It's (Almost) All Over Now, Baby Blue

There was another GOP debate the other night. This one was held in New Hampshire and the gimmick in this one was, get ready, all of the candidates were seated at a table. Man, didn’t see that coming. I remember one time I saw a debate in which the candidates were sitting at a desk. But a table? Whoa, that’s an innovation.

Here is a quick rundown on each candidate and their performance

•Jon Huntsman: Of all the candidates I have watched in the past thirty some odd years, Huntsman is one of the oddest. It is like you take all of the annoying people from high school and mold it into one person-that’s Jon Huntsman. He’s one of those guys that thinks he is funny, but he is not. He lifted the joke about Cain’s “9-9-9” plan from Karl Rove (that’s who you’re going to for your jokes: Karl Rove) and it wasn’t that funny to begin with. I have the feeling he is running for President just so he can tell people he can speak Chinese.


•Michelle Bachman: Kudos to Bachman; she found another way to remind us that she is the mother of 28 children (“Five biological, twenty three foster”). She looked better with her hair pulled back. She brought out a fact about some tax that has just expired that was started around The Spanish-American War (which Ron Paul voted against!). She has an odd laugh that sounds like a goose heading South for the winter. She seems to think you should look at a plan upside down to see if Satan is in it.


•Rick Perry: The good news of his performance was that he did not tell the American people they were heartless if they didn’t think children of illegal aliens deserved in-state tuition. The bad part is that he looked like uncomfortable most of the time, like the Jock accidentally put in an Advanced Placement class. He looked like he would rather be eating wings at Hooters.


•Herman Cain: Earned the coveted “Next to Mitt in the Middle” seat by being the Non-Romney du jour. He had a good line about being “po” . His argument for his “9-9-9” plan is: it is simple and it will work. I will say this, he knows how to sell a plan. Maybe if Obama worked in a store, he would understand how the economy works.

•Mitt Romney: He hasn’t simply won every debate so far. He has dominated the debates. He is quick on his feet and intelligent. You won’t have to worry about gravitas with Romney. He is a much better candidate this time that he was four years ago. Get used to saying “President Romney”. Just like I said last year (Humor Me: June 8, 2010)

•Ron Paul: Here is my prejudice about Ron Paul.Ron Paul represents the dumb-dumb brand of Libertarianism. Libertarianism used to be about minding your own business. Now, apparently, it is all about “The Fed” and being able to smoke dope.He just seems like an odd bird.


•Newt Gingrich: If Gingrich was not a thrice married relic of the 80’s and 90’s, he would be a major player. He is still like the good professor in college who is always coming with new and interesting lectures. Unlike our current professor in The White House who gives the same old lecture all the time. (Answer to any question: Millionaires and Billionaires)

• Rick Santorum: Santorum spends a good bit of time complaining that nobody asks him any questions. He seems just as smart as Bachman and Huntsman. He hit Cain hard with some good questions. Just doesn’t connect with people. Maybe if he would just make a pizza.