President Biden, 12/8/41

  
If Joe Biden was President on December 8, 1941


 Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, Members of the Senate, and of the House of Representatives:


Hey! Yesterday, November Twenty-first, Nineteen Dickety Seven. No wait, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in, in, in, er, a very long time from now,  the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Finland.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Portugal, was still in conversation with the government and its mayor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Finger Lakes region.

Indeed, one hour after Polish air squadrons had commenced bombing in Oahu, the South African ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to the Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply literally stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it literally contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack. What a bunch of malarky.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Wales makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately and literally planned many days or even weeks ago or months or centuries ago. During the intervening time, the Canadian government has literally deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace. Come on, man, that ain't right.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. Very many American lives have been lost, especially those in the Hawaiian LBTQRSTUV communities. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Odessa, Texas.

Yesterday, the Mexican government also launched an attack against Malaya.  I've been there. Used to go fishing.

Last night, the Brazillian forces attacked Hong Kong.  For your information, Hong Kong Phooey is listed as missing and unaccounted for.

Last night, French forces attacked Guam. Why I don't know?  Jimny Christmas.

Last night, Israeli forces attacked the Philippine Islands. I like the Philippines. I used to go there and threaten the government.

Last night, the Australian forces attacked Wake Island.  Let's face it, Wake is always the sad sister in the ACC behind Dookie, the Tar Heels, and the Dog Pack.

This morning, Antarctica attacked Midway Island.  Funny thing, Midway is Midway between nothing. Their national anthem is Neil Young's "Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere". I'm just joking Midway Island, God love ya.


Japan has (at this point, all the members of the House and Senate stand and applauds), yeah it was Japan than bombed us, whoa, anyway, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.  We say the Japanese are all full of beans and we mean business as soon as we hold some hearings and form a task group or something to see what needs to be done.

As commander in chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. Except shooting, bombing, and that sort of thing. But I'm no pushover, just ask "Corn Pop", this guy that hung out down by the swimming pool in Scranton acting all tough and stuff. Corn Pop was a bad dude. I did a couple of haymakers on him and he was gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War, bang, bang

Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us.  Because, well because, it was bad I tell ya. It was a big (Anglo-Saxon Word) deal.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory. Like the time I led Hickory High to the state basketball championship against the big city school. I had a triple-double.   I was unreal in that game.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again. But, then again, you don't want to be too defensive.

Hostilities exist. Man, it is bad. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, our interests and our women-our beautiful women with their soft supple shoulders and their marvelous smelling hair- are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us, um, so help us, G, oh you know the thing.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Sweden on Sunday, December 7th, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Danish empire. So, knock it off, Denmark.

President Sanders, 12/8/41

If Bernie Sanders was the President of The United States on December 8, 1941, this would be his address to Congress.


Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 - a date which saw many of us go to brunch and which saw the millionaires and billionaires counting their stacks of cash- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan, which has been a marginalized people.

The United States was at "peace" with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still "rapping" with Japan about our issues, which frankly are all our fault.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to Secretary of State Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a formal reply to a recent American message. The Secretary of State told me the reply said: "whatever" and it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack or any stuff like that. But, I must express that I was impressed with the Empire of Japan and what they have done with their aerospace industry.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. Hey, Japan, let us know next time! I will apologize for all of our mistakes. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace but let's face it, we're not the sharpest knives in the drawer, unlike Denmark and Sweden.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. So the rest of the world can breathe easier now that we're not trying to force our out of date values on you.  Very many American lives have been lost, especially those in the Trans Community.  Also, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu, but that was reported on Fox News so take it for what its worth.

Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya. I'm not sure where that is.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.

Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island.

This morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island.

As you can see, Japan has been a very busy bee.  But we cannot let that take our eye off of the important things like Medicare For All, The Green New Deal, and Free College tuition.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation. Frankly, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves for the racist and bigoted remarks directed towards the Empire of Japan

As commander in chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that we should forget about the attack and remember our values.

Always remember that we deserved this.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people need to remember it was the billionaires which got us into this mess in the first place.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we need to cut the Empire of Japan some slack.

