The Winner of The 2018 Awful Christmas Song

You may remember that last year we crowned the Worst Christmas Song Ever.

If you like, you can read it here https://manisville.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-worst-christmas-song-ever.html

Just to recap, there were many nominees. My readers were at the forefront of pointing out "Baby, It's Cold Outside" seemed not to have much to do with Christmas as it does with begging for sex. Fortunately, my readers didn't have the vapors about it and ask that it be stricken from public memory.

The winner of the Worst Christmas Song Ever was a song called "Dominick, The Christmas Donkey".   It is another one of those "animals help Santa Claus" songs, except Dominick, is an Italian Christmas donkey because Santa needs protection when it comes to delivering presents to Italy (or as the singer says it "Eat-al-lee").

The bottom line is the song is awful and well deserves its place as the Worst Christmas Song Ever.

However, there is a challenger.

Before we get to this year's Awful Christmas Song,  let's review some of the really bad Christmas songs and why they are really bad.

"Feliz Navidad" -Jose Feliciano.    This song isn't really so bad except they play it way too much on the radio and Pandora.  For you kids that don't know, Jose Feliciano is a blind Latin singer known for this song, ruining The Doors "Light My Fire", and the theme song for "Chico and The Man".  My college roommate, the Great Bill Wade, wrote a parody song called "Police Got Your Dad", which probably should be on radio too.

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"- Elmo and Patsy.  I get the joke and think it is a fun novelty song. However, some people in this humorless age of ours become offended about the thought of an elderly relative trampled to death by venison. Yes, me and grandpa believe in Santa because grandma is the victim of a hit and run.

"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey.  Another song radio plays way too much. I have a hard time believing that all Mariah wants for Christmas is me.

"Wonderful Christmas Time" - Paul McCartney.  Paul McCartney has written some of the best songs ever recorded. Then he writes this.  First of all, the beginning sounds like one of those slasher movies where the bad guy is stalking the unsuspecting teenagers. Then he wants us to believe that the children practice for the Christmas concert "all year long". I was a kid. I had a kid. Christmas concert practice always started in late September, at the earliest.  I have a theory that this took McCartney ten minutes to write.

"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"- John Lennon.  Written and recorded in the post-Beatle era when John Lennon was his most insufferable. "So this is Christmas and what have you done?" Nothing, John Lennon, what's it to you?

"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys.  I will give you this. Brian Wilson wrote a better Christmas song than either Lennon or McCartney.  It's got a nice little beat and I like the little "run, run reindeer" part.  However, the song hits the skids with this stupid line: "Christmas comes this time each year". It was like Brian Wilson had this brainstorm that Christmas happens on the same day in the same month every year! That would be something that impresses California girls.

"Christmas Shoes" - Newsong.  No discussion of awful Christmas songs would be complete without this song.  It meets the one requirement of an awful Christmas song: you never want to hear it again. It is about a boy who wants to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes for when she goes to meet Jesus. He doesn't have the money so the narrator pays for the shoes. This causes the narrator to discover "the true meaning of Christmas". Okay, the theology is a little bit shaky with the implication that the kid's mother became terminally ill so the narrator could learn the meaning of Christmas.  I mean, couldn't the narrator just watch The Hallmark Channel? There are movies nightly in November and December that teach about the real meaning of Christmas.

Now as bad as all of those songs are they are not as bad as this year's Awful Christmas Song winner.

Little drummer boy, drum roll please, the winner of the 2018 Awful Christmas song is....

"Leroy The Redneck Reindeer" - Joe Diffie.

Let's list some of the ways "Leroy" is awful

"Leroy" is very contrived. In "Leroy", Rudolph catches the flu and cannot make his rounds on Christmas Eve, so he calls his Southern cousin (do what?) Leroy to fill in for him. Santa's okay with it, even though Leroy doesn't have a red nose. Leroy has a pickup truck. He also wears a John Deere tractor hat and overalls.

It has cringe-worthy lyrics like "He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell and made history that night".   But the whopper is this one: "Santa wrapped his bag with a Dixie flag".  Lord. That line alone would cause massive heart failure in today's culture.

