Eulogy

I was privileged to give the Eulogy at my mother-in-law's funeral. Please allow me to share it with you. I promise the funny stuff will come back next week.

It is a testimony of Mrs. Stanley’s character to have a son-in-law give her eulogy. I have never had any issues with her. In fact, I’ve known her since I was seven years old. She was a friend of my mother. Mom used to say, “I really like Mary”-just like everyone else because she was impossible to dislike. She treated me like I was one of her own. You could not have a better mother-in-law.

When Mr. Stanley asked me to “say a few words”, I jumped at the chance. How could I not talk about a subject I know so well? Additionally, with the exception of the “Grandson-in law”, I’m the only one in the family that has any public speaking experience since I teach the 9th grade Sunday School class at Roswell Street Baptist Church. I appreciate any opportunity to speak any place where I am not the oldest one in the room.

Mary Stanley was excellent with numbers. She probably could have been an accountant. She taught Lori how to make and keep a budget. Because of that, thankfully, we have lived comfortably within our means.

She was also very good with puzzles. Up until the end she was still helping Pogie (Lori’s dad) with the crossword puzzle in the Marietta Daily Journal. One of her favorite TV shows was “Wheel of Fortune” and I have never seen anyone solve a puzzle so quickly. There would be one “M” on the board and she would say: “America, The Beautiful” or the letter “B” would appear twice on the board and she would say: “Bless the beasts and the children” and she would be right!

While Mrs. Stanley was a person of great Christian faith, she was just a little bit superstitious. When Lori and I got married, the Stanleys gave us a couch that was a sleeper-sofa. During the move to our first apartment, a box of my baseball caps (I collect baseball caps) was put on the couch. Mary had a running duck fit when she saw this box marked “baseball caps” because hats on a bed bring “bad luck”. I told Lori that it really wasn’t a bed so “bad luck” should cut us some slack. However, I did work 17 years processing health insurance claims, so she may have been right.

Sometimes she would surprise you. For those of you that do not know, Wayne Clancy (Pop) and I became friends while his grandson (whose Dad was a neighbor of mine in Beverly Hills) and Ben played football together. We would sit and watch the practices and this led Pop to joining our church and soon he became friends with Lori’s parents.

One time, Lori’s parents had us and Pop over for an after church meal. As often the case with older people, the conversation began centering around what they did “in the old days”. Out of the blue, Mary said, “Wayne, Wayne. Did you ever smoke rabbit tobacco? Now that was a good smoke!”

For Mrs. Stanley, family was the most important thing. When I informed her that I was going to marry Lori, she told me: “Alan, never ever do anything that would come between Lori and her family”. I’m happy to say that I haven’t.

Incidentally, she loved our cat, Gracie. Gracie is your basic house cat that we got Ben when he was in First Grade and here he is a Junior in college and she is still with us. For some reason, Lori began giving Mary cards and presents from Gracie. Mary thought this was so funny and looked forward to her “Gracie” cards. (By the way, Brown children, a couple of Christmases ago, you got presents from Gracie. You know that was from us..right? Gracie does not have any income.) Last week was Mary’s final birthday and we took Gracie to see her along with a birthday card from Gracie.

The last year of Mrs.Stanley’s life was very difficult. First, Mr. Stanley was for time in the hospital in ICU. In October, she suffered stroke while pulling weeds, fell and broke a rib. This led to a hospitalization which foreshadowed the future because she became very confused. Afterward, she was so worried that she might have done something embarrassing or said some inappropriate. She hadn’t.

After this hospitalization, we had to explain to her that Lori has been diagnosed with an Invasive Ductal Carcinoma tumor and would need surgery. As Lori’s surgery approached, Mr.Stanley had to be place back into the hospital. All this time, Mrs. Stanley was in great physical pain due to various ailments. A few days after Lori’s last radiation treatment, Mrs. Stanley went into the hospital for the emergency surgery from which she would never recover.

Mary loved her friends. She loved all of the people at the East Marietta Christian Church, Lost Mountain Christian Church, and Roswell Street Baptist Church. She loved to “tell the old, old story of Jesus and his love”. Then the “some sweet day” she finally sang that “song of victory”.

Last night, after we left visitation, Lori commented that she couldn’t believe her mom was gone. We were all blessed to have Mrs. Stanley around as long was we did. 82 years is nothing to sneeze at. Even though she is gone, I can look at all of her children, grandchildren, and now, great grandchildren and see her qualities and attributes. It reminds me of a song that said: “I’ll see you in the skies above, in the tall grass, in the ones I love”. Mary Stanley left a legacy of kindness and faith. We would all be better to have people see that in us.