Hostilities exist. But, we can afford to lose Wake Island. I mean, how many of you have ever been to Wake Island?  I've been to Coney Island, ate a couple of corn dogs. Not my kind of place.

With confidence, I can say we will press on and fight for the important matters at hand like Climate Change. I mean, what's the use in fighting a war if the polar ice caps melt?

I ask that the Congress forget about this attack and would like to welcome Green Day to the podium for a couple of numbers.

Mini Mike

"Two straight elections of grating New Yorkers duking it out for the presidency is the fate we deserve tbqh*  (*To be quite honest)"  ~ Sonny Bunch

There is no way to tell, who is going to win the Democratic Party's nomination for President. At least not yet.  It is easier to tell you who is not going to win it.

I mean, besides Andrew Yang. I'm not sure who Andrew Yang really is, except he's described as an "entrepreneur". He seemed like a nice guy.  I really liked the "Yang Gang' stuff but some of his ideas were kind of goofy, like the UBI (Universal Basic Income) which was a thousand dollars a month for every American over 18 years of age.  I'm not saying a thousand dollars isn't a lot of scratch, but George McGovern tried that in 1972 when a thousand dollars really packed a punch and it didn't move the needle.

No, I'm talking about people like Elizabeth Warren, who, thank God, never took off and never made a connection with the American people.  I agree with Jonah Goldberg who compared Warren with Michael Scott of "The Office" because "they both share an inability to recognize they’re debasing themselves".

President Obama once said that most of the time he believed in his own Bull Corn being the Hope and the Change people wanted The problem with Warren is that she really thinks she is the "One" we've been waiting for. Yes, we've been waiting for someone to actually pretend to be a minority to advance their career. The sooner she slinks back into the background the better we'll be.


I'm talking about former Vice President Joe Biden who is, frankly, a doddering old man. He needs to be in a home, not the White House.

In this election cycle, the talk has been all about "the lanes", i.e. the "Progressive (Almost Communist) Lane" and the "Moderate (Almost Very Liberal) Lane.

In the Progressive Lane, you have Bernie Sanders, who for some reason has really connected with young people who don't know crap about the world but think they do.  Maybe it is all the free stuff he is promising them, like free college.

I don't get "free college". For one thing, everybody is going to have to pay for it. With the system now I have to, theoretically, pay for my own college education. Under Bernie, everybody is going to have to pay for somebody else's junior going to college and writing a paper on the limits of knowledge presented in Herman Melville's Moby Dick.

In the Moderate Lane, you have Pete Buttigieg, who is a mayor of a mid-sized Midwestern city, NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.  I know Trump kind of smashed the idea that a person should hold some sort of Big Political job before running for President, but still, being the mayor of South Bend, Indiana does not seem to give the experience one would need to be President of The United States.  If I was going to vote for a mayor, I would vote for Steve "Thunder" Tumlin who is the mayor of my town, Marietta, Georgia.  I'm not sure why his nickname is "Thunder", but I think "President Thunder" has a cool ring to it.

Also in the Moderate Lane is Amy Klobuchar.  She is a Senator from Minnesota and seems like to possibly have some sense, which means she is immediately disqualified to become President. She holds to the predictable Democratic policies, but she doesn't treat Pro-Life people bad and she has appeared on Fox News.  We cannot allow people to have normal conversations with people who have different opinions.

New to the Moderate Lane is former New York mayor Michael "Mike" Bloomberg.  Bloomberg has Eleventy Jillion dollars to his name and is dumping almost all of it into commercials that play on radio and TV every other minute.

Bloomberg has a couple of positives. One, he is actually a successful person that built his own business.  Two,  he was the mayor of the largest city in the country and did a credible job in running it.

The negatives.  He is as old as dirt (78 years old).  It is like he looked at the field and decided it needed another rich elderly man in it.  Also, Democrats generally don't like rich people unless they need money from them.  It seems like he's trying to blow up the "primary process" by buying the nomination. Maybe that is a good thing.  Anything other than what's happened in the last three election cycles will be an improvement.