Since this song was released in 1995, it has a video. Do not eat before watching this video.

Joe Diffie has a mullet. Yes, a mullet.  He begins to tell a bunch of children the story of Leroy in his baritone that sounds like he's about ready to sing "Amazing Grace". The children laugh and for some reason, they begin to line dance. Hey, it was 1995 and there was some law that said you had to boot scoot to show southern Appalachian culture.

Oh yeah, Leroy's story is depicted in a cartoon.

So scoot over Dominick,  I think you have some company.

Here's the video in all of its glory.

My George Bush

As part of my effort to become an author, a writer of books, I would meet with my publisher, who I will call "Greg" because that's his name and talk about book writing issues. For example, Greg wanted me to keep a list of possible book ideas.

One idea I've been kicking around is a book about the Presidents of my lifetime. It would be essays about the various Presidents from 1959 to the present, and of course, the essays would be simply hilarious.

The title of the book would be called My Presidents.

The title comes from a lady I used to work with at the insurance company. She would always refer to Ronald Reagan as "your President".

I know people disagree with this, but I think The President (whoever it is) is Our President (for better or worse).

For example, Jimmy Carter was Our President, from 1977 to 1981.

I've never been a big Jimmy Carter fan.

He was the governor of Georgia when I was in my early teens and I really can't think of too much he did while as governor except stand around and smile. I remember he took Amy trick or treating one time and it was on the news.

When he announced he was running for Presiden, my reaction was very contemporary:  It was "wait...what?"   I just didn't see Carter as a President. He couldn't handle Lester Maddox for goodness sakes.

His presidency was about what I expected. Pretty bad.  However, he was the President and he was my President too, even if he was attacked by a rabbit.

I thought about this a lot watching the coverage of the death of President George H. W. Bush.

First of all, I don't remember having a vote on having to add extra letters to George Bush's name.  I know it is the initials for his middle name: "Herbert Walker". It was meant to distinguish himself from his son, George W. Bush, who became a President, too, just in case you have forgotten. I thought the "W" did that, but that's just me.

I'm going to refer to the first President Bush as President George Bush.  I've referred to him over the years as "Dad Bush" and George W. as "Kid Bush".

I agreed with a lot that was said about President Bush's passing. A lot of it was very, very nice.

My only problem is that it was about 26 years too late.

I was a young adult when Bush somehow finagled his way on to the ticket with Ronald Reagan. If you don't remember, it had something to do with Gerald Ford, an idea about a "Co-Presidency", and Voodoo Economics.

Reagan-Bush won that year and Bush was absolutely the prototypical Vice President.  Everything Reagan did was great and Bush was an Apple Polisher, first class. As the great cartoon character Yogi Bear would say, he liked to keep those apples shiny.

That's because Bush wanted to become President too.  After eight years, he became President, defeating a lump of a man named "Michael Dukakis". Dukakis was a dreary candidate who made Walter Mondale look like Kid Rock.

He wasn't like Reagan. Reagan was "The Great Communicator".  Bush was just a "Communicator". When Bush spoke, his arms and hands seemed to go into a spasm. One arm would go in one direction while the other would go in the opposite.

His Vice President was J. Danforth "Dan" Quayle, whose main problem was he had nice hair and looked like he was fourteen years old.  A lot of the national media had a conniption when it was learned he joined The Indiana National Guard instead of being drafted for Vietnam. But, for six years, "Dan" had to be a weekend warrior, which isn't too bad now looking back on it.

Bush said, "Read My Lips, no new taxes".  Of course, in an effort for "bipartisanship," Bush compromised with the Democratic majority and taxes were raised. It was the reason that there was a rebellion in the Republican Party and caused Ross Perot to get into the race.

The rebellion and Perot were a couple of the factors which caused Bush to lose to William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton, the governor of Arkansas.  Bill Clinton was the only man to ever get into politics for the chicks.

As the early '90s Bush successes faded (the fall of The Berlin Wall, the collapse of the Soviet Union, and of course, Desert Storm) we were soon treated to the internet boom, impeachment, and where Bill put a cigar.

