As an ongoing public service, here is The Affordable Care Act Answer Man, the man with all of your Affordable Care Act answers that are current, at this present time, which might or might not be in effect depending upon The President’s poll numbers.
Will Healthcare Insurance Coverage become affordable? Yes, it is in the name of the law “The Affordable Care Act”. DUH. This how Health Insurance works. People (members) pay a fee (premium) to be a policy holder in a health insurance plan so when they do have an illness, like their legs being too hot to touch, as the Answer Man once saw during his career in health insurance. Incidentally, this incident (claim) was denied because hot legs were not covered under this insurance plan and this member had to pay for their hot legs out of pocket and is probably homeless at this moment. The Affordable Care Act will provide affordable coverage so our fellow Americans with hot legs will no longer have to go bankrupt to pay for their hot legs.
That’s funny because my policy this year was $150.00 a month and next year it is going to be $408,555,755.00 a month. That is because your old policy was, in insurance terminology, a long tube of fecal matter. Your new super-duper health insurance covers everything, including certain cosmetic surgeries, your 24 year old Art major college sophomore and her cat.
What are some the Essential Health Benefits of The Affordable Care Act? It pays for everything. Don’t worry about it. You are now free to live your life. You can now go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do with whoever you want to do it with.
What are my free preventive services that I don’t have to pay for? It pays for diet counseling. In case you haven't noticed, our country is now a country of fatties. The United States will now pay for a counselor to tell you to put down that Pop Tart and go outside for a walk. If we can put a man on the moon, we can put you back into a pair 34 inch waist jeans. It also pays for Tobacco Screening, just in case you don’t know if you are a cigarette smoker.
What are my birth control benefits? You get a poster of Harry Reid to put on your bedroom wall. That should get you out of the mood.
Why did insurance companies use “pre-existing conditions” to deny people coverage? Because they were mean and they hated people. It has nothing to do with the fact that all insurance is based on one word, "risk", and that there is more "risk" involved with health insurance than in any other type of insurance.
What is it with the website? The internet is part of the magical information super highway and it is very difficult to understand. Try dragging your mouse while you are standing on your chair and hit the side of your computer a couple of times. It might work then. If not, please feel free to call our
The President said if I liked my policy, I could keep it. Period. Now I have found that my insurance policy has been canceled. What gives? Look, the President says a lot of things and you can’t hold him to a promise he made on his signature legislation. It was not the President’s intention to have your insurance policy canceled. He was as surprised as your were. Really. No joke (suddenly the Affordable Care Act Answer Man looks up into the air and starts to whistle)
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