Ready, Set, Go! 2020

Now that the 2018 midterm elections are over it means the 2020 election season has begun.

Try to hold it together.

Below is a list of Democrats who look in the mirror and see the next President of The United States (even when they are the only one) with a brief capsule statement.

Kamala Harris:  First-term Senator of California who thinks she is twice as smart than she actually is. This is a question she asked Brett Kavanaugh:  "Can you think of any laws that give the government power to make decisions about the male body?"  Ooooh, tough question, Senator.

Corey Booker: Do you want Spartacus to be your President?

Elizabeth Warren:  If you use the theory that the next President will be different from the present one, Liz is your gal. She always looks like she is going to shush somebody at the library.  She made a huge blunder of releasing the results of her DNA test which showed she was about as Native American as the actors who portrayed the Hekawis tribe on "F-Troop"  (Look it up on Wikipedia kids)

Kristen Gillibrand:  Another blonde New Yorker. Expertise: acting really prissy.

Amy Klobuchar:  This Minnesota senator was a standout during the Kavanaugh hearings because she didn't act like a total loon like the rest of the Democrats. But give her time, I'm sure she'll catch up.

Jeff Merkley: He's a Senator from Oregon.  That's all I got.

Sherrod Brown: The Ohio Senator, according to CBS News, is known for "his scratchy voice and disheveled look".  This is mainstream media speak for "he doesn't comb is hair and sounds weird."

Tim Kaine:   Hillary Clinton's running mate, poor guy. Makes Mike Pence seem like Mr. Charisma.

Bernie Sanders:  Just what this country needs: a 400 year old socialist. He's kind of grouchy. He may campaign in his pajamas.

Mark Warner:  In 2006, I named him as one of the people that could be elected President in 2008. Oops.

Joe Kennedy:  Well, you know, they have to, I guess.

Beto O'Rouke:  The only person in the world to propel himself into the Presidential race by losing an election in Texas. He was in a punk rock band in his youth. He can ride a skateboard. We've never had a "dude" as a President.

Andrew Cuomo:  The New York Governor is mainly known for also being an anchor on CNN.

John Hickenlooper:  The former governor of Colorado is the type the Democrats usually go for: a centrist governor nobody's ever heard of. Can you imagine the name Trump would give him?  I'm thinking "Gov. Hicky"  or "Loopy John Hickenwhatever".

Michael Bloomberg:  The former mayor of New York City is a Democrat-turned-Republican-turned-Democrat. He has gobs of money. He stood up to the 32 ounce soda.

Oprah Winfrey:  Lots of name recognition and is the perfect Democrat: a person without children telling you how to raise your child, a single person telling you how to have a healthy marriage, and a heavy person telling you how to lose weight.  But at least....you get a car and you get a car and you get a car.

John Kerry:  300 year old former Secretary of State and 2004 Presidential nominee reporting to duty to bore you once again. Say, did you hear what happened when John Kerry stepped into a bar? The bartender said, "Why the long face, John Kerry?"

Joe Biden: 289 year old former Vice President. To show you how old Joe Biden is, I was in 8th grade was he was first elected to the Senate.  I am 59 years old.  Biden is sort of like Trump in the sense that he has few, if any filters. Once accused Republicans of wanting to put "people back in chains" and claimed FDR went on television in 1929 to calm the nation's fears at the outbreak of the Depression. This was a cute trick considering television was in the experiemental stages at the time and FDR wasn't President.   He's basically Trump without Twitter.

Hillary Clinton: Please, God. No.