When Bush lost, he invited Dana Carvey to The White House to perform for the staff.  Dana Carvey's impersonation of Bush neither looked or sounded like Bush, but Bush went along with the joke. Can you imagine President Trump inviting Alec Baldwin to The White House to perform for the staff?

Bush hardly said anything bad about anybody.  During the 1992 campaign, he said his dog knew more about foreign policy than Clinton.  That was the toughest thing he said.

He was a New England patrician who moved to West Texas and came to love The Oak Ridge Boys. That's so American and that was my George Bush.

Run, Run, Rudolph

Apparently, we have a new controversy.  It is about Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.

The Huffington Post, which is an online newspaper/magazine, posted an article titled Viewers Noticed Some Very Disturbing Details in 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer'.

Yes, a Christmas stop-motion cartoon by Rankin/Bass that has been airing since I lived on Meadowbrook Drive in Marietta, Georgia (54 years ago) has some very disturbing details that we just noticed. It was there in plain sight and it just goes to show how problematic we are as a country because we didn't notice how awful Yukon Cornelius treated his gay dog sled team.


Actually, this article consists of the laziest journalism known to man:  looking and printing what is on Twitter.

Twitter is currently the cesspool of American life.  If you take every stupid thing said at every lunch counter and put in on the internet, that is Twitter.

After Rudolph aired Tuesday night, Twitter "users gathered around the digital fireplace to share the moment".  I remember when the internet was the information superhighway. Now it is the digital fireplace.

There were some humorous observations.

Sarah B tweeted: "Every year the elf throws the bird out of the sleigh without an umbrella, even though earlier the bird said it CAN'T FLY. Every. Damn. Year".

Ahem.

Seven years ago, I wrote the classic The Rudolph Recap. You can read it here. https://manisville.blogspot.com/2011/12/the-rudolph-recap.html.

I said basically the same thing. Except I think mine was funnier.

One of the points of Rudolph is that everybody is a misfit. As part of their wacky adventures, Rudolph (who ran away from home because nobody liked his nose), Hermey (who ran away from home because nobody likes dentists) and Yukon Cornelius (who nobody liked)  landed on The Island of Misfit Toys.

The Island of Misfit Toys is ruled by the benevolent King Moonracer, who is a lion with wings.  As you properly infer, the Island is filled with Misfit Toys: a Charlie in The Box, a train with square wheels, a doll with no apparent problems, and a bird that can't fly but swims.

Good King Moonracer asks Rudolph to speak with Santa about finding a good home for the misfit toys. King Moonracer may be a good king, but he is lazy as sin. Moonracer could just fly over to the North Pole and speak to Santa himself.

Long story short:  Santa agrees to take the Misfit Toys. However,  instead of taking the toys with him when he goes down the chimneys, Santa has the elves throw the misfit toys out of the sleigh. Everybody remembers that special Christmas morning when your parents woke you up and told you to go to the backyard to see what Santa threw out.

I don't think this was due to some meanness or grouchiness.  It was due to some sloppiness and they didn't have much time to show the toys being delivered. Plus, this was the attitude back then:  Hey it is something for kids and it doesn't matter.  And it didn't.  I didn't notice the scene until I was an adult.

The main criticism comes from the bullying part of the show. "Rudolph is relentlessly teased by his peers, his family, and Santa Claus until he is forced to flee into the wilderness. While he finds new friends that accept him as he is, he is not accepted by his original community until his glowing nose is useful", says Popculture.tv.

The song says, "All of the other reindeers, used to laugh and call him names". If you are going to do a show about Rudolph, you have to show him being teased.  Maybe, I'm just an unwoken late-born boomer fuddy-duddy, but I never got the impression the show was telling you that Rudolph deserved it or it was anywhere close to the right thing to do

One person tweeted: "My saddest takeaway in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is how dismissive [and] mean Santa is when they first saw the red nose. Really Santa?!?!"

Santa is odd in Rudolph.  When he comes to visit Donner after Rudolph is born, Santa starts singing about himself. He's Cranky Old Saint Nick.  He doesn't eat and the elves singing doesn't impress him in the least. (With good reason too, but that's another story.)

