The Winner of The 2018 Awful Christmas Song

You may remember that last year we crowned the Worst Christmas Song Ever.

If you like, you can read it here https://manisville.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-worst-christmas-song-ever.html

Just to recap, there were many nominees. My readers were at the forefront of pointing out "Baby, It's Cold Outside" seemed not to have much to do with Christmas as it does with begging for sex. Fortunately, my readers didn't have the vapors about it and ask that it be stricken from public memory.

The winner of the Worst Christmas Song Ever was a song called "Dominick, The Christmas Donkey".   It is another one of those "animals help Santa Claus" songs, except Dominick, is an Italian Christmas donkey because Santa needs protection when it comes to delivering presents to Italy (or as the singer says it "Eat-al-lee").

The bottom line is the song is awful and well deserves its place as the Worst Christmas Song Ever.

However, there is a challenger.

Before we get to this year's Awful Christmas Song,  let's review some of the really bad Christmas songs and why they are really bad.

"Feliz Navidad" -Jose Feliciano.    This song isn't really so bad except they play it way too much on the radio and Pandora.  For you kids that don't know, Jose Feliciano is a blind Latin singer known for this song, ruining The Doors "Light My Fire", and the theme song for "Chico and The Man".  My college roommate, the Great Bill Wade, wrote a parody song called "Police Got Your Dad", which probably should be on radio too.

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"- Elmo and Patsy.  I get the joke and think it is a fun novelty song. However, some people in this humorless age of ours become offended about the thought of an elderly relative trampled to death by venison. Yes, me and grandpa believe in Santa because grandma is the victim of a hit and run.

"All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey.  Another song radio plays way too much. I have a hard time believing that all Mariah wants for Christmas is me.

"Wonderful Christmas Time" - Paul McCartney.  Paul McCartney has written some of the best songs ever recorded. Then he writes this.  First of all, the beginning sounds like one of those slasher movies where the bad guy is stalking the unsuspecting teenagers. Then he wants us to believe that the children practice for the Christmas concert "all year long". I was a kid. I had a kid. Christmas concert practice always started in late September, at the earliest.  I have a theory that this took McCartney ten minutes to write.

"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"- John Lennon.  Written and recorded in the post-Beatle era when John Lennon was his most insufferable. "So this is Christmas and what have you done?" Nothing, John Lennon, what's it to you?

"Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys.  I will give you this. Brian Wilson wrote a better Christmas song than either Lennon or McCartney.  It's got a nice little beat and I like the little "run, run reindeer" part.  However, the song hits the skids with this stupid line: "Christmas comes this time each year". It was like Brian Wilson had this brainstorm that Christmas happens on the same day in the same month every year! That would be something that impresses California girls.

"Christmas Shoes" - Newsong.  No discussion of awful Christmas songs would be complete without this song.  It meets the one requirement of an awful Christmas song: you never want to hear it again. It is about a boy who wants to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes for when she goes to meet Jesus. He doesn't have the money so the narrator pays for the shoes. This causes the narrator to discover "the true meaning of Christmas". Okay, the theology is a little bit shaky with the implication that the kid's mother became terminally ill so the narrator could learn the meaning of Christmas.  I mean, couldn't the narrator just watch The Hallmark Channel? There are movies nightly in November and December that teach about the real meaning of Christmas.

Now as bad as all of those songs are they are not as bad as this year's Awful Christmas Song winner.

Little drummer boy, drum roll please, the winner of the 2018 Awful Christmas song is....

"Leroy The Redneck Reindeer" - Joe Diffie.

Let's list some of the ways "Leroy" is awful

"Leroy" is very contrived. In "Leroy", Rudolph catches the flu and cannot make his rounds on Christmas Eve, so he calls his Southern cousin (do what?) Leroy to fill in for him. Santa's okay with it, even though Leroy doesn't have a red nose. Leroy has a pickup truck. He also wears a John Deere tractor hat and overalls.

It has cringe-worthy lyrics like "He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell and made history that night".   But the whopper is this one: "Santa wrapped his bag with a Dixie flag".  Lord. That line alone would cause massive heart failure in today's culture.

Since this song was released in 1995, it has a video. Do not eat before watching this video.

Joe Diffie has a mullet. Yes, a mullet.  He begins to tell a bunch of children the story of Leroy in his baritone that sounds like he's about ready to sing "Amazing Grace". The children laugh and for some reason, they begin to line dance. Hey, it was 1995 and there was some law that said you had to boot scoot to show southern Appalachian culture.

Oh yeah, Leroy's story is depicted in a cartoon.

So scoot over Dominick,  I think you have some company.

Here's the video in all of its glory.