He may be able to coax some Never Trumpers to his side because he's not as vulgar as the President. However, he's not too keen on the Second Amendment and is way too concerned about how much Co-cola you drink. I just can't see him winning over the Trump Wisconsin voters.

He talks a lot about being "data-driven" and  "results-oriented". I'm not sure how much different that is from Trump, but it is easier to be "results-oriented" when you are the Big Tuna at your own company than dealing with a senator who will still be in office long after you're gone.

Anyway, if you are "results-oriented" wouldn't you think the results of the Trump economy are good? How would Mike make that better?  I don't think he knows.

I would put "Mini Mike" (Trump's new nickname for Bloomberg) as the second most likely Democratic party nominee. I don't see how you can escape the conclusion that Bernie Sanders is the most likely. That's not good for a lot of reasons.

That Was The Week That Was

This past week wore me out.

On Sunday, we had the Super Bowl.  To me, the New Year really begins when The Super Bowl ends. The Chiefs versus the 49ers. The last time the Chiefs won a Super Bowl, I was going to East Valley Elementary School.

It was the Halftime Show which caused the most conversation.  I don't know exactly when the Halftime Show became such a big deal at the Super Bowl. Back when the Chiefs won their first Super Bowl, the Halftime Show was probably Up With People or Al Hirt (he played the trumpet).

This year, the Halftime Show was Jennifer Lopez and Shakira.  Entertainment Weekly called the show "ELECTRIC" while ABC News called it "Jaw-Dropping"

I don't know about all that. I would say it was hyper-sexual with crotch shots, booty shaking, and Lopez, pardon me, "J-Lo", simulating a private act out in public. I'm not a prude but I think we owe Janet Jackson an apology.  What happened at the 2004 Super Bowl was an accident. The 2020 Halftime Show was intentional.

Commercial after commercial told us dumb Americans that WOMEN ARE JUST AS GOOD AS MEN AND ONE DAY THEY WILL BE KICKING FIELD GOALS. Then the Halftime Show comes on and said women can be empowered hoochie-mommas.

Monday, we had the Iowa Democratic Caucus. Nobody really knows how the Caucuses work, especially Iowa Democrats. It ended up being the fuster clucks of all fuster clucks with the supposed Party of Science not knowing how to do math.

The country was spellbound waiting for the results of the Iowa Caucus for most of the week. Well, not really. I half-way expected a phone call telling me I won the Iowa Caucus on the basis of a coin toss performed at Cowpie High School's gymnasium in Dubuque.

It turns out, Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg sort of, kind of, might have won the Iowa Caucus. Someone that didn't win was Joe Biden who was supposedly THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD DEFEAT TRUMP.  It is not looking good for Joe, who really needs the help of somebody he used to work for, you know, what's his name?  It starts with a B.

Just putting this out there, but it is a real possibility that the Democrats will either nominate a self-described socialist or a mayor of a mid-sized Midwestern city who would be the first Mr. President with a First Gentleman.

Tuesday saw The President's State of The Union Address.

It was probably President Trump's best performance. None of the ad-libs, tasteless jokes, or general Trump goofiness. He was <gasp> "presidential".

Except at the beginning. When he got to the podium, he didn't shake Speaker Nancy Pelosi's hand.

Well, Pelosi sat behind Trump for the entire speech making her patented Tourette's faces until the end of the speech when she stood up and ripped her copy of the speech as some sort of statement. The statement was: I Am Insane. If she hadn't ripped up the speech, the conversation would have been about how petty Trump was not to shake her hand.  Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. Never wrestle with a pig, you get all muddy and the pig likes it.  Don't believe me?  Ask Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz.

Wednesday was Impeachment Vote day.  Surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle used to say. Republicans supported somebody from their party.

Except one.  Sen Mitt Romney who if memory serves, was the Republican nominee for President in 2012.  He voted for conviction on one of the counts. Of course, he is now persona-non-grata and the Trumpsters want to run him out of the party because he didn't bow at the altar of Trump.  And, of course, the media and Democrats are calling him a profile in courage when eight years ago they said he didn't pay his taxes and killed people with his Mormon death rays while wearing his freaky underwear.