But in everyone's defense, the nose wasn't a nose, it was this light bulb that made a noise.  I'm not sure exactly how we are supposed to react to that.  I know that makes me Light Bulb For A Nose phobic, but geez, give me some time to comprehend it.

One person (who is from this area) tweeted "Deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable".  This became a Twitter talking point. One individual tweeted, "Watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The moral of the story I’ve learned since watching it as a kid: People are [nickname for Richard] until they need something from you."

To quote another great fictional character, Drill Sgt Hulka: Lighten up Francis.

The moral of Rudolph is not "people are mean until they need something from you".  It is how wrong prejudice is and that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

So sit back and enjoy the show.  I love that little song, "There's Always Tomorrow" and the fact the Burl Ives snowman plays a banjo without strings. Rudolph is always fun to goof on.

Whatever you do, don't watch "Christmas in July", which Rankin/Bass made in 1979 and takes the Rudolph characters and mixes them up with their Frosty The Snowman characters.  That show is seriously messed up.

Ready, Set, Go! 2020

Now that the 2018 midterm elections are over it means the 2020 election season has begun.

Try to hold it together.

Below is a list of Democrats who look in the mirror and see the next President of The United States (even when they are the only one) with a brief capsule statement.

Kamala Harris:  First-term Senator of California who thinks she is twice as smart than she actually is. This is a question she asked Brett Kavanaugh:  "Can you think of any laws that give the government power to make decisions about the male body?"  Ooooh, tough question, Senator.

Corey Booker: Do you want Spartacus to be your President?

Elizabeth Warren:  If you use the theory that the next President will be different from the present one, Liz is your gal. She always looks like she is going to shush somebody at the library.  She made a huge blunder of releasing the results of her DNA test which showed she was about as Native American as the actors who portrayed the Hekawis tribe on "F-Troop"  (Look it up on Wikipedia kids)

Kristen Gillibrand:  Another blonde New Yorker. Expertise: acting really prissy.

Amy Klobuchar:  This Minnesota senator was a standout during the Kavanaugh hearings because she didn't act like a total loon like the rest of the Democrats. But give her time, I'm sure she'll catch up.

Jeff Merkley: He's a Senator from Oregon.  That's all I got.

Sherrod Brown: The Ohio Senator, according to CBS News, is known for "his scratchy voice and disheveled look".  This is mainstream media speak for "he doesn't comb is hair and sounds weird."

Tim Kaine:   Hillary Clinton's running mate, poor guy. Makes Mike Pence seem like Mr. Charisma.

Bernie Sanders:  Just what this country needs: a 400 year old socialist. He's kind of grouchy. He may campaign in his pajamas.

Mark Warner:  In 2006, I named him as one of the people that could be elected President in 2008. Oops.

Joe Kennedy:  Well, you know, they have to, I guess.

Beto O'Rouke:  The only person in the world to propel himself into the Presidential race by losing an election in Texas. He was in a punk rock band in his youth. He can ride a skateboard. We've never had a "dude" as a President.

Andrew Cuomo:  The New York Governor is mainly known for also being an anchor on CNN.

John Hickenlooper:  The former governor of Colorado is the type the Democrats usually go for: a centrist governor nobody's ever heard of. Can you imagine the name Trump would give him?  I'm thinking "Gov. Hicky"  or "Loopy John Hickenwhatever".

Michael Bloomberg:  The former mayor of New York City is a Democrat-turned-Republican-turned-Democrat. He has gobs of money. He stood up to the 32 ounce soda.

Oprah Winfrey:  Lots of name recognition and is the perfect Democrat: a person without children telling you how to raise your child, a single person telling you how to have a healthy marriage, and a heavy person telling you how to lose weight.  But at least....you get a car and you get a car and you get a car.

John Kerry:  300 year old former Secretary of State and 2004 Presidential nominee reporting to duty to bore you once again. Say, did you hear what happened when John Kerry stepped into a bar? The bartender said, "Why the long face, John Kerry?"

