had the nerve to grow older and fatter). The new love is Jennifer Connelly, who is easy on the eyes. When Tom and Jennifer started to get it on, several of the Red Hat ladies passed out from the vapors.
Top Gun: Maverick is a very enjoyable movie. It won't win awards but it is a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
A word of warning: Do not get a big soft drink before the movie or you'll be running with the Red Hat ladies to bathroom when it is over.
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