He's Back!

 

 

 

Guess who is back so we can kick him around some more?

 

President Richard Nixon.

 

There is a thing out now: "Nixonmaxxing". It is "a viral internet trend and slang term where young conservatives on social media rebrand former U.S. President Richard Nixon as a "sigma male" antihero. The movement features slickly edited archival videos set to rap music, portraying Nixon as a tough figure and an early pioneer of America First." (The Hollywood Reporter)

 

 

Now what is a "sigma male"? It is a popular internet slang term (obviously) for a successful independent man who lives outside normal social hierarchies. The internet goes on to say: "He is often framed as a 'lone wolf' who achieves power, wealth, and status without seeking validation from others."   

 

Which is a hoot because if there is one thing Nixon craved in his life, it was "validation from others".

 

Which he never got, at least from the fancy-smancy Ivy League crowd that giggled at Adlai Stevenson's witticisms.

 

Nixon had, by any measure, a remarkable life. 

 

He grew up poor. He graduated from college and law school. He served in the South Pacific in World War II.  He was finishing his hitch at a Naval office in New York City and saw the ticker-tape parade for Dwight Eisenhower, arguably the most famous man on Earth at the time. 

Seven years later, He would be Eisenhower's Vice Presidential running mate.

That's a quick, rise to the top journey. Almost as quick as the rise of John David Vance.

 

From 1952 to 1972, there were six Presidential elections.  Nixon was on the ticket for five of them. He won three of them in a landslide. He won a close one. He lost a close one.

Still, he was never good enough for Cronkite, Rather, and Daniel Schorr.

He looked shifty. My mom used to call him "Tricky Dicky", but she held her nose and voted for him over McGovern as anybody who had half a sense did.

 

He was unfortunate enough to run against John Kennedy in 1960.  Kennedy had this TA-DA presence and a completely compliant news media that was dazzled by him. Don't let anybody say being good-looking and rich isn't an advantage. 

Meanwhile, the news media and popular culture were never dazzled by Nixon. He was just "ick" to them. Never cool. Even when he said "Sock it to me" on "Laugh-In", it just wasn't enough. (Okay, maybe you had to be there.)

 

By the time Watergate happened, the news media knew they finally got him. After all the years of his half-truths or whole lies and duplicity, Nixon got run out of town. 

He eventually was rehabilitated to some extent. He even met and joked around with David Letterman in the mid-80s. But he was always known as the President who resigned.

 

Back during the Nixon years, Nixon was presented as this dastardly conservative, when in reality he increased Johnson's Great Society programs, created the EPA and OSHA, and began Affirmative Action.

A couple of things he proposed: universal healthcare and a guaranteed basic minimum income. Really.

A lot of the people that froth at the mouth about MAGA did so about Nixon. It is strange. I think it has more to do with the (R) and (D) thing than anything else. 

 

To me, the strangest thing about Nixon is how he is still a punchline.

There was a show on FXX called "What We Do In Shadows," and there was a character who did a Nixon joke complete with the impression. When I first saw that show, Nixon had been dead for thirty years.

I'm not sure if the kids know what they are doing about Nixon. But hey, other kids are wearing Chinese uniforms and singing praises to Mao Zedong, so it could be worse. 

 

 

 

Welcome To Wheeler

I'm not sure when the "Dog Days of Summer" actually start. But I'm pretty sure they have started.

Summer in Georgia is always hot. It is always muggy. This summer, we have the bonus of air-to-ground lightning storms, usually in the afternoon.

I'm not sure what causes it. All I know is that science is involved, and I checked out of science long ago when I was a student at Wheeler High School in Marietta, Georgia (School Motto: "Where The Leaders of Tomorrow Are Sticking Gum Underneath The Desks Of Today").

Speaking of Wheeler High School, the big news is President Trump will be at Wheeler next week for something.  I think it has to do with his "Trump Accounts," in which parents can open up an IRA for their kid(s) so they can pay for college to earn a degree that they can't get a job with because of AI. 

Therefore, please consider this a primer regarding Wheeler High School to help all of the national media that will descend upon Holt Road this week.