Joe Biden: 289 year old former Vice President. To show you how old Joe Biden is, I was in 8th grade was he was first elected to the Senate.  I am 59 years old.  Biden is sort of like Trump in the sense that he has few, if any filters. Once accused Republicans of wanting to put "people back in chains" and claimed FDR went on television in 1929 to calm the nation's fears at the outbreak of the Depression. This was a cute trick considering television was in the experiemental stages at the time and FDR wasn't President.   He's basically Trump without Twitter.

Hillary Clinton: Please, God. No.

Hoot

On Saturday, my wife and I went to SunTrust Park here in Cobb County to watch My Beloved Owls (MBO) play the fighting game birds of Jacksonville State University.

The announced attendance at the game was 16,949 people. 16,949 people gathered to watch a game that involved Kennesaw State.  Kennesaw State began playing college football in 2015.  Give us another 5 years and we may even make ESPN's Gameday.

Kennesaw State won their second Big South Conference Championship last week. Again they have played college football for only four seasons.

I looked around and was pleased to see people wearing (now get this) Kennesaw State spirit wear. Spirit wear is a fancy way of saying t-shirts, sweatshirts, and hats.  When I was a student at Kennesaw State, I never saw anybody wearing any Kennesaw State t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hat.

Maybe it was because, back then, Kennesaw State was Kennesaw College.

Kennesaw State, according to Wikipedia, has a 53% acceptance rate.  Kennesaw College had an open, rolling admission. This means, whoever applied, was accepted.

This meant Kennesaw College was either a "safety school" or your only hope to obtain an affordable degree.

What Kennesaw College was not: a place to rehab your grades.  Back then, you could transfer your grades from another college but it wouldn't count against your Kennesaw College grade point average.

I remember walking to class one morning and hearing some guy tell a friend,  "Man, I flunked out of Clemson, so I came here to Kennesaw and I'm flunking out here too".

Before it was Kennesaw College, it was Kennesaw Jr. College and this gave the school a complex. They tried their very best to make sure it wasn't an easy place to gain a degree. In fact, a lot of times, it seemed like they went out of their way to make it difficult.

I remember the first morning of an Algebra I class. Hey, this ain't Tech and I needed some sort of math for my degree.

The professor walked in, Dr. Khan.  He spent the first class telling us that "he didn't care" about your grades. Your grades were your problem. He went over every possible scenario  and his answer, if you didn't do well, was "Big deal"

Student:  "Dr. Khan, you can't flunk me, I'm a straight A student"
Dr. Khan:  "What's that to me?!"

Student: "Dr. Khan, don't flunk me!  If you do, I will flunk out of college."
Dr. Khan:  "So? You're the one flunking, not me."

Student:  "Dr. Khan, my parents were killed in a fiery automobile crash two days ago, my sister has leukemia, and I got shot in a holdup attempt last night. Please don't flunk me."
Dr. Khan:  "What's that got to do with the price of eggs in China?"

This went on for an entire hour.  I dropped the class.

One time, in my major, I had a test that had four questions on it.  One question was over tobacco production in the South.  I will give you the short answer: tobacco production was very difficult.

I had this same professor for another class. We had to submit a paper that was 50 percent of our grade. After the class turned our papers in, the professor announced that he didn't award "A's" for papers because he didn't believe in it.

Somehow, a great and merciful God allowed me to complete the requirements for graduation. I graduated and spent a fair share of the next 15 or so years explaining that Kennesaw College was not a Jr. College and that I had a Bachelor's degree and not an Associates.

I also had a lot of people look down their noses at my fair school.  I can understand the people that went to Georgia Tech, Harvard, Yale, etc doing it, but I have had people that never even step foot on a college campus give me that look that said, "Oh you bought that degree with a coupon."

Well, those days are long behind me now.  Kennesaw College is now Kennesaw State University and is the third largest university in Georgia behind UGA and Georgia State  Kennesaw State has dorms.

I beg your pardon. Kennesaw State has student housing.

And now, we have spirit wear. We have students that look like college students. And we have a football team.