Thursday was Victory Lap Day. After the State of The Union, I thought Trump just might change when he saw the positive reaction to him acting Presidential instead of like a trousered ape. Wrong.

He opened the day at The National Prayer Breakfast seemingly rejecting Jesus's command to love your enemies. From there, he held a celebration at the White House where he described the Russia Investigation as bull feces. In other words, he acted like Trump.

You either think he's playing 4-D chess or you think he's not playing with a full deck.

The cherry on top of the week was a three-hour Democratic party debate in New Hampshire. Who wouldn't want to end their workweek watching a three-hour political debate?  Not me. I was too tired from the week.

New York Questions And Answers

Yes, my wife and I took another trip to New York City, the city so nice they named it twice. After all, if we can make it there, we can make it anywhere.

As a public service, I have decided to answer questions Southerners have when we go to New York.


Which airport do you fly into?   There are three major airports that service New York City:  LaGuardia (which is as big as Vermont),   Kennedy (which is in Vermont), and Newark (which is gross).

Which airports do y'all usually go to?  We usually go to LaGuardia. It is closer to Manhattan. It also has a Shake Shack.  We flew into Kennedy a few years ago but it seems far away from Manhattan. However, when we flew back home, Gladys Knight was on our plane. Or was that on the midnight train to Georgia?  I get confused, but either way, Gladys looked like a million bucks.

Where do you stay? My wife earns points from various hotel chains so we have stayed in some pretty nice places. However, if you don't have points, you may want to refinance your home to stay a couple of nights.

I heard the hotel rooms are small,  For the money, the rooms are small. However, on this last trip, the room was not bad.

What about bed bugs?   In our five visits to New York, we have never encountered a bed bug. However, I did run into a cockroach in one of our showers that was as large as a refrigerator.

Did you eat any interesting food?  I am not a foodie.  Don't get me wrong, I like food. I just don't go out of my way to eat food I never heard of.  However, we did try a place in Chelsea.  (Chelsea is a New York neighborhood where it is illegal to wear a MAGA hat.)  This place was called Blue Smoke and they served Barbeque  (or BBQ like we write it down here). You may not believe it, the BBQ was very good. I also had a glass of SWEET tea.  If you have been to New York at all, you know the idea of sweet ice tea is a totally foreign concept much like courtesy or walking slow. Blue Smoke served a sweet black tea that had a mint leaf and berries in it. It wasn't bad, especially for beginners. I posted a picture on social media and my Baptist friends thought I was backslidden and drinking a cocktail.

How did you get around?  There are several ways to get around in New York.  One is by Subway. I find the New York Subway System confusing mainly because I'm stupid. Some of the subway cars look okay, some look generally scary. One time we got on a subway, only to be treated to a lecture of the evils of everything, man, by somebody who wanted your full attention, man.  I can do without that.

What about a taxi?  Taking a taxi is certainly another way to get around New York.  Taxi drivers are generally very safe. I make it a point to ask my taxi driver: How many people have you killed today?  If the answer is under five, you have a safe taxi driver. Seriously though, they are hard-working people who are good for a quote, which unfortunately I never get because my eyes are closed until we get to the hotel.  This trip, our taxi driver from the airport was listening to the MSNBC coverage of the Senate Impeachment trial.  Because if there is anything you want to hear on what could be your last minutes on earth is the brilliance of Adam Schiff.

What about Uber/Lyft?  We've never taken Lyft.  Something about their logo bugs me. I know that's a silly reason to not use a service, but it is the only one I've got.  We've used Uber's several times and had a pleasant experience each time. The only semi-negative experience came this trip when one Uber driver told my wife she didn't have a good sense of direction. In New York, this is considered good manners.