The mascot: The Wildcats. School Colors: Blue and Gold. School Alma Mater:  "We're The Wheeler Wildcats"

Lyrics to "We're The Wheeler Wildcats":  "We're the Wheeler Wildcats you've heard so much about. Mother's hide their daughters whenever we're about.  We fight with knives and forty-fives and broken bottle too. We're the Wheeler Wildcats, who the <insert your favorite bad word> are you?"

Wheeler was named for General Joseph Wheeler, who was a Confederate General and later became a U.S. general in the Spanish-American War, and he is buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

Additionally, he was non-binary and used to ride his horse into battle side-saddle. [Editor's note:  There is no record of this in any history book.]

When I went to Wheeler, it was considered one of the best, if not the best, high school in Cobb County. I don't know if that was such a high bar, but it made us feel good. I heard from kids at other high schools that said we were "stuck up" because we could read.

We had a lot of students who were very smart.  They took classes like Calculus, which is the mathematical study of continuous change. I think. To be honest, I never had anyone explain to me what Calculus was except to say it was hard and would go over my head because I didn't understand all of the X= whatever of Algebra. 

Needless to say, the math I took at Wheeler was called "Math".

Back then, it wasn't illegal to smoke cigarettes on Earth.  We had a designated place at Wheeler where "students" (usually the same ones that took "Math" with me) could go and smoke. We called it "The Smoke Hole."

The teachers did not smoke in our "Smoke Hole."  They smoked in something called "The Teacher's Lounge," which also had a Coke machine.  (Editor's Note: in some areas of the country they are referred to as "Soda Machines".)

We had one teacher who would literally stick a cigarette in her mouth the minute the bell dismissing school for the day rang. I guess we kind of stressed her out. 

Another time, a "student" ( a guy my brother knew) fell asleep in class.

Now, kids were falling asleep in class for various reasons back then. Drugs, laziness, too much excitement in Calculus.  I must admit, I fell asleep several times, too, even though I didn't do drugs or Calculus. For some reason, teachers do not like this.

The teacher in this class (who was fairly "cool") went over and shook this guy to wake him up.  He woke up and whopped her pretty good. The force of the whop caused her to hit a bulletin board and enabled him to have some time away from school, if you know what I mean.  

We have some notable alumni.

Brett Butler, who had her own situation comedy called "Grace Under Pressure".  My brother sort of knew her. She also was the center fielder for the Atlanta Braves.

Pam Stone, who was in the situation comedy "Coach", where she played Dauber's girlfriend. Fun fact: the actor who played Dauber is the voice of Patrick Star on "SpongeBob SquarePants".  She (Pam, not SpongeBob) was in my class and wore a lot of T-shirts that had pictures of horses on them.

Bob Tway, another member of my class, played in the PGA and won the PGA Open, defeating Greg Norman. To my knowledge, he has never work on "SpongeBob SquarePants."

Jaylen Brown, a basketball player who played for the Celtics but was traded to the Philadelphia 76ers.

Robert Shaw, a football player who was the Dallas Cowboys' number one pick in 1979. He is the only Wheeler graduate to have his name spoken by Howard Cosell.  If my memory serves, he was a real big guy.
 
Brad Armstrong was a professional wrestler. He was the son of "Bullet Bob Armstrong" and the brother of Scott, who my wife knew. 

 

 

  

Her Retirement

 

 

Two weeks after she graduated from Wheeler High School, Lori got a job.

That was June of 1979.

Jimmy Carter was President.  The average price per gallon for gas was around ninety cents.  The most popular movie was "The Amityville Horror". The radio played songs like "Bad Girls", "Ring My Bell", and "The Logical Song".

Her parents were all for it.  Her mother told her that she would soon marry a boy who would make enough money for her to stay at home and raise the kids.

Oops.

So, while her friends and classmates enjoyed the summer off before starting college, Lori did something else. 

Lori went to work in the front office at a Browning Manufacturing warehouse. Browning (a division of Emerson Electric) made power transmission parts, and Lori's warehouse shipped them out. 

She never stepped foot inside a college classroom.  She never had a term paper due or had to read a book for English Lit. She never had to take an elective. 

She never experienced Sorority rush.  She never pledged. She never went to a mixer. She was never pinned.