Kennesaw State beat Jacksonville State in a 5 overtime quarter game and it was probably one the most enjoyable games I've seen in a long time.

Say what you will about Kennesaw State University, but it is good to see that people give a hoot about it.

Reflections On The Other Night

Your prayers have been answered.

The 2018 Midterm election is history.

This was supposed to be an important election, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION simply because it was the first national election since Trump convinced Vladimir to make him President. (Just a joke, lighten up Francis!)

If you haven't noticed, "Progressives"*  (Super Liberals)  are now the base of the Democratic Party and they have accepted the Trump Presidency like the kids have accepted Mom's new boyfriend after the divorce. The Progressives are young and very, um, immature, and they are obsessed with Trump.

This was going to be the election they bring The Orange Monster back down to size

Welp, it didn't quite work out that way.

The Democrats have won a majority of seats in The House of Representatives, which means we will have the pleasure of having Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of The House.  I know you are as thrilled as I am because if there is one thing I want to hear from one of our country's leaders is that we have to pass a bill before we know what's in it. Thanks, Nancy, they didn't tell us that in "School House Rock".

The Republicans kept control of the Senate because every Senate Democrat wants to become President in 2020. In order to do that, they must appeal to their base (ie: Liberal Arts Majors who live with their moms or "Loons").

This caused the Democrats to turn The Kavanaugh Hearing into a total circus with one prospective president declaring he was "Spartacus" for some arcane reason. This was between a little free show with the Liberal Arts majors jumping up and yelling something unintelligible like they had  Tourette's Syndrome or were filled with the Holy Spirit.

Then, just as The Senate Judiciary Committee was ready to vote on Brett Kavanaugh, the ranking Democrat produced a letter (ah ha!) from a lady that said Kavanaugh had kind of/sort of /probably sexually assaulted her in 1983 when they were both in high school.

This led to a delay because the lady lived in California and didn't like to fly. So they put it off for a week even though, as it was later revealed. the lady was in Delaware the entire time.

Of course, this led to other accusers coming out of the woodwork with various accounts of sexual misconduct, with the last one being Kavanaugh ran some sort of Georgetown Rape Club like he was in "A Clockwork Orange".

Anyway, the lady testified and was deemed credible by the future Presidents on the committee even though she didn't remember anything about what happened.  Kavanaugh returned to testify to the committee and made a lot of the chattering class upset because he: A) drinks beer and B) takes umbrage at being called a gang rapist.

The best part, though, was when a Senator questioned Kavanaugh about Kavanaugh's teenage euphemism for farting. That was worth every penny of taxpayer money.

Kavanaugh was confirmed by the Senate but the whole spectacle caused Republicans around to sit up and ask.  "Are we having another election this year?"  The yawning and stretching energized Republicans made it to the polls this year, after stopping for donuts, saved The Senate for the GOP.

Well, it is all over but the shouting.  At least I thought it was.  It turns out several races are still "too close to call". The Senate race in Arizona is a true see-saw battle.  It should come as no surprise that Florida is too close to call in both the Senate race and the gubernatorial race.

And of course, here in Georgia, the race between Shotgun Goofball and Selena Montogomery** is still too close to call. Great. Just great.

President Trump celebrated the results of the Midterm election by blowing raspberries at the Republicans who lost and firing Attorney General Jeff Sessions.  Trump got into a verbal scuffle with CNN reporter Jim Acosta. Acosta, if you didn't know, has appointed himself the savior of the world.

In other words, it was Wednesday at The White House.



* Important historical note: Progressivism start out in The Republican Party.  You know Teddy Roosevelt, Bull Moose and all that. My high school history teacher should be pleased.

**Shotgun Goofball was the nickname given to Republican Brian Kemp by the gang of  "The Von Haessler Doctrine" on WSB AM750 and 95.5 FM.   Selena Montgomery is the pen name for Stacy Abrams who has written best selling romance novels.

This Week's Picks Week 10

Here is just a brief transcript of Atlanta radio.

