Signs Breaks My Mind

Gather round and allow me to rant about something that has been bothering me for over 40 years.

The song "Signs" by the musical group Five Man Electrical Band.

In case you are not in your fifties, "Signs" was a huge hit. It was almost as omnipresent as "Joy To The World". You can tell the age of a person if you walk up to him and say "Jeremiah was a....." and if the person answers "bullfrog", you know they are somewhere in their fifties.

Now, this "bullfrog" was a "good friend of mine" and I never understood a single word he said.  Another word for him would be engineer.

"Joy To The World" might have been silly. "Signs" is just stupid.

First Verse

 And the sign said, "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said, "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat, I said, "Imagine that, huh, me workin' for you"

This song came out when young men were growing their hair out like Bruce Jenner. You would not believe how controversial this was.  You had all of these long haired freaky people walking around telling you not to judge long haired freaky people.

Here was a small businessman who wanted to make a good impression on his customers and not offend anyone.  But, the narrator of this song is a preachy long-haired freaky person and instead of finding another job where they like long-haired freaky people he decides to commit fraud so he can make his point that this guy is a hair bigot. Or a hairaphobe. Or hair hater.

In 2015, this guy would have been the recipient of a lot of mean tweets, #hairhater, #hairaphobe.
 

The chorus

 Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Wikipedia says the lyrics "seem to show an extreme level of frustration with the omnipresent, authoritative symbols employed by governments, institutions, and religion to commit society to a "conform or pay the price" system of control".  I would add the lyrics shows a lack of perspective.

Of all the bad things in the world today like childhood cancer, poverty, war, famine, etc., what breaks the singer's mind are signs?  This doesn't make any sense.

There is a certain Libertarian element to the chorus. Libertarians are always using the argument, which is good sometimes about the intrusiveness of government. "If I want to drive my car at 100mph, drinking a martini with a heroin needle in my arm that's my business--not the government's".  But you have to have signs, or people would spend hours trying to push the door open when you have to pull it.

The second verse

And the sign said, Anybody caught trespassin' would be shot on sight
So, I jumped on the fence and yelled at the house
"Hey, what gives you the right?
To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in
If God was here, He'd tell you to your face, man, you're some kinda sinner"

Granted, shooting a trespasser on sight is kind of harsh, but again, the singer cannot resist a sermon.

"Hey, what gives you the right?"  Oh, I don't know, the DEED of the property, maybe. Several hundred years of common law.

My question back to the singer: since you brought up God, where does he say  that I can't put up a fence? As we Baptists say, what Bible is that in? Nowhere did Jesus ever say, " Blessed are the trespassers, because it is cool".

The break

Now, hey you, Mister, can't you read?
You've got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't even watch, no you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be here
The sign said, You got to have a membership card to get inside, ugh

Here the singer again gets mad because somebody has something that he doesn't: a shirt, a tie, and a membership card. Maybe if he got a haircut, he could get a good job and be able to afford that restaurant. No, he'd rather complain "You got to have a membership card to get inside" and then emit a noise which sounds like he is passing a pineapple.

The last stupid verse

And the sign said, "Everybody welcome, come in, kneel down and pray"
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all
I didn't have a penny to pay
So, I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign
I said, "Thank you, Lord, for thinkin' 'bout me, I'm alive and doin' fine.

Was anybody surprised that this guy didn't have any money for the offering?  No, he spends his time giving sermons about hair to people that might give him a job. His own little sign probably wouldn't feed a lot of widows and orphans.

However, the good news is, according to The Ottawa Sun, Les Emmerson (who wrote "Signs") earns enough money from royalties of "Signs" that he has an average lifestyle without working. Which means he's alive and doin' fine.