Unlike her classmates, Lori didn't have a Christmas break or a summer break because she had a job.

She lived with her parents, her brother, and her sister in a little East Marietta subdivision known as Red Oak Park. 

She was able to save enough to buy a car.  A red Chevette. 

She stayed at that job for over 19 years.

In the meantime, she married me.  She still had the job.

Soon it was Lori and Me and Ben-Ben makes three.

Total time away from work, not including paid time off: 6 weeks after the baby was born. Then Lori went back to work.  That's how they did things back then.

She left that job to become an executive assistant to the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of a building and design firm.  She worked there from 1998 to 2009.

When things were good at the building and design firm, things were really good, like the Christmas parties.  However, there were some bad things.

One day, she got a call from a job site.  An elevator inspector was killed in an accident. 

Another time, an executive she supported was killed in an airplane crash.

Another time, a colleague committed suicide. 

The cherry on top was the owner and the firm being investigated by the FBI  and the Mississippi Bureau of Investigation (MBI). It is a long story. Lori was interviewed by the FBI and MBI simply because she submitted timecards for people working in the field. Lori wasn't in trouble, but she was on the government's subpoena list. The United States of America cut a deal with the owner of the firm before the case went to trial. 
 

Wheeler High School never prepared her for that.

She moved on to a Medical documentation tech firm in 2009. She was the executive assistant to the Owner/CEO. 

That firm was bought by another tech firm, Nuance,  in 2012. Then that firm was bought by another tech firm you might have heard of in 2021.

Microsoft.

She started with a small company she would have to explain to everyone and finished at a company that needed no explanation. 

She always has regretted not going to college. She would always wonder out loud what she would have majored in. While graduating from college is a feather in a cap, it was not a cap Lori needed. 

She has skills they don't teach in college. She worked with a lot of people from different backgrounds and got along with all of them. She worked with doctors, nurses, and construction managers. She worked with building superintendents. She worked with other admins that were older and some that were younger.  She worked with medical school graduates, night school graduates, and Ivy League graduates. 

She would go to the warehouse in the middle of the night to box up and ship a part because some plant was shut down.

She would take a million calls to change flight arrangements. The most memorable one was when she had to arrange a flight for an executive who was in Chicago to take a flight to Birmingham, Alabama due to the death of his mother. At five o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

She would know how to talk to her fellow admins off the ledge when work got a little too much.

For a Southern Baptist, she knew how to celebrate Diwali. 

I told her that quote from Woody Allen: "90% of success in life is just showing up".  I heard her tell her colleagues that during a virtual going-away party.

Lori showed up.

Now, she doesn't have to.  

 

 

The Big Birthday

 

 

 I was around in 1976 when America celebrated its Bicentennial.

It was a big deal. On the CBS Television Network, they would air a "Bicentennial Minute" in which some star like Telly Savalas would tell you something that happened in 1776.

I don't know if CBS does a "Semiquincentennial Minute."  The CBS affiliate in Atlanta is now Channel 69, which seems wrong to me. CBS is supposed to be on Channel 5.  It hasn't been the CBS affiliate since 1994.  Pardon me while I walk outside and shake my fist at the sky.

My point is, if CBS does have a "Semiquincentennial Minute," I haven't seen it.

If they did show a "Semiquincentennial Minute," it would be full of information about how much we suck. Because: history.

As I have said before, I majored in history in college. I did this because I am not very smart.

I know some of you would say, "Oh, I love history, and I would love to study it."  I can tell you that, no, you wouldn't.

At least back when I was in school, the learned professors of history were bound and determined to make history as dull as possible. They did a good job.

The problem is that there is a current view of American History which says America sucks mainly because of white people and white men in particular. 

So now we have a generation of young people who live in the greatest country in world history, with the greatest wealth, with the greatest freedom, with the best cell phones that can take the best pictures and make the best TikToks but wonder out loud what it says about a country that doesn't flock to the movies to see "Supergirl".

But think about it. As President Obama once sniffed, everybody thinks their country is the best. That's the type of insight you get from Harvard graduates.  

We have the best bird, the Bald Eagle.  I don't know how many of you have seen a real live Bald Eagle, but they could beat up every other country's bird. 

