What Men Really Think

Do not let anyone tell you that the internet is not helpful. There is a website called What Do Men Really Think.com. This website states it offers "advice on love and attraction, dating and marriage".

The home page of this website is very instructive. It has several links which give important love, attraction, dating and marriage advice. Such as: "Top Ten Cute Nicknames Men Love".  One cute nickname is "Cuddle Cakes". I've been married for almost twenty nine years and I have no idea what that means. If my wife called me "Cuddle Cakes", I'd think she's making a crack about my weight.

I can verify that men do love cute nicknames. Which is better than the usual nicknames our loves call us like "Noisemaker", "Flush The Toilet, Why Don't You", "Limpy" and, of course, a name that rhymes with "Gas Pole".

Here was something I found interesting. They had a "tip" section for creating a nickname. That says more about the American educational system than any SAT score. It says, "You can make a nickname out of his name, but be careful as some guys might find it offending. For example, Miggy for Miguel and Jake, Jakey for Jacob and Dally for Dallas".  But the writer goes on to say this: "You can also consider a combination like 'Ally Bear' or 'Ally Poo' for Alex and 'Andy Roo' for Andrew." 

For the record, my closest, oldest friends call me "Poo" for "Ally Poo" which was given to me by my college roommate. It was an experimental time.

The problem with the nickname "Poo" is "Poo" is now a term for excrement. Girls, you might want to wait on nicknaming your boyfriend something that reminds others of feces until after you break up with him.

Inside The Male Brain

One link is titled "How To Know If A Man Is Checking You Out."  Again, don't mothers teach this to their daughters?

One tip: "He Stares At You". Great, this guy is either the love of your life or a psychotic axe murderer.

Another tip: "He Is In Awe Of You". The writer says, "Guys do get awe struck when they see a beautiful girl in their vicinity. It is quite common for them to gawk with an expression that says “wow”. It’s almost like he is in a trance, because as soon as you look at him directly he will snap out of it and almost look embarrassed. Most guys don’t have the ability to stay conscious when they are struck by the attractiveness of the opposite sex – so they just go blank for a while and stare like a sheep".

Just a word, ladies. The fellow described in the paragraph above may have a medical problem.

To make this article fun, I've added the letter "r" and the word "breasts" at the end of each tip. "He Stares At Your Breasts", "He Is In Awe Of Your Breasts", etc.

Hey, I'm just cutting to the chase ladies. I have been a man all of my life and that's about all men think about.

I am not exaggerating but men think on a constant basis about every women they have ever seen topless and this includes pictures in National Geographic.

Not all men are obsessed with breasts. We call these men "deceased".

Besides breasts is there anything else men think about? Why, yes, thanks for asking.

Men think about sports. A lot. They have very passionate feelings about sports. I once worked with two guys that got into a shouting match over the best defensive back in the NFL. It was during the off-season.

Men think about their job. Mainly how much they hate their job and wish there was some job out there where you could just sit around and do nothing. Like they did when they were teenagers and didn't have girls looking at the internet wondering what is on their minds.

Men think about traffic. I obsess over traffic and how I wish everyone would just stay home and let me drive.

They think about other men. They place other men into three categories: "I like him", "He's okay" and "I hate his guts".

That's about it. Just remember gals, you're not dealing with an highly evolved intelligent creature. You're dealing with a man. You may want to smack him in the nose with a newspaper.