Okay, I was wrong. I said that Mitt Romney would select Senator Marco Rubio as his running mate (Humor Me: May 30, 2012). I wrote, “The name that everyone talks about is Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida. He is young, bright, and articulate: in other words, everything Joe Biden is not. On the down side, he is not that well known and some people think he is a game kids play at the pool (“Marco” “Rubio”; “Marco” Rubio”)” [Look, I know it is vain to quote yourself in your own blog. But, I’m cool with it.]
Hey, at least I got the letter of the last name right: Romney went with Paul Ryan, the Congressman from Wisconsin who apparently is one of those Republicans that’s handy with a calculator. He wrote the House Budget, which recommends throwing old people off of cliffs to save Medicare. This is more than the Senate Democrats have done, which is to focus their laser like attention to Mitt Romney and his amazing ability never to have paid any tax (including sales tax) in his life due to his super Mormon mojo. (“Look into my eyes…do not add 7% to my grocery receipt..”)
Ryan poses an interesting problem for Democrats. The template Democrats have used nationally to describe Republicans is that Republicans are D-U-M dumb. This goes back at least 60 years to the Eisenhower-Stevenson race in which the man that liberated Europe was presented as a total doofus compared to the intellectual from Libertyville. (Man, that Liberal Arts degree sure comes in handy when writing a humor blog). Reagan, of course, was stupid. So was Dad Bush. We thought Kid Bush took stupid to a whole new level until we met Sarah Palin, who acted like reading was a chore.
Ryan, as even Maureen Dowd would admit, is not stupid. In fact, he seems almost as smart as a Democrat. How will Democrats negatively portray this Republican? Don’t worry, the Democrats have it all figured out: they’ll just say anything that pops into their heads. They have political Tourette Syndrome-out of nowhere they’ll start blurting out all sorts of charges and claims that do not make a lot of sense.
Already, Team Obama has accused Mitt Romney of being a felon. Last week, a Super PAC headed by former Deputy Press Secretary Bill Burton, ran an ad that held Romney responsible for the cancer death of a Steel Worker’s wife because, well, Romney’s company once owned the steel mill but then closed it after Romney left Bain Capital but that doesn’t matter because she died and he didn’t care. On the floor of the Senate, Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid said that “someone” told him that Romney had not paid any income tax in 10 years. I would think that would qualify Romney to be the Secretary of The Treasury if that was true. Even Vice President Biden has gotten in on the act by saying that Romney’s banking policies would lead to a return of slavery (“They’re going to put y’all back in chains”). They’re trying to turn Donny Osmond into a Latter Day Snidely Whiplash
If Democrats can throw this type of mud at a Mormon, think what they’ll throw at Ryan. Al Sharpton (okay, I know he’s not a head of a think tank) made a gigantic big deal over Ryan’s PX90 body (he’s too busy working out). Chris Matthews is having the vapors that Ryan read Ayn Rand as a teenager. Last time, the scandal was the VP candidate didn’t read newspapers.
I fully expect to see a Super PAC ad saying “Mitt Romney and his kitty killer running mate, Paul Ryan, wants to make your Grandmother eat a can of Fancy Feast while they push her wheelchair off of a cliff after shooting her with an assault rifle. Then Paul Ryan will go back to her house, put all of her little kittens in a paper bag, soak the paper bag in lighter fluid and put a match to it. Then he’ll steal her car and meet up with Romney at Chick-fil-A and have a chicken hate sandwich”.
The problem for the Republicans is that old adage: “Never wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy and the pig enjoys it”. Right now, the pig is enjoying it too much.
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