 We stretch from sea (the Atlantic) to shining sea (the Pacific).  They don't have that in Europe.  

We knew this couple where the husband was from Germany. His family moved to Boca Raton, Florida. One day, his German grandparents came to town. They had never been to America before. They were asked what they wanted to do.  They said, "Tomorrow we want to go to the beach, and then we think we want to drive out and see the Grand Canyon."

It can be done, but it takes some time.

Sure, our politicians are loco, some more than others. But on the whole, we've been led by good people even when they are Democrats. (Ha, ha. Just a joke.)

But you can at least see the reasoning behind the people who have been elected President. Even people like James Buchanan.   We haven't had a junta or a military coup.

We have more stuff than other countries.  We can buy almost anything we want.

We have endless opportunities for education if we take advantage of them. Especially from Southern New Hampshire University,which doesn't have a good football team. 

We also have Buc-ee's, hallowed be thy name.

We have freedom of speech and the press.

We have freedom of religion. You can belong to First Baptist or Bedside Baptist if you want. 

There are so many things that are great about America that you can shake a stick at.

How come this Semiquincentennial has been kind of meh?

I remember hearing about the Bicentennial back in 1970. The Semiquincentennial snuck up on us, to be frank. 

And, let's be honest, one side doesn't like the idea of the other side being in charge of it. And, honestly, maybe it isn't the best idea to have the Orange Man involved in selecting the entertainment.

But it should be celebrated. We are the best. As Walter Brennan (a great American) used to say, "No brag, just fact"

 

 

  

Dads Day

 

 

Before Bill Cosby was memory-holed, he released a series of awesome comedy records.  This was before "The Cosby Show", Jello Pudding Pops, and, you know, the other thing.

He had a bit (Note:  A bit is a comedy term, meaning something you do in front of an audience to make them laugh) about mothers and fathers and the differences between them.

He said (and this is not a direct quote, but it is close enough), for Mother's Day, you break your back to try to get something for your mother.  For Father's Day, you walk up to your Dad and ask him for some money so you can buy him a pack of cigarettes for Father's Day. Then you smoke half the pack on your way home. 

He went on to say you could take an old piece of wood, carve your initials on it, and give it to her, and she would cry, hug you, and forgive you for everything.

Take that same piece of wood and give it to your dad:  WHAT IS THIS? AN OLD PIECE OF WOOD?

That's pretty much true, especially when I was coming along. Dads were honest and told you what they thought, even if it didn't make a lot of sense.

Dads, back then, believed in the hierarchy. In the hierarchy, they were number one. Mom was number two. The kids were there and were supposed to behave.

My dad had the greatest admonition ever. He would say, "Act like you have some sense."

You didn't have to have sense. You could pretend you have some sense. It was an early version of "fake it till you make it". 

 Speaking of faking until you make it, I went to the all-powerful AI to see what people should give their fathers for Father's Day.

It says, "The most foolproof Father’s Day gifts range from practical everyday gear to experiential treats."  The examples they give are Apple AirPods Pro 3, outdoor accessories like a multitool from Leatherman, or a curated food box from GourmetGiftBaskets.com.

Apple AirPods Pro range anywhere from $54.00 to almost $300.00. 

I've never heard of Leatherman, but their all of their items look like a Swiss Army Knife that knows somebody.  They definitely looks cool, and what Dad would not want to whip out a "Surge" ($159.00 US) to impress his goofy friends at the cookout?

The items at Gourmet Gift Baskets are more affordable, but you run the risk of all the other dads making fun of him at the cookout.

I don't know how "practical" and "experiential" all these gifts would be.  The whole point is that you really need to spend some money on Dear Old Dad, for once in your life. 

 AI also suggests "a thoughtful handwritten card alongside a gift card to his favorite store is always a winner."  By the way, this is also the cheapest gift.

"How was your Father's Day, Pete?"

"Just great-I got a thoughtful handwritten card with a gift card." 

"Me too!"

(Both belch.)

I have some ideas the some adult kids can give their dads.

Stop with the boozing and settle down. Nobody wants to see your Star Wars collection.  Nobody cares how many concerts you went to see last week. 