Are New Yorkers really rude?  Do dogs really bark?  No, honestly, most New Yorkers I've encountered have been very nice.  They just are direct, which Southerners rarely are because we are taught to hide or mask our opinions with niceties like "bless your heart" (translation: "My God"), "that's all right sugar" ("Lord, you are as dumb as dirt"), and  "thank you very much" ("How in the world did you learn to breathe?")  On this trip, one fellow in Times Square (hint: avoid Times Square as much as possible) got put out with me because I didn't want his "free" rap CD.  I am 60 years old. There's nothing about me that says I listen to rap.  He was even going to sign it. I don't know why.

Did You See Any Broadway Plays?  Yes!  We went to see "To Kill A Mockingbird".  The movie starring Gregory Peck was one of the first movies I remember my parents talking about.  I read the book in junior high school. Well, there's an updated version of it on Broadway.  I know when you hear "updated" you're thinking Atticus Finch is now a transgendered Eskimo with an Hispanic surname. Nope, there were just a couple of tweaks here and there, but it did not take away from the play.  Atticus Finch was played by Ed Harris.  If you don't like Ed Harris, you have hairy thighs and don't love the Lord. Ed Harris, like Robert Duvall, is one of those actors that can guarantee you will at least enjoy a movie even if it isn't that great.  After the play was over, we waited by the stage door to see if we could get a picture taken of him. Security would not let us take a picture, but we had a nice conversation with Ed Harris about the movie "Radio". He also looks at you straight in the eye. He is now my new BFF.

If I Go And See "To Kill A Mockingbird" Will Ed Harris Become My New BFF?   Get your own BFF, I saw him first. 

Hug Her Neck

Now we are finally getting to the good stuff.

The Presidential Primary season is just about ready to get underway with the Iowa Caucuses. Can't you feel the excitement!  Wait come back here!

I'm not quite sure how the Iowa Caucuses work and I don't think they've really helped any candidates to the nomination since Jimmy Carter figured out how to goose the process to get him into the news way back in 1976.  Since then the politicians and news people have been schlepping up to Iowa every four years. Thanks a lot, Jimmy.

The Democratic Party held a debate last week and I've come to an unavoidable conclusion.  Elizabeth Warren is a lying skunk. She lies, lies, lies, lies. She lies like a rug.  She's a Fibber McGee, Molly. 

Hopefully, you'll caught the reference

Of course all politicians lie. Some make promises which they know they can't keep. "Read my lips, no new taxes".  "If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor".  "Mexico will pay for the wall".  Lying is just a way to get what they want, i.e. your vote.  You can argue that when they said things like "Read my lips" they actually believed there would be no new taxes but that things have changed and we need new taxes.  I tend to be more cynical.  They know what they are saying and they know it isn't true.

Some are really good at it, like Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton turned lying into performance art.  He could lie and gaslight too, at the same time. The man was a master.

My favorite lie of all time was when he pointed his crooked index finger at us and said, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."  He was in his "How Dare You" mode, which was always my favorite President Bill mode.  How dare you think I had sex with this woman when I have this hot mess of babe as a wife.

Now wifey Clinton not so much. I mean, she's an All-Star skunk too.  She could tell some whoppers, but they never made sense. A file just "happens" to show up. A YouTube video causes radicals to storm an embassy.  "Lots" of people have been telling her to run again.

Last week, the Warren Campaign told the press that in a meeting in 2018 with fellow candidate Bernie Sanders,  Sanders told her that a woman could not be elected President.  Which is heresy, Democratic Party style.  It is almost as bad as saying you believe in the second amendment or that a fetus is a human being.

Two people were supposedly in the room for this conversation. Warren and Sanders.  Sanders denies ever saying it.  I believe Sanders.

One, Sanders is the most liberal man ever to run for President of the United States and his campaign is ground zero for all of the woke Twitter universe.  Yes, this man is a Brooklyn version of Donald Trump.

Two, as I said above, Warren lies.  She'll lie to get a leg up on any competition.

She lied about her "heritage" as a Native American. Why?  Because it gave her a leg up on all of her competition in the Academic community.  She lied about being fired when she was pregnant. She lied about sending her kids to public schools. It goes on and on.

