President Sanders, 12/8/41

If Bernie Sanders was the President of The United States on December 8, 1941, this would be his address to Congress.


Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 - a date which saw many of us go to brunch and which saw the millionaires and billionaires counting their stacks of cash- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan, which has been a marginalized people.

The United States was at "peace" with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still "rapping" with Japan about our issues, which frankly are all our fault.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to Secretary of State Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a formal reply to a recent American message. The Secretary of State told me the reply said: "whatever" and it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack or any stuff like that. But, I must express that I was impressed with the Empire of Japan and what they have done with their aerospace industry.

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. Hey, Japan, let us know next time! I will apologize for all of our mistakes. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace but let's face it, we're not the sharpest knives in the drawer, unlike Denmark and Sweden.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. So the rest of the world can breathe easier now that we're not trying to force our out of date values on you.  Very many American lives have been lost, especially those in the Trans Community.  Also, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu, but that was reported on Fox News so take it for what its worth.

Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya. I'm not sure where that is.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.

Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island.

This morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island.

As you can see, Japan has been a very busy bee.  But we cannot let that take our eye off of the important things like Medicare For All, The Green New Deal, and Free College tuition.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation. Frankly, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves for the racist and bigoted remarks directed towards the Empire of Japan

As commander in chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that we should forget about the attack and remember our values.

Always remember that we deserved this.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people need to remember it was the billionaires which got us into this mess in the first place.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we need to cut the Empire of Japan some slack.

Hostilities exist. But, we can afford to lose Wake Island. I mean, how many of you have ever been to Wake Island?  I've been to Coney Island, ate a couple of corn dogs. Not my kind of place.

With confidence, I can say we will press on and fight for the important matters at hand like Climate Change. I mean, what's the use in fighting a war if the polar ice caps melt?

I ask that the Congress forget about this attack and would like to welcome Green Day to the podium for a couple of numbers.