Settle down and get married. Have kids. 

Mow the yard. 

Learn to use an edger.  I didn't until I was in my forties. I am still ashamed of myself

Decide on the great controversy of our day: charcoal or propane?  For some reason, men are required to cook outdoors. 

Learn how to shake hands. This is very important. I know this is hard, particularly when you are short like I am, but you got to give the effort.

Learn to shave. Please.

Finally, act like you have some sense.  

Preachers In Skirts

 

 

"Oh, the little lady preacher from the Limestone church

I'll never forget her, I guess.

She preached each Sunday morning on the local radio

With a big black Bible and a snow-white dress. ~ Tom T. Hall

 

 

 

Every summer around this time, the national news media reports on the annual Southern Baptist Convention meeting.

 

Any good Southern Baptist should (and will) tell you that the Southern Baptist Convention exists only when the Southern Baptist Convention is convened.  The rest of the year, it is a bunch of cooperating churches that send their monies to the Cooperative Program, which supports missions, colleges, et. al. In other words, each church is independent. Don't make me explain it again.

 

Southern Baptists are not a creedal people. They don't repeat The Apostle's Creed every Sunday morning.  They repeat college football scores in the Fall.

So, all Southern Baptists don't (watch this next word) necessarily believe everything other Southern Baptists say they believe.  

 

One time, and this is the truth, I was in a Southern Baptist church, and the preacher was preaching against reincarnation.   A man stood up and said, "YOU ARE WRONG," and walked out of the service.  It turned out that this gentleman had been a member of this church for quite some time. I've never met a Southern Baptist who believed in reincarnation before. 

 

 

However, Southern Baptists have something called "The Baptist Faith and Message," which lists the doctrines Southern Baptists believe.  To be in good with other Southern Baptist churches, churches must follow "The Baptist Faith and Message," or they can be kicked out of the "fellowship" of Southern Baptist churches. They write it in bold letters so nobody is mistaken. 

 

Every so often, they try to "update"  this "confessional." They want to make it appeal to as many people as possible while trying to be as Biblical (this is a big word in Baptist circles) as possible.

Therefore, when the Baptist Faith And Message is updated, it must come before the entire convention for a vote. 

 

This year, in the Convention, the issue of the day was women pastors.

This, my friends, is a tertiary matter. By that I mean, there are issues which are essential the Christian faith. For example: God.  It is essential for a Christian to believe that there is a God.  It is also essential to believe in God to be a Baptist. I know that is real dogmatic. 

 

Then there are matters which are secondary to faith.  Example: Baptism.  All Christian denominations (that I know anything about) believe in some form of Baptism. Some believe in Infant Baptism. Some believe in pouring. Baptists believe in "Believers'  Baptism" in which people above the "age of accountability" are baptized by immersion (or drowning).  We wouldn't say our Presbyterian friends were not Christians.  They are just not Baptists. 

 

Women in the pulpit is tertiary because there are compelling arguments on both sides of the issue. Really. I know people don't like nuance, but you could make a case for Women pastors. For example, throughout scripture, God utilized female leaders, such as the prophet Deborah, Phoebe (a deacon), and Priscilla (who taught the minister Apollos).  Also, Inez Manis was a deacon in the Disciples of Christ church we went to when I was a child, so that's my momma you're talking about. (As a side note, I don't think Mom ever preached although it would have been on never joining the Columbia Record Club.)

 

On the other side, when the Bible talks about offices in the church, it refers to males holding those offices. It just does.  (Note:  I know this isn't very intellectual or deep.)  

 

Both sides have their irrelevant parts to their arguments.  On one side, there's talk about misogyny, "the old boy's network" and the issue with Pastors not keeping their grubby hands off of the female members of the church.  Also, apparently, the nasty old conservative boys ran Beth Moore out of the convention.*

 

On the other side, it has been noted that denominations that have female pastors are generally liberal and before you know it, the Southern Baptist Convention will have kids carrying the Rainbow flag at the start of Vacation Bible School if we start allowing female pastors.**

 

Here's my conclusion.  I'm with you fellers.