She needs to get some separation from Bernie in the "progressive" lane so she made up a "story" (as my mother would say) to get undecided progressives to think Bernie is some sort of icky conservative in disguise. You have to believe a woman.

She took a page from President Bill's gaslighting techniques by staging a stunt after the debate of telling Bernie that he called her a liar on national TV.  (Of course, she's calling him a liar too, but whatever.)

Before you say it, yes, I know Big Bad Orange Man lies too.  But at least, he doesn't go around acting like Saint Liz The Librarian.

My mother used to say when somebody was caught in a lie, "if I loved a liar, I'd hug your neck".  We all could hug Senator Warren's neck.

The Roaring Twenties

Let me be the last to say this: Happy New Year!  Look, I know it is late but better late than never.

It is the start of a new decade. I know there are those of you who go to great pains to announce that the "beginning of the decade" will be 2021.  To this argument,  I offer this rebuttal: Shut up.

Looking at it from my history major glasses, decades rarely start anywhere close to the beginning year of the decade.  The '40s didn't start until December 7, 1941.  The '50s didn't start until Elvis strolled into Sun Records.  The '60s didn't start until November 22, 1963. The '70s didn't start until the Watergate Hearings. You get the idea.

It has been a challenging New Year already.

First, President Trump had Qasem Soleimani "eliminated". Soleimani* was "an Iranian Major General in the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps and, from 1998 until his death in 2020, commander of its Quds Force, a division primarily responsible for extraterritorial military and clandestine operations."   As former Vice President Joe "Joe" Biden would say,  "He was a bad dood (dude)."

This started an immediate dread of World War III because let's face it, Trump doesn't exactly give off the serious, careful, studious vibe we expect from somebody that is going to send our teenagers off to war.

Of course, since Trump did it, we had the Loyal Opposition run to their favorite media sites talking about the process and was an attack from Soleimani really imminent.  Well, for one thing, any time you talk about the process, people are going to check out. Most people seem happy Soleimani is gone.

As far as the imminent argument goes, well, some of that falls back on Trump because (now sit down when I tell you this) is not very precise in his language.  The phone call to the Ukrainian President was so "perfect" it got him impeached.

However, who really cares?  This guy was responsible for the deaths of American soldiers. He deserved being whacked as much as Bin Laden.

Iran responded by lobbing some missiles at an American airbase in Iraq, but nobody was killed and the damage as minimal.

This led to a new conspiracy theory reported by Jonah Goldberg in his G-File.

Suleimani was set up by the Iranians. He was too much of a hothead, growing his own power base independent of the mullahs and making it harder for Iran to get out from underneath sanctions. The Iranian leadership couldn’t stop him from conducting a series of dangerously provocative terror attacks, so they basically gave him to the Americans in exchange for … something. I’m not sure what, but maybe withdrawal from Iraq. 

By burning Suleimani the Iranians lose a loose cannon and gain a useful propaganda martyr. The fact that CIA Director Gina Haspel perfectly predicted the Iranian response beforehand suggests she may have actually negotiated it from the beginning.

Also, something about lizard people.

Looming in the background of all of this is The Bout To Knock Trump Out, the Impeachment of Donald J. Trump.  This impeachment has all of the drama found in a "Gilligan's Island"  rerun except nobody is the Professor and everybody is Gilligan.

If the Democrats were trying to come off as stupider than the 1999 Republicans that impeached President Bill Clinton, they have succeeded.

I don't know much about impeachment, but I do know this: if you are going to impeach somebody, everybody has to be on board. The Democrats simply haven't convinced everybody that Trump needs to be removed, particularly in an election year.

I will note there have already been some very positive developments this year.

One, the New England Patriots will not go to the Super Bowl.  For this, we give thanks.

Secondly, Mike Leach is the new football coach of The Missasloppy State Bulldogs.  Leach brings a whole new level of insanity to the SEC.

Finally, I can make a solid lock guarantee prediction on who is going to win The College Football National Championship:  The Tigers.


*I know Soleimani's name is spelled differently in the quoted Jonah Goldberg piece. Take it up with Jonah.

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