-Scan-  "Here at 98.21 The Aardvark we play your requests for the best in classic rock. (caller's voice) 'Hey, this is Bub in Lilburn, play some Skynyrd'  and Bub here's 'Sweet Home Alabama' for the four billionth time"

-Scan-  "Traffic Tracker Toones The Cat says there's been a Nuclear explosion set off by Zombies on The Northeast Expressway, which I think is I-85 East but I'm not really sure.

-Scan-  "Go to Mypillow. com  for your Two for One My Pillow promotion where you get one My Pillow, two travel size My Pillows, four bottles of Relief Factor, a box of Sheri's Berries, and Mark Spain will buy your house. Just type in the promo code 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' in the box next to the microphone".

-Scan- "Next up, Newt Gingrich"

-Scan-  "Today is a 9 on The Mellish Meter but tomorrow will be a negative two due to the Nuclear explosion on The Northeast Expressway".

-Scan  "Can you believe  The Falcons?  We'll talk about that and how cool Boston is...."

-Scan- "This is Erick Erickson with President Trump but first here's the traffic...."

-Scan- "I mean, Boston has won so many championships and how many championships has Atlanta had? One. Oh, too bad".

-Scan-"A divorce doesn't have to be painful, but sometimes it is good to pay whatever you have to to get away from the old hag and start your new life with your much younger Trophy Wife, the one you have to explain Super Tramp to. Here at Spiller and Spiller, we understand  the pain in divorce but provide you with a way to get her out of your life...."

-Scan- "Belinda here.  My divorce was very, very, very painful. But my attorneys at Periwinkle and Scrod assured me they would be with me every step of the way. Of course, the most important thing in my life are my two kids. The second most important thing is my smoldering, repressed sexual desire...'

-Scan- "Erick, well you very well know better than anyone that...."  "Pardon me, Mr. President, but we have a traffic red alert about the Northeast Expressway, which I think is I-20"

-Scan- "That was 'A Simple Man' by Skynyrd and it is the final song in our Rock Block. Here's Super Tramp"

This Week's Picks!



Jawja vs Kenyucky:  Don't tell me you thought Georgia and Kentucky would be fighting to see who would win the SEC East. Nobody thought that at the beginning of the season. But here we are. Georgia had a big win last week against a rejuvenated Florida team. Kentucky barely made it out of Missouri alive, but they made it.  Whoever wins this game will be able to go to the SEC Championship for the privilege of getting slaughtered by Alabama. That would be Georgia. Dawgs win!

Bees vs Heels of Tar: Speaking of rejuvenated, Georgia Tech opened up an industrial sized can of Bumble Bee Whoop-Up  on Virginia Tech.  Boy, you should have read the tweets from The Georgia Tech fans.  Twitter was alive with the Tech guys bragging about their amazing goofball offense, just like they did when they kissed a (live) girl for the first time. (Just a joke, Francis, lighten up!)  This week, Tech plays North Carolina, which is 1-6 this year. We better prepare for another night of great Tweets from the trade scholars. Tech wins!

Longherns vs Almost Heaven? West Virginia?  Overshadowed by the Alabama-LSU game, this game ought to be pretty good. Texas seems like its back to being a competitive team despite what happened in Stillwater last week.  West Virginia is having their typical good year.  To me, this game is a coin toss. I'm going to say the horns hook 'em.  Texas wins!
 

Bamy vs Ellessyew In the second season of  "The Simpsons", there was an episode in which everyone went to Homer's house to watch a Pay-Per-View fight called "The Bout To Knock You Out".  This is game is exactly that.  It to see if Alabama is all that and if LSU is that good.  LSU is a "sacrement bonne equipe de football" as they would say in Houma, Louisiana.  However, until somebody beats Bama, I would say Bama is better.  Bama wins!

 



My Beloved Owls vs Campbell: One of the services This Week's Picks provides is that we give a background to schools you might not have heard of, like Campbell University. Campbell University is in Buies Creek, North Carolina.  The population of Buies Creek is a whopping 2942 souls according to the 2010 Census.  The only alumnus I have ever heard of is  Jim Perry, the brother of Gaylord Perry.  The team name for Campbell University is "The Camels.  That's all I've got.  Owls win