The Pony Tail Primary

Do you feel the excitement about Georgia’s election primary? Do you? Wake up! We’re supposed to vote on who will be the nominee in either the Democratic or the Republican Party in November for the various state offices.

As far as I can tell, there has been absolutely no buzz about this election. In fact, the only thing that is really going on is the four thousand “robo” calls a day that voters are receiving. I received one from Newt Gingrich asking me to vote for a local state Senator.

Getting a former Speaker of The United States House of Representatives robo calling was pretty impressive, considering the hot water this state Senator was in because of an underage beer bash that the cops raided and he tried to save the day with a ‘do you know who I am?’ rant at the police. Turns out, nobody knew who he was because, he is a state Senator.

Not that his opponent is that much better. His opponent is somebody who apparently is the second perfect individual that has ever lived on this planet, at least according to the local paper, The Marietta Daily Journal.

Speaking of the MDJ, when not spreading the word about how great this gentleman is, they are using their Journalist Investigation Badges on a school board race where one candidate has out of state car tags on his cars. Considerable ink has been used exposing this criminal thuggish behavior while saying nary a word about this gentleman’s pony tail.

That’s right, the candidate is a gentleman, a Republican gentleman at that, and he has a pony tail. I could accept that on a Libertarian candidate. But on a Republican candidate it seems a little weird to me. I can’t imagine Bob Dole running for President with a pony tail or George Herbert Walker Bush with a mullet. (Although, I could imagine George W. Bush with mutton chop sideburns, but that is far as it goes.)

This school board candidate is also one of those guys that have a thousand different businesses and it is not clear if any of them make any money. He is currently employed by his wife’s company, which evidently does not have a professional dress code that excludes middle age men’s pony tails.

His opponent is one of Cobb County’s professional full time education activists and at present time has the proper state car tags on her cars. Her profession is “event planner”, which, as she explained in a multi-page interview, involves planning events. At the current time, she in not employed by any of the major or minor event planning firms. She is, oddly enough, one of the numerous “guest” columnists of the MDJ that writes exclusively about the Cobb County Board Of Education.

Due to the Woodward and Bernstein investigation of the Pony Tail Man’s car tags, this little fact has been left out of articles about this race. It seems like this is a rather important matter to point out to your readers. The only thing I can say to the people of this district when it comes time to vote: good luck because you are going to need it.