 

I that sounds "beta",  but I'm ready to do anything that will shut down all of the Facebook posts that are TL/DR (too long didn't read).

 

I just wouldn't feel comfortable attending a church that has a woman pastor. That's just me. I've been exposed to several lady preachers from various denominations and I wasn't impressed. Maybe I'm capture 

by toxic masculinity.

 

Or maybe, just maybe, I think it is something that is more influenced by contemporary culture than anything else. This current, unspoken misandrist philosophy that men are just a bunch of apes wearing cargo pants and the gals just have to tame them.

 

By the way, I remember a conversation my mom had with her friend, Sarah.  Sarah was a Presbyterian and one of the smartest people I've met. 

 

Sarah: "We've got a new pastor."

 

Mom:  "Oh, yeah?"

 

Sarah: "She's a skirt. She's real smart."

 

Both took a long drag from a cigarette and then laughed.

 

 

*Beth Moore is a popular Christian writer who spoke at a lot of ladies conferences.  People, especially the ladies, adore her.  Well, one of her books had something in it that another preacher (not a Southern Baptist, by the way) said something wasn't Biblical and the Twitter crowd hounded her out of the denomination. 

 

**The biggest weakness I see from the Egalitarian side is they pretend there is no such thing as Progressive/Liberal/mainstream theology.  

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

We Are Old

 

 

 

There's a new show on Netflix called "The Boroughs." The internet says, "The Boroughs unfolds in a seemingly idyllic New Mexico retirement community where a grieving newcomer joins a group of misfit seniors to confront an otherworldly threat intent on stealing the one thing they have least—time."

 

A better way to describe it is to call it "Old Fart Stranger Things."

 

The Duffer Brothers are the "Executive Producers" of "The Boroughs," which leads to this question: Are they paid by separate checks, or do they both have to endorse one check?

 

Having The Duffer Brothers involved means the soundtrack to the show sounds a lot like "Stranger Things". (Think: "Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee") There's also a lot of what Ludlow Porch would call "Booger Stuff"-monsters, etc.

 

We're not done watching it yet, but it seems like a good show. The cast is pretty good. One problem: Geena Davis, who is the hawt old lady, speaks like her mouth is wired shut.  Has she always spoken like that, or was I always just slobbering over her not to notice?

 

There's a side issue of where the main character's daughter wants the main character's copy of "Born To Run".  It was 50 years ago this year that Bruce Springsteen somehow made the covers of Time and Newsweek, and you could not believe what a big deal it was at the time. 

 

 [Note to younger readers: Time and Newsweek were "news magazine" and their purpose (besides giving Richard Nixon a headache) was to review the news of the past week or to spot new trends in popular culture.]

 

 [Another note to younger readers: "Born To Run" was a good album, and Springsteen wasn't in his prophet mode yet.]

 

 [Another another note to younger readers:  I was attending Wheeler High School (School Motto: "Where The Gum Bought Yesterday Is Chewed And Placed Under The Desks Today By The Leaders Of Tomorrow") in 1975, and I promised you nobody in my class had a copy of that album until 1981.]

But one of the things that struck me about "The Boroughs" is that it is about people my age dealing with what people my age deal with.

 

The actual "Borough" is like "The Villages" in Florida, and if you have been paying attention, it is where Peepaw and Meemaw go to shake their groove thang. 

And each character in the show is dealing with their own stuff. One guy is still tomcatting around. Another is an old hippie. One has cancer. Just like my crew.

 

A few months ago, we went to a funeral of a girl I've known since I was fourteen. Someone said, "You know, we are going to be going to more of these."  Geez, don't remind me.

But that's life. One minute, you are graduating from high school.  Then college. Then you are going to weddings. Then the babies come. Then you are going to the kids' parties. Then you go to the weddings of the kids. Then to the birth of your grandkids.  You look in the mirror, and you see gray hair. Or no hair.

 

 You find yourself explaining your history to younger people like you are Abe Simpson:  "I wore an onion on my belt which was the style at the time."

You find yourself wanting to be hip and young. The problem: you are not hip and young. You are wise and experienced. That means you are old.

 

 Abe Simpson also said, "I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me and it'll happen to you, too."

 

You